Toiletpaper or ???

M

muleyman

Very Active Member
Messages
1,538
Well we have all been there, out in the middle of no where and all the sudden sh!t happens! What the heck do YOU do without TP? Me, well I always try and wear boxers so I can cut a few small "squares" out and use'm. If not, then it's the nearest bunch of leaves or moss! Dirty crack syndrome...itchy itchy

jeremy oregon
 
My wife laughs when I come home from a trip and I am missing little squares out of my shirttails, then lectures me about how much cheaper Charmin is than t-shirts!
Most of my wardrobe has been used over the years!
Socks,underwear,t-shirts.etc..
Only used leaves once...never again!
 
PB,
DUDE, you are killing me. I have really needed a good laugh!!!
WE gotta hook up this winter!
I'll make plans to swing by your place when I fish the Quinault next year.
I'll save a few extra days so we can hit one of your rivers!
H-H
 
dude the best thing to use is them little furry bunny rabbits they take off after your done and clean them selves off ready for the next person!!!
 
Muleyman;
I have never used my shorts or T-shirt, but I have lost a few hankershifts to the call of Mother-nature. As for using leaves, that you mentioned, you better know what poison oak looks like in my neck of the woods. I know one idiot that didn't know the difference and he was layed up for a week after using poison oak leaves to wipe his you know what. I have learned to carry T.P. with me in my backpack or fannypack after the wife started yacking about buying more hankershifts.
Two years ago, we were elk hunting out of a spike camp, packed everything in by horseback. My partner got tried of his brown streak shorts and thew them into the campfire. I wished he would have waited until I had finished cooking dinner. Come to think of it, the beans did have a differnt flavor then normal.
RELH
 
H-H, it would be my pleasure!!!! What month is your trip booked for? I will have some prime spots scouted out ahead of time for you.
Eric
 
Over the years have gone through too many hankerchiefs, gloves and once even had to use the jockey shorts when I had a case of the "runs". Now I make sure I have t-paper rolled up and in my pack for doing the "clean-up". And a lot cheaper this way too and wife never complains anymore as to where the one lost pair of shorts went.

Brian
 
Reminds me of a bear and a rabbit in the woods sitting near each other, each one doing their #2 business. The bear looks over at the rabbit and asks him "Excuse me, do you ever have a problem with crap sticking to your fur?" The rabbit looks at the bear and says "Why no, I have never had that problem!"
So the bear then reached over, picked the rabbit up and wipes his ass with him. HA! I like that one.
 
Dutch I can't stop laughing!!!

I once used moss from a tree and came home that day when my wife saw a trail leading from the kitchen to the bedroom. I guess the moss got stuck to my butt and was desending down my leg. When I pulled down my pants (in front of her of course) a load of moss, dirt who knows what else came falling out of them. She wouldn't stop laughing!!! But butt was raw for a few days from the FRICTION.

jeremy
 
That is one more reason to carry a knife. Squat, take knife and cut off your Jocky's, do your business and then after wiping sling the Jocky's into the bushes. Have done it on many occasion.
More recently though I always have emergency paper in my pocket.


"We must HUNT"
 
I remember when I was a kid, my brother and I went to our fort we had in the foothills on the way hunting jackrabbits and any other thing that moved (back when 22's were 35 cents a box) and on the way back he did his thing and wiped with his shorts, well when he got back I told my mom and she made him go back and get them, was kinda of a "chitty day" for him, when we got older we always had a good laugh over that one!
 
We call toilet paper jungle money when out in the woods, that stuff is like gold. These stories are hilarious, brings back some bad memories.
 
It just occured to me what purpose a mullet(sp) might have. lol!

Seriously, a couple of baby wipes in your pack is highly recomended.
 
One time I had to go really bad but didn't have any TP. My buddy said, Do you have any money on ya???. I said ya?, He said use a dollar!!. So I do my business and walk back up to where my buddy is...He takes one look at me and see's Im covered in poop!!!. He say's WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED???, Didn't you use a dollar??. I said yeah BUT have you ever tried to wipe your ass with 3 QUARTERS 2 DIMES AND A NICKLE???????.............
 
I always wondered the reason why Jim Shockey wears a bandana around his neck. It must be for emergencies only.
 
YOU GUYS ARE TO FUNNY.
my wife always go back thru my pack to double check on the number of pairs of shorts i'm taking. then she doubles it.
not sure where she finds all the old ragity shorts but they work great.
a nother good trick is to first pick your self a hand full of grass, I prefer dryed, and stuff it into yur pocket. then do your job next to a creek. down hill side from the flow.
then squat your butt over the creek and give your self a little bauday job, man is that cold, make your butt pucker,
then dry you rear off with the grass.
a little of the baby power you use in your wind direction puffer bottle and your done.
or you could just use tp. paper.
 
I had a buddy when back in college, one night we tied one on purty hard. During the night I remember he had to go to the restroom, being in a smaller town and at 3 am there was nothing open so he goes behind the local convenient store and does his thing. Of course he didn't have any wipe so I told just to use his underwear.
I don't remember much after that but the next morning I woke up and he was passed out with the waist band of his underwear up under his arm pits around his chest! It was soo funny, he just cut his underwear off near the band but left the waist band. I laugh every time I still think of that night. At least he had something.lol
 
Conch knows what he's talking about baby wipes are a godsend. Nothing better when im riding my horse antler hunten than some babywipes for a bad case of the chappy bum. I made the mistake of using a pinecone once because i drank out of the wrong spring on the mountain and my underware and socks were gone (already used) and it was cold and there was no way i was using my shirt. How i wished i had baby wipes that day. Did you know that you could get chappy bum so bad that it bleedes. ouch that was a bad day.
 
You guys crack me up!!! I'm sitting here chuckling at work and everyone wonders what the h**l I'm up to.
Thanks for the laughs!!
a*r

May you always be blessed with TP in your pack when the urge comes on!!!!
 
amen to that man (babywipes are better though they moistureise and nothing feels better than a good clean bum).
 
Hey guys, don't forget snow. When available, you can pack four or five orange-size snow balls (or whatever size you deem appropriate) and use them as toilet paper. A little cold but it works great.
 
snow! now thats one that i havent heard off yet ill have to give that one a try. But you know what happens when nature calls and it calls in a hurry your usually to far away from anything that you could possibly wipe with.
 
Me and some of my buddies worked for the Forest Service out in the ND Badlands for a few summers while in college, and there were few days when someone didn't come out of the hills missing the sleeves from their shirt. Of course one day I was wearing a shirt that I liked, and some tighty whities that I was not partial to, so they got cut up and I went commando for the rest of the day.

Keep the Sun at Your Back and the Wind in Your Face
 
Several years back I was on a bowhunt with my dad, brother, and uncle. We had just finished scouting and were on our way back when a mad case of ED (explosive diarrhea) struck me. I ran off into the bushes and squatted. Once I was relieved-seriously you all know what a relief it is after a bout with the runs-I went over my options. I didn't want to ruin my clothes so I turned to my wallet. I found several credit card receipts that came in handy. Saved my shirts and cleaned out the wallet at the same time.
 
This thread is too funny.

Baby wipes for me. Nothing is worse than hiking all day
without freshness! LOL

Chef
"I Love Animals...They're Delicious!"
 
wallet sized pictures of Hillary Clinton!
yotewalk.gif


Eric
 
Baby wipes are a godsend. I start with TP and finish with wipes.
Not only do they freshen your crack, but your hands as well, if you know what I mean.
 
Hunted Eastern Oregon a couple weeks ago, and again no TP so I cut out part of my shirt.

My wife looked at me when I got home like I was handicap when she saw the shirt...

muleyman
 
This is exactly why I wear two light pairs of socks....
I usually forget this when the urge comes, but it sounds good anyway!!!
 
LAST EDITED ON Oct-06-05 AT 10:17AM (MST)[p]HIGH_ WIDE _ AND_HEAVY do you drink out them when your done? :eek:
 
A buddy of mine always cut his pockets outta his pants. I told him he was crazy that the pants are ruined after he cuts the pockets out!! He said that after he cuts the pockets out "he always has something to play with"!!
 
I never go anywhere with out my baby wipes. beats TP any day of the week. They do come in a small caring case and it fits right in your back pocket.
 
It looks like you all need some good informative reading, there is a book out there called "How to ##it in the woods". I never laughed so hard when I read it, most of us can relate with the many "when nature calls" stories.

This is a must read book.
 
I had posted on another thread the time I discovered how valuable TP really is, when I first started hunting. I got a mile up a ridge in the AM when I had to take a grizzleshite and realized I had no TP. so I drop a mound that would scare the shite out of anyone walking the woods. Then I proceed to run all over that hillside with my pants down trying to find enough 1" leaves to get the job done. I finally gave that up and grabbed some pine boughs. Ouch!!
 
LAST EDITED ON Jan-29-06 AT 03:28PM (MST)[p] On a sleddin trip my buddy knocked a cornback rattler out right into the hood of his one piece snow suit. He cut the hood off. Goddamn funny.
 
You guys crack me up!! One time a guy who shall remain nameless (Doug Sorenson)was goose hunting and he had a one piece suit and he had to take a dump bad!! While he was doing his thing , you guessed it, here come the geese! He quickly took care of business and jumped back in the pit. He flipped the hood up on his one piece over alls and guess what!!! He had taken a dump in his hood and he ended up with a head full of crap!! Now that is bad!!! When I get into truble I use a sock or the bottom half of my T shirt!:) Goundhog
 
The amount of sock extending above my boot has been used a time or two or my handkerchief. But I always try to carry Wipees, they work great.
 
Groundhog, that is one of the funniest things I have heard. That kills me, made me laugh thank's for the story.
 
LAST EDITED ON Feb-25-06 AT 10:36PM (MST)[p]I heard to use a dollar. Kinda stinks when all you have is 2 quarters 3 dimes and 4 nickles
 
Man - that is an image I would rather have never ever had! It brings new meaning to what your mother used to say to you when you were a kid about not putting money in your mouth - you never know where it has been!

ROY
 
Well I was once told that all you need is one square of toilet paper to get the job done. With the one square what you need to do is fold it in half, tear a little piece out of the middle,unfold, put your finger through the hole, wipe, then clean your fingernail with the little piece that you ripped out. I have never tried this method, never plan on it but was told that if you only had one square left that this was the way to do it.
 
Don't forget to save the liitle middle piece that was tore off. It is used to clean under your fingernail.

Clean sticks with no bark work the best when you don't want to ruin your clothes.
 
I was given a pocket knife at a very young age and brought up wearing long sleeve shirts and tall socks...NO PAPER , NO PROBLEM...
 
CALIFELKSLAYER....
THEY JUST CAME OUT WITH THE 4 QT BAG FOR THE
OUTDOOR SPORTSPERSON......OH BTW IT MADE BY CAMELBACK
THE SAME PEOPLE WHO MAKE THESE WATER BAGS FOR BACKPACKS!
ITS GOOD FOR A WEEK!
rackmaster
 
Ran into this problem goat hunting, and on most goats slopes you'll find nothing but shale...I think it was more of a shave then a wipe.






If we're not supposed to eat animals, why are they made of meat?
 
Believe if you have ever had to use shale, you'd bring that roll too!
Working in a paper will has one benifit I guess.
If we're not supposed to eat animals, why are they made of meat?
 
i think talk crap is more like it,
Hillary Clinton!
now i know by the dump who felt it.Hillary Clinton!
thats too funny.
thats one you could truly take to the crapper and no one would
would care.
 

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