Wife is giving me hard time!

U

UtahTightwad

Guest
How the heck do you guy's deal with your significant others with trying to convince them how gosh darn important hunting is to a guy. She gives me more crap about me trying to go out scouting and hunting and then you add the cost of everything on top of it and she is fit to be tied. This year I'm putting in for both CO and WY and she had a cow!!! Any ideas on how you smooth over the whole situation would help a lot.
 
Divorce :) ???
Can't give you much adive, my wife fully understands my passion for hunting and NEEDING to be outdoors. Good luck!
AntlerQuest Hunt Consulting
 
For some hunting is a family thing. For others it's a 'guy' thing. Some women can't see it as either. Then that's why some guys go hunting, to get away from a nagging woman.

If your woman isn't into hunting or fishing then it's too bad she doesn't understand. I would NOT try and force the 'family' time issue because you may end up with a nagging wife following you while you're trying to stalk an elk.
 
I vote for divorce. If she is uptight about that stuff then your life sucks from here on out.
 
I would just do it (hunt) where and when I wanted to. If she would rather have you out all hours of the night partying and cavorting with other people than spending your time out in nature then she needs her head examined.

If she knew you liked to hunt before you were married and is trying to change you (which is unfair), then your either gonna cave in and be miserable for the rest of your days or choose to hunt and be single again.
 
LAST EDITED ON Feb-27-05 AT 10:08AM (MST)[p]Tightwad,
The answer to this one is fairly simple. Stop being a TIGHTWAD!!!!:):) She needs equal time and equal money for herself. Let her go do the stuff she wants to do without you or the kids and you will get to do the stuff you want to do.
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Your screwed!!. Sorry. If she married you knowing full well you like to hunt a couple states every year then she should stick to it. If this is something new and you really can't afford it then maybe she has a right to be pissed...Need more info!!!!
 
Married life is different than being single. You can't have all the benefits of being single and married at the same time. You now have responsibilities. As BCboy said, you need to make sure that she is getting her fun in too. On top of that, you need to make sure that you get enough together time also.
If you are not meeting these other responsibilities FIRST, then you are screwing up and being selfish. I would rather be a bad hunter than a bad husband or father.
If you can afford it, and have the time, then go for it. If you have provided for her wants and needs and she is still giving you trouble, then SHE is being selfish and needs to be told that.
If you can't, then don't.
This doesn't mean that you can't go hunting until you are loaded with cash and time. It just means that you should keep a balance between your fun and hers.
Understand that if she was leaving you for weeks at a time and spending all your hunting money doing things that she likes, then you'd be a little upset too.
Just my 2 cents,
Soup
 
MY WIFE IS PAYING FOR MY SHEEP HUNT, AND DOESN'T REALLY CARE FOR THE GREAT OUTDOORS AT ALL. SHE SAYS GO HAVE A FUN HUNT, TAKE LOTS OF PICTURES. ....... BUT, SHE LOVES TO TRAVEL.....SO I MAKE SURE SHE IS WELL TAKEN CARE OF ON OUR TRIPS. YOU HAVE TO WORK OUT A LITTLE GIVE AND TAKE, OR IT IS GOING TO BE A BUMPY RIDE. ..YD.
 
LAST EDITED ON Feb-27-05 AT 11:00AM (MST)[p]My friend always says "DITCH THE *ITCH, LET'S GO HUNTING!".
But what my wife and I do is: If I spend money on hunting/fishing she spends the same amount on what she wants. It works awesome. So far...
 
I dont think you can change her.. I was married 17 years to someone just like her....always negative about my hunting...I divorced her.. best thing i ever did. Got re-married 5 years later and before we got married I let her know how important hunting and fishing was too me.... she's great... she never complains and sometimes goes with me.
 
Being a Woman, I would have to agree with most of the guys. I know that I do not like being left behind but I understand at the same time. I like when my guy goes hunting because it gives me time to my own thing and catch up on things I would not usually do with him around.

But I guess I was lucky because Robert usually likes involving me with most things he does, even hunting... Hey I love Deer meat so I am not only willing to put up with it but I may go on my first hunt this year (if he does not drive me to crazy between now and then) and get my own deer. Women Whine to much....

I know because I whine to much.....Just not about hunting ;)

Bottom Line....If you can not compramise Screw her..... and move on brother.....Good Luck!!!!
 
Been there, done that. I divorced her after one year. Tell her to get over it, or hit the road. Life's too short to put up with that.
 
Tough!!!
Its all about compromising. My wife likes the idea of spending an equal amount of money on her hobbies compared to what I spend on hunting. I did get her to take hunter safety last summer and she shot a little buck in November. I was amazed! It took some bribery but it worked. She isnt hooked yet (she wants to shoot a big buck). She has no hunting background whatsoever and is not woodswise either so I made the hunt as easy as possible for her.

As for divorce, I'm sure I'll get crap for this, but no hunting is more important than your family, including your marriage. like I said there has to be some compromise.
If it was up to me I would hunt, scout, pick up sheds every day but there would be downfalls like my kids not having a father around, wife going nuts, etc.. Heck then I would start to miss them anyway and would cut back on outside time. Anyway chat wife the wife about some of the suggestions (minus divorce).. Jeff
 
I can understand a wife wanting to limit a husbands hobbies, but hunting is NOT a hobby, it's a lifestyle.
 
LAST EDITED ON Feb-27-05 AT 06:30PM (MST)[p]My first wife left me when I was in my late twenties because I was gone hunting so much.
I admit I was selfish.
It was doomed to fail I guess.
I was crushed.
A few years later, I met my current wife, a beauty that likes to hunt nearly as much as I do, and has a good income to boot!
Hell, she shot a buck while seven months pregnant with my son!
Looking back, my wife leaving me was probably the best thing that ever happened to me!
HH.
 
No way to smooth it over. After all how would she react if you stopped her from shopping?
I recently got a divorce and my passion for the hills had probably more to do with it than I would like to admitt.
Recently though I have met a super hot woman that likes to hunt, hike and get this...even knows how to clean fish. Hope I can win this one over. Talk about the perfect package...What was my ex's name?I forgot already.
Good luck.
Best,
Jerry
 
No amount of hunting is worth having a crappy marriage over. Two things, one you aren't single any more so you shouldn't act like it, and two if you take care of her and her needs she should respect what you like to do and let you out to go hunting a few times a year. I've tried including my wife on scouting trips, making sure that she gets lots of family time during the rest of the year. Then when hunting season comes along she doesn't mind me being gone for a little while. Now I may not spend the amount of time in the hills as if I was single but my life is much better and more fun being married.

Brian
 
LAST EDITED ON Feb-27-05 AT 10:07PM (MST)[p]First thing to do is decide which you are wanting more. To be miserable or happy. Her time is her time. Some people have to realize that there has to be a compromise. My wife is pretty understanding. She lets me hunt as much as I want to. Only thing is I have to have all my bills paid on my side of the board. I am a sub contractor so all I have to do is work a little extra for that extra money. So I pretty much get to hunt alot. Try and sit down with her and tell her your feelings toward your hunting. What you like about it. The feelings you feel while up in the mountains. Wives like to hear the word feelings when talking to them. I also have a good thing now as my son started hunting last year and it gets both of out of her hair for a week at a time.LOL So if she does not understand you will make your life rough around every year during hunting season. Or time to put in for hunts. It will make the marriage unbearable. You are doomed to fail if your wife does not understand this or you do not try to help her understand. It will not take long before you will receive papers from her lawyer. Or she will start running around on you to find someone else. I have seen this happen to several friends wives and they all got divorced over exactly what you are talking about. I have one friend his wife freaks out about 3 months out of the year and he is totally miserable. Not the same guy when hunting season is here. He had me talk to her and I think it is going to end in a divorce because she is fed up with it. My wife even talk to her and she is set in her mind over him only hunting 1 or 2 weekends a year. He has even expressed to me he is starting to hate hunting because it is not fun for him anymore. I just listen and tell him that he has to decide what to do. I hope he doesn't lose the love of the sport but I think he has already done it and I think he goes hunting now to get away from the wife. They do not have kids so is alittle different than if he had them. plus he is a contractor that builds houses and makes alot of money. Over a $100k a year. He does not buy a ton of hunting gear as he had all of the stuff before he married her. He doesnt spend hardly any money on himself. She is spoiled rotten and gets everything. It is a funny relationship.
You have to decide what you want to do about your marriage. Sorry to hear about the conflict and I hope it works its self out for you so you do not lose the passion for the sport.

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My wife and I used to argue a lot over how much I spent hunting. She didn't care if I went just how much I spent. We finally settled on a plan. I take out XXX dollar from my paycheck each month and put it in a special savings account. If I have the $$$ to go on a specific hunt the I can go. She does let me use our joint savings to put in to Preference Points only.
We haven't had any major arguements since we started this system.

Phantom Hunter
 
I'd like to know what her story is? What does she do, how much does she spend on her hobbies?

If you two are about equal in the spending department and if she does things you do not enjoy her doing, but still allow it. I wouldn't put up with her. She needs to be understanding in who you are. You did the hunting before you met her, that is part of who you are and if she doesn't like who you are, she shouldn't have married you.
 
LAST EDITED ON Feb-28-05 AT 08:48AM (MST)[p] Utahtightwad, The first thing you must do is get your house in order from her perspective. When was the last time you took her to a concert or some event that she really wanted to see? Have you taken her recently on a weekend vacation to someplace she would like to go and devote the weekend to her? Find some common ground activities that you both like to do and expand upon them and then she won't feel threatened. She will appreciate you for the things you do for her and it will payoff in the end.
Now here's the big one invite her to go along on camping and hunting trips and hopefully she will relax and enjoy what nature has to offer. She may never hunt with you but If she understands that this is how you like to relax and unwind she will usually make the compromise. If you take her with you I'm sure she could cook some things that you'll both enjoy or you could cook for her giving her a break and some time to relax as well. I got my wife into 3D archery and now I have a hunting partner for life and I wouldn't want it any other way! It won't work for everyone but it worked for me and hopefully you can find some common ground to make it work for you. It's her life as well and we must be respectful of that fact and do our best to make sure that they get something enjoyable from the experiance. Good luck, I hope everything works out ok.
 
You should have told her from the very start you have to hunt.......period! If you did tell her that, and now she doesn't like it after you've been married, too bad for her. I think it was on our first date I told my soon-to-be-wife I NEED to hunt. I would be one miserable SOB if I had to quit......it's an addiction. I feel guilty cuz I spend way more money on hunting stuff than she does on anything. I have started bringing her on some little hunts though.....she's the best. :)

Lien2
 
Boskee.
I think you are right on the money.
My first wife didn't leave me strictly because of my hunting, but it was a Very big part of it.
I was selfish and didn't participate in many things she enjoyed.
I tried to learn from that.
My current wife of 13 years,even though she likes hunting and fishing, she is far from obsessed (like me)!
The fact that my 12 year old son loves to go with me, really helps.
The more you can do for her, the more you can do for you!
HH
 
HunterHarry, I couldn't agree more with you as I, like you, had a marriage fail as well. My wife loves to archery hunt and will go firearms hunting as a second option. She really loves the outdoors and I am very fortunate to have her. That's really neat that you can enjoy hunting and fishing as a quality family experience. The family experience today seems to be put on the back burners with today's lifestyles. I wish you and your's the best.
The only issue I have going hunting today, is getting out to go alone, and if you can bring your best friend (my wife), it seems like a win, win, to me!
 
Tightwad,

I am amazed how quickly some people have made the decision for you given the few details you provided. No wonder there is almost a 50% divorce rate. I think there was some good general advice though on how to get along in a marriage. Before I gave you any advice I would want to know how your finances are, if you have kids and how much time do you spend with them compared to how much time your wife is left to deal with them alone, how often you take your wife out on dates, and how much recreation does she get to do on her own relative to you. Taking off on a Wy, Co., and I assume Ut. hunt in one season would be a lot to ask of any spouse if they are left tending kids with no help, finances are tight, and/or you never spend quality time together. I've found the happier my wife is, the more she wants me to be happy and she will actually encourage me to go have fun. On the contrary, "if mama aint happy aint nobody happy" I've learned that all to well and continue to learn.
ci
 
'smellybuck' says, "i've found the happier my wife is, the more she wants me to be happy - and she will actually encourage me to go have fun"...if this is the case, then i must have what is, or close to being, the happiest wife there is...i go 5, sometimes more, days a week to the hills. i leave early..4:30 - 5:00am...she always has a lunch in the frig for me to take..she always asks which direction i'm going, and SHE ALWAYS says, "have fun". she knew when she met me 25 years ago what i like doing...she goes with me every other week or so, and she loves going. she has a full-time job which she likes as much as i like going to the hills. last night we went out to dinner...we don't go often, but we do go once in awhile...she likes that, too. she also enjoys me taking pictures for you guys as much as i do taking them for you...she always asks, "did you get them any good pics today?" i like what i do, she likes what she does...works well for both of us....make it work well for you too, UTWAD...good luck...
 
Maaaaaaan,

I would send Bobcatbest a PM. I am sure with his wisdom and kindness he could definately help you out. He probably wouldn't even charge you.

The only bobcat who signed a signed Pre-Nupt agreement!!!!!!
 
I layed down the law with my wife before we got engaged. I made it clear that my love of the outdoors is so deeply imbedded into my soul that any attempt to keep me from it would lead to a doomed relationship. I would say that if you do not have kids, get out, or it will get worse! Why delay the inevitable?
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Eric
 
I'm having the opposite problem. Every time I tell the wife I'm going hunting, she starts throwing my stuff in the truck. She makes my lunch, and even wraps my sandwich in a road map. What does this mean??????

Steve
 
I'D THROW HER OUT LONG BEFORE A PRE NUPT!!!

IF I WERE YOU I'D CALL BOBCATBEST AKA KALI-CAT!!!

THEY DO THINGS DIFFERENT DOWN THERE IN KALI!!!

ALOT DIFFERENT!!!

I DON'T WANT NO PART OF THEM SICKO'S!!!

THE ONLY bobcat THINKING YOU OUGHT TO THROW HER OUT BEFORE SHE CAUSES YOU SOME REAL PROBLEMS,REMEMBER,THEY GET WORSE AS LIFE GOES ON,IF SHE DON'T LIKE IT NOW,SHE'LL DAMN SURE NOT LIKE IT IN A FEW MORE YEARS!!!
 
Bessy, AKA SICKO,

You really need to work on controlling your sick mind. You know what they say about people who always talkkkk..... well, never mind.

I am sure you would be easy to get along with!!!!!! I would be nice to your better half! Remember, in ALTAMONT there ain't that many choices.

The only bobcat wondering if ol Bessy needs more therapy!!!!
 
You?ve been given some good advice above, especially since it's difficult to determine if your problems are about time, or money, or both.
As for me, when we were just married and I was in college and working 2 jobs, I kept my hunting trips to weekends only and in state. My wife would often accompany me then and enjoyed camping out in a surplus army pup tent.
Now that I'm retired I can take all the time I want and, spend within reason and within our financial situation. Thus I take my wife annually from 4-6 weeks hunting Utah, Colorado, Wyoming and/or Montana. She enjoys sightseeing and spending time camping.
Perhaps it's time to scale back temporarily or else invite her to come along?
 
KALI-CAT

IF YOU'RE DUMB ENOUGH (AND I HATE CALLING PEOPLE DUMB!!!) TO WANT MORE THAN ONE OLE LADY YOU'RE MESSED UP IN THE HEAD!!!

THERAPY LESSONS HAVE BEEN GIVEN TO ME FOR YEARS,NOBODY HERE AT MM HAS GAVE ME A SUCCESSFUL LESSON YET,MANY HAVE TRIED AND ALL HAVE FAILED MISERABLY!!!

I'LL TELL HER YOU'LL BE REAL NICE,MAYBE SHE CAN TOLLERATE YOUR BS CAUSE SHE DON'T LIKE MINE!!!

REMEMBER:THIS AIN'T KALI AND THERE AIN'T MANY CHOICES,THERE IS A GAL THAT WORKS AT THE 7-ELEVEN,IF YOU EVER SHOW,YOU MIGHT TALK WITH HER!!!

MORE THERAPY!!!,MORE THERAPY!!!,MORE THERAPY!!!

THE ONLY bobcat NOT MESSING WITH KALI-CATS BETTER HALF,I'VE GOT ENOUGH TROUBLE ON MY HANDS AS IT IS!!!
 
Bessy,

You must speak a different language than me! Maybe its that Altamont dialect! You think I want more than 1 wife?????? I already told you about the economy here!!

The only bobcat who's favorite number is 1 !!!!!!!!!!
 
IF YOUR GOING TO BE A BEAR BE A GRIZZLY BEAR!
I have been married for 37 years. My wife says it is because for half those years I have been in the woods. She couldn't even imagine what it would have been like if She would have had to spend the whole 37 years with me. HaHa
 

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