hunting or marriage

B

boneaddict

Guest
Tell me oh wise testoterone filled people, if you had to choose between hunting or your marriage which would you pick??????????
 
oh oh doug, things not going good with the wife and hunting. and you still have a bull tag to fill right. If I had no kids, then it would proably be hunting :)
 
>Tell me oh wise testoterone filled
>people, if you had to
>choose between hunting or your
>marriage which would you pick??????????

I have a great looking wife who hunts with me. She took her first archery deer this year and just took another pronghorn 2 weeks ago.


-DallanC
 
A good marriage you wouldn't have to choose. Not to say it couldn't change. How long ya been married? ya got kids? I could look in my crystal ball if you like but to reckon your situation. I am thinking hunting shouldn't b an issue unless it is financial. Just go bye her a new state of the art gommer gun one with all the bells and whistles some fancy hot caliber. She might even let ya use it. See if ya can associate your marriage with hunting ya get to go twice as much once with her and once for you that and ya have some one to go with. Plus your guns multiply like rabbits. Just throw em in the gun cabnet and watch!
The best hunts are when your best friends and kids are with ya and your best friend could be your wife. Ask yourself what is a good woman worth. Or what are u worth without one.
I know this if ya leave them home alone when you hunt. You always come home to new appliances, cars, remodels, furniture, Stuff ya surley don't need. What ever ya do. Don't do something stupid / cause if you do you will be stupid for sure.
Rut
 
Is it too late to pick your spouse? If so, your pretty much screwed and need to make some priority decisions. If you've yet to make the commitment, consider the following options:
1) Make sure she loves to hunt, or at least loves the outdoors enough that she'll go with you (I had to buy a 24' camper to get the little lady to go with me on a regular basis);
2) Cut a clear and unequivocal deal. You won't interfere with her nights out with the ladies, and she won't mess with your hunting--or--she can spend the $ and time you spend hunting doing things with her friends or family (watch out this can get expensive pretty damn quick)
3) Make it crystal clear up front that she can't expect you around in the fall, and that it's not negotiable. My brother-in-law comes to mind. Shortly after getting engaged, he drew a once in a lifetime bison permit and disappeared for 5 weeks. 15 years later, my sister is still pissed, but she married him anyway and now doesn't even gripe when he leaves for a week at a time.
4) A combination of the above (its pretty much where I am at). In 20 years of hunting/marriage, my wife has only seriously complained this year--I hit 7 tags this years and have already hunted 20+ days. When I assured her I wouldn't hit this many tags again next year, she was unconvinced and had the nerve to ask me not to put in for so many tags. (I, of course have declined to agree to her request. As long as I don't repeat my good luck next year (very unlikely) she'll get over it.)
5) Remain uncommitted and hope Ms. Right sees the benefits of having you around 10 or 11 months out of the year. The only downside with this approach is you may be less likely to discover the ultimate hunting partner in your kids or spouse. Don't underestimate this. I've been more excited in recent years watching my boys take their first animals than I have been myself for many years. Also, in my humble opinion, there is nothing more precious than time spent in hunting camp with your kids and sharing with them your love and respect for the outdoors. If your dad taught you how to hunt, I'm sure yo know what I mean.

Let us know what you figure out!
 
I hunt with the wife........... sombody's gotta pack what I shoot.

Mike
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I took my wife hunting the first fall we were married. It was the smartest thing I ever did. She shot a cow elk that year and has loved hunting ever since. I think you need to try and take her along. It may be hard if she has already formed a negative opinion.
 
I would never marry a women that would make me choose. My wife hunts with me sometimes, but never complains about the countless hours that I spend scouting, hunting or just dreaming about it. I feel that this is one of the most important parts of being successful. The mental game of hunting ruins more hunts than anything else.
 
I forgot!! what ever ya do don't try and figure out the woman>> It can't be done. It is like trying to figure out what side of a crystal ball you are looking at. Ya know I just heard they finally come up with film and a camera after 2005 years a.d. that is fast enough to actually catch a woman with her mouth closed. Ya ain't got that much time so just figure what u have to do. And good luck at it
Rut
 
Women just don't get it!

A friend of mine shot a 340" bull last year and I made the mistake of asking his wife what his elk hunting plans were this year and she said, "oh he got one last year."
My question is, WHO IS MAKING THE DECISIONS HERE?!! There are no numbers you can put on how many quality elk a person wants to take. It could be 1 or it could be 100. There really are no answers to that question. I know that I will stop hunting big bulls when I feel like it and to heck with what the Mrs. thinks.

My wife keeps asking me when I will not want to hunt anymore and my reply has always been, WHEN I'M DEAD AND NOT A SECOND BEFORE. I can always change my mind but that is for me to decide, not her. Just tonight she said that I think about hunting too much and that I shouldn't do that. I said that I don't have any control over what I think about. Am I wrong here? I try to make her understand that hunting is a season and I am hers the rest of the year but apparently it is not enough. What can we do to not be forced into choosing between marriage and hunting? It's the same argument every year.
 
Luckily I have a great wife who never complains about my hunting, even though she doesn't hunt. She cooked tenderloin tonight and enjoyed it as much as me. That said, it would not be my choice to choose, it would be hers. I am hunting, come along for the ride or not! Her choice, not mine.

And that said, I also spend quality time with my wife when I am not hunting. I think that is the key for them to not begrudge when you do.

txhunter58

venor, ergo sum (I hunt, therefore I am)
 
^^^Its like everything else in life, you have to find balance. Youve got to give up a few days of hunting, shes got to give you a few more....sounds like the same thing, but its not. I had the same problem years ago, when my wife told me "you can go one weekend a year". At the time I was hunting the Wasatch front extended every weekend and after work, so I was gone alot. I eventually scaled back my days and things have been way better ever since. I now take 1 week for Elk, and 5 days for deer (except during the dedicated hunter years, which I will rejoin next year) Plus a few single days here and there. Limited entry tags are a whole nother ball game, you just take as many days as it takes (how would I know, I cant draw squat) So now I spend more time in the basement at the loading bench instead of always gone to the mountains, not quite a fair trade, but I enjoy it anyways, and it beats watching TV. So ya just have to find the happy middle ground..."Happy wife, happy like" no truer words were ever spoken.
 
Marriage no questions asked. Do things right on the homefront and you won't have to choose. Of course being married does mean that you are giving up some of the freedoms you enjoy being single. The benefits far outweigh the negatives though. Hunting is great but having a best friend as a wife is much better. Too bad my wife doesn't hunt thought, that would be sweet!
 
Worlds shortest fairy tale.......

Once upon a time, a guy asked a girl "Will you marry me?" The girl said, "NO!" And the guy lived happily ever after and went golfing and hunting and fishing a lot and drank beer whenever he wanted. THE END




Dean Parisian
Chippewa Partners
 
Kick-her to the curb if she's not, or will not let you go hunting. If your partner gets in the way of somthing so deeply important to you as hunting (it could be fishing or other) then you or she has to go! I assume your not gone everyday or never home with her and the kids, right.

Do what you love and what you want, you only live once and if you try to stop hunting for your wife, you'll never forgive yourself!
 
My wife is good about me going hunting, she grew up in a hunting family and has been around it all her life. I got her to go hunting herself the first year we where married. She killed a deer and an antelope. Since the birth of our daughter three years ago she doesn't hunt as much as she used too. I don't get out hunting as much as when I was single but that is due more to lack of time and money than my wife not letting me go. When you have kids your whole outlook changes, I am very excited to take my daughter hunting. I took her dove hunting this year and we had a great time. I am excited as she gets older to involve her more and more in hunting.

Mark
 
I proposed to my wife on my first archery hunt for elk. I killed a bull, she accepted and we got married (I think she would have accepted even if I didn't take a bull). We bought her a bow and she started archery elk hunting with me the next year.
Last year she started backpack/high country deer hunting with me and she honestly enjoys it as much as I do I think.
This year she going to try rifle hunting for deer. She isn't sure that she'll be able to close the deal but she's willing to try.
I guess if you're lucky the only decision is in which tags to put in for. Now I get to enjoy hunting in 2 different seasons for each species.
I'm the luckiest man in the world and having the time of my life.
 
Thoughts:

Compromise, within reason.

If wife wants to shut you off completely from hunting for any number of reasons other than spending time with family ("you already have plenty of meat"), then she is wrong.

If she went into the deal thinking you'd lose interest in hunting or could be changed toward that end, she's wrong.

"Spending time with family" is too subjective for any of us redneck bystanders to comment on. It is situational. What's expected of you as a family man should be understood by both parties by this point.

This week is killing me. I spent the summer in Alaska working, fishing, and ending it in a successful moose hunt. My wife took two days off to come hunting with me - something she'd never do - because "you're not going to get anything" and "I want to see the northern lights." I left a dismembered house, in the throes of remodel, to sit all summer. I knew my fate upon return - painting, laying floor, new cabinets. My work has not allowed me time off to get this done. Hence, I sit here knowing that I cannot go hike my Twisp River drainage trail next weekend, because I've had way too much fun already this year, and my wife walks around the house on bare tile backer and subfloor decking littered with drywall dust and texture overspray, avoiding tarped furniture and piles of hardwood. Since she carried out well over 1/3 of that moose on her back, though, I owe it to her to make her place of fun, the kitchen, liveable again, at the expense of this deer season. make no mistake, though, this week is killing me.

Be very careful with this situation, Doug, and don't do anything rash. I still need to pick your brain some more, and can't have you distracted by custody battles or other legal affairs. I'm sure there will be regrets whichever way this goes. I think I told you in an email that I don't presume to know all the details and cannot comment, so most of this is anecdotal, but still, be very careful, and move slowly. You've been very good to me with info and whatnot, and it would pain me greatly to see you or any of yours harmed by this.

-Jerry
 
Wasn't aware I had to choose....
How about a wife that lets you hunt whenever and whatever...that welcomes you home with open arms!
 
Marriage.

BUT, my wife would never dream of making me choose. When I'm stressed, she tells me to go hunting. When money's tight, she tells me to put in for NR tags anyway - as she says, "it's important for you to do".

Motherhood and some health issues have kept her from hunting for several years now.

If I had to stop hunting to take care of my family, I would.

My bride, first kill:
4355156a4273c13a.jpg
 
Heres the scoop, after being a fairly private person, and finding that she has told almost everyone on the planet, I figured I would bounce the idea off of folks here. I refuse to put my wife down on any negative attributes, thats my problem. One issue is jealousy, and that has to do with friends, family, time spent with anything other than her. My ex-wife could have had a real problem wiht me, I would be gone every second. Not the case here. I have given up a majority of my time outdoors, and almost all other hobbies, friends and even family just to have a happy life at home. Hunting in the fall has been the last stand. I usually take the month of October off, and usually am gone for less than a week total. This year was going to be much the same. First of OCtober off for Moose, deer in the middle if it worked out, and end with elk. At 1pm on the afternoon before I left for the hunt, I get a call at work. I AM LEAVING YOU!. Very devistating. OH, BUT HAVE FUN ON YOUR HUNT< DON"T LET THIS RUIN THE TIME WITH YOUR DAD. Right!!! So, I went moose hunting, and as you know, day two, moose down, home on day three. THen the life at home. I went to go into the mountains, and circumstances the way they were I was gone one night. I came home deciding family was more important than hunting. I finally convinced myself that I should at least go opening morning or I would resent her for the rest of her life. Killed a pitiful little deer the first hour in the hunt, and am at home. Now elk season is coming. I'm taking my girls camping for 5 days before the hunt, then the hunt. Most likely will be over the opener, God willing. Well, at counseling yesterday it came out that she resents hunting because she believes my hunting makes her have to work part-time. She could stay home and not work her 2.5 days per week if I didn't hunt. The counselor feels that I should be alble to meet that dream and give up hunting. The heck with the rest of budget life. Anyway, thats what spawns the question. I no longer fish, no longer have friends and family, no longer do any of my other favorite hobbies, and the only thing I look forward to other than my family is hunting and I am being asked to give it up. Why bother living if you have nothing to live for or work towards. Don't get me wrong I love my girls. The funny thing is, as you guys know, she hunted with me last year and that was fine. We used to shed hunt when we dated etc. Its not like this was a surprise. I have toned it down tons since marraige. I'm not really looking for anyone to solve my problems here, but since I am not at any mens group at church, or at any bars, or have friends to bounce ideas off of besides my Dad, and an occasional buddy that I pester on e-mail, I figured I would see what other people might think. Weird thing is, I love this person enough to do it, it just downs't seem fair, and what is next????There is nothing else. Its just a matter of extreme jealousy.
 
I have been married for 11 years. 4 children all under the age of 8. My wife new when we were married that hunting was a passion.

Over the years I've been getting more flack. Especially this year. I'm leaving Sunday for a week on an elk hunt here in Oregon. This will be my 3rd week out this year. For the last two weeks it's been heck with her.

What I have found that would make any woman happy is leaving her a card with LOTS of money to go shoping while I'm gone.

This seems to really calm her down.

Answer to your question...Marriage...I couldn't live without her or the kids.

muleyman
 
This is a really depressing post. I feel bad for some of you guys.

I just want to publicly THANK MY WIFE for letting me go crazy during the seasons. Yes, she sometimes thinks I go too much, and yes, sometimes she is right.

But I don't have to bribe her, or beg her to go. She knew what she was getting into before we got married and she is smart enough to know you can't change people.

She grew up in a hunting family, and she hunts. We have been together 7 years and married 5 and in that time she has taken a 27" 4 point muley, an antelope that scores around 77" and a 44" 9x10 shiras moose, along with a couple smaller muley bucks. Right now she is mad that we haven't had any elk in the freezer for a while and she really wants to go deer hunting in the next couple weeks.

I have been gone hunting nearly every weekend along with a couple days off since the end of August, and my "big" hunt doesn't even start until 11/1. No complaints from her. Last Saturday, she went pheasant hunting with me and packed our 3year old son on her back most of the way (she wasn't hunting, just wanted to come along!)

To my wife Karyn, thanks and I love you very much.
Lance
 
Dang doug, thats tough, first thing that counselor is full of BS for wanting you to quit hunting so your wife doesnt have to work 2.5 days a week, doesnt sound like shes trying to meet half way. wed be broke if my wife didnt work. I think if my wife told me to quit hunting or were done, id be done with her. Ive scaled back my hunting and she doesnt say much about it. And Ive learned I need to hunt away from home cause if i hunt from the house im getting asked when you leaving, when you gonna be home, your going out tomorrow to. Thats real relaxing listening to all that. If ya need a beer and a friendly ear to chat into, give me a call, im just down the road from ya.
 
It is not fair and there is no way I would do it. Sounds like you have given up enough. Crying cause she has to work 2.5 days a week...............yeeks, what a over acheiver.
 
Take solace in the fact that you are not alone. Many couples go through rough patches. I feel your hunting is not the main issue although it's easy to say it's the cause. Marriage and children raising bring up many trials and tribulations. My advice is to see your own therapist or another counsler and work to save the marriage. Once the kids can take care of themselves and your wife has her own hobby maybe you can make up for the time you've missed.
I had one of those early Nachees elk permits and shot a three point bull opening day and opening minute because the guilt of take time away was ruining the hunt. A lot of my hunting time is spent cruising this site. Those of you who get to sit on a buck or bull all pre-season better not take it for granted.
 
Hunterfolk, you make a good point and one I look forward to. When the kids are more grown up, can drive then that will be the time to spend a little more in the outdoors. Only 10 more years for the youngest to be there. 8 for the oldest.
 
Sounds like a tough situation to be in. I would, without any question, give up hunting and anything else required to keep peace at home.

Luckily, my sweetheart has always supported me in my hobbies. As I have gotten older and more "grown up" I have personally noticed the need to trim down on certain activities. Not necessarily any requirement of hers, just myself recognizing what is most important.

My wife understands that every fall I will need a few days (maybe more) to hunt deer and elk. To do this, I don't go fly fishing as much as I used to, and I try to find activities closer to home to enjoy the outdoors without spending too much time away or too much money. I usually make a trip to the gun range every couple to three weeks and I also spend a lot of time at home helping with the children and dinner etc. That said, the dog on basement is still UNFINISHED and that is getting old. I am going to have to figure out a way to fix that part.

I have tried to get her to hunt with me, but doesn't want to do it yet. She can't bring herself to kill a cute litle animal or even worse field dress it. That said, she digs right in and helps me cut up the deer and wrap the meat. She literally allows the kitchen and refrigerator to turn into a mini meat processing plant and digs right in to help. I am sure that there are days that she would rather me be home than hunting or tuning the rifles etc., but she never holds a grudge.

If she did ask me to stay home, I would stay home. A marriage is a partnership that requires a lot of sacrifice and time. Sometimes we give, sometimes we take.

Good luck and God bless you and your family!

Firehawk
 
My wife has a quote on this: "We interupt this marriage for hunting season" but I don't think she really knows yet but my hunting season lasts for 365 days a year!!
 
Zigga,

Know you're not alone buddy. When I read your post, it was like I was lookin' in the mirror. No matter what you do for them during the offseason, it's never enough. Any time I so much as look at a hunting mag, talk about it, etc. I'm being too obsessive. Get Real! I maybe hunt & fish (combined) 10-15 days out of the year total. A lot of the rest of the time is mostly spent doing honey do's. Funny how they fail to see that though huh? x(

I think my wife is finally seeing the light though and realizing that this is who I am...LOVE IT OR LEAVE IT!!! She's still with me, and we hit our 7th anniversary just last month.

EG



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"A man can be hard to find in the mountains, but you're welcome at my fire anytime."
 
Interesting post. Im sure most of you guys are joking around, but there are some who obviously not. If any of you guys would be willing to put away your wife for a hobby, you might as well get out of your marriage right now. Sure, there is give and take. You respect her interests and she respecst yours. However, bottom line is that there are priorities, and there is no greater priority than your wife and family. Put that first, and everything else will fall into place. Any male that puts anything above his family is just that, a male. A man knows what is important.

That said, it sucks when you are asked to make a choice. My wife and I just added our first little boy to the family on October 6th. I drew a Book Cliffs rifle tag this year and will be leaving on Thursday. Im lucky enough to have a wife that is willing to let me have fun a week out of the year. Even more, Im happy to know my wife is an independant woman who, at times, even looks forward to her time away from me. Even in the happiest of marriages, everyone needs time away from each other. I think its healthy.

-Travis
 
AR37....hehehe, right on!

Doug, ditto what kirkl said. I dont think she's meeting halfway. There can be no "its hunting or me". You will not respect her and will resent the fact that you had to give it up, always. It will hang over your relationship like a rotten fish....

For those of you that say "Marriage...no doubt at all" ??? Huh?? It just cant be that simple. Think of the one thing your wife might have...maybe her relationship with her mom,or something like that, and imagine saying, "its your mom or me baby". If she did give up her mom for you, do you think she'd EVER be at peace with that? You guys obviously dont feel about hunting/outdoors like I do....or Doug does (I've known Doug since 90).

Compromise...she has to, you have to. I am in the boat that many on here have stated, about like kirkl. I have scaled back, especially since kids, but see it as a temporary detour, as the kids get older and are with me more or doing other things, I'll be hunting/photographing/scouting more too.

Good Luck Bud,

Ernie
 
Grizzmoose, i dont buy what you said either, shes "Willing" to let me go hunting for a week. Willing, you got to be kidding me. Theres 365 days a year and shes "willing" to let you have 7 days. My wife coaches varsity high school volleyball so this time of year shes basically gone tuesday, thursday nights and sometimes saturday. So I look at that as her time away. Heres usually my hunting schedule every year, spring, turkey hunt 4 days straight then on weekends if i dont get one. deer hunting usually 4-6 days a year maybe a couple more, elk, 2-4 days. Thats if i dont draw a special permit. if that happens, add alot of days. If my wife isnt "willing" to let me hunt then she basically give a rats a$$ on what I like to do so if she thought that way then she can go you know where if it came down to that. My wife knew i hunted when we were going out so I can honestly say shes pretty good about it. Plus like others said, my kids are getting older and im gonna take my daughter out this year when I try to shoot a cow with my AHE.
 
Everybody needs to go back and read post #24 real good,,,read it three or four times if you need to and then ask yourself if you were in boneaddicts shoes what you would do. I dont think many of you who say marriage first would say it again.

Mike
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I have absolutely NO DOUBT (ZERO) that if faced with the decision of my marriage or hunting....I would choose my MARRIAGE without question.

To me, my wife and family are my number 1 priority. There is NOTHING in this world more important than that. Not hunting, not friends, not work, not hobbies, NOTHING!

I am lucky to have a wife who understands my love and passion for hunting and the outdoors, and has done everything in her power to make sure I have the chance to pursue my desires. When she got her Christmas bonus 2 years ago, she gave it to me and told me to go buy the camera (Panasonic FZ-10) that I wanted. Last year when I drew my limited entry tag, she saved extra money and told me to go buy the new spotting scope and binos that I wanted. She never gives me grief about hunting, and actually encourages me to do it since I focus so much of my time, money, and energy on giving her the life that she wants.

However, she does expect family to be my top priority....which she has every right to expect. Last year, I missed 4 days of my limited entry elk hunt so I could be at doctors appointments for my wife. The main thing is, she didnt have to ask me to be there, or tell me to be there. I decided a long time ago, that my FAMILY is the most important thing in my life, and there is NOTHING I wouldnt do for them. If that ever meant giving up hunting.....then SO BE IT! This year has been a tough year financially, and so Im only able to hunt opening deer hunt weekend...and Im only doing that because my wife is basically "forcing" me to go because she knows how much it means to me. (Like Im going to argue that! :) )

SCOTT
 
Thanks for the support guys and ALL of your posts. I may take you up on that beer Kirk. Hornseeker is well aware of how I changed. I was with him more my first marraige than I was with my wife. That was wrong, and now here I sit. At least I have several days with my girls. I hope I can bring some bulls in for them, and the fire will be surrounded with great company. I hope my wife joins us. She will miss out if she doesn't. Its funny having some of this advice from a counselor that makes more in one hour than I make in a day, and I actually do fairly well I thought. Maybe a budget doesn't mean much for him. If he thinks my wife has to work her 2.5 days so I can hunt he is full of it. Nope, there is underlying problems, and I wish they would get helped. Meanwhile I will scale back more and try to get everything out in the open. My marraige to this woman is worth it, but I don't think I will give up hunting. I really don't think someone that loves someone would want them to give up their passion. If she thinks its bad now wait until I spring on her that HS and I are going hunting with Deer king in a couple years, or wait until I book that Alaskan moose hunt with Vek next year, or Kirkl and I hit Idaho for some real elk. hehehheehee OOOOps thats a little vindictive isn't it. Bad Doug
Thanks Again All! It will work out.
 
There is no doubt in my mind that there are underlying issues here, the hunting is not an issue at all, it looks to me that there is a huge lack of trust and some obvious insecurity working here. I hope you can pull this marriage out of the ditch, but some of the guys that have posted in this thread have no idea what it is like to be in a really bad marital situation.

Mike
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boneaddict

SOUNDS LIKE THINGS ARE ONLY GETTING WORSE???

I'D GET RID OF HER SOON!!!

TO LIVE IN AGONY THE REST OF YOUR LIFE JUST AIN'T RIGHT!!!

A WOMAN CAN COME UP WITH ALOT OF BULL#### EXCUSES!!!

IT'S A GOOD THING WE CAN'T READ THEIR MINDS!!!

NOW I'M NOT BASHING ALL WOMEN!!!

BUT A WOMAN THAT TREATS YOU LIKE THAT HAS GOT TO GO!!!

THE ONLY bobcat GIVING MARITAL ADVICE WHEN NEEDED!!!
 
ONE MORE THING boneaddict!!!

SEE IF SHE WANTS TO HUNT WITH ME & TOLLERATE MY BULL#### FOR A FEW MONTHS???

SHE'D BE BEGGING TO GET BACK HOME WITH YOU!!!

THE ONLY bobcat THAT COULD NOT,WOULD NOT & WILL NOT TOLLERATE A WOMAN THAT GETS P.O.ED ABOUT ME GOING HUNTING!!!
 
If you gotta choose, you chose the wrong sport or wife, one.

Short, true story....I did a lot of spearfishing and hunting just before and right after we got married (1981). After about 1 year of marriage, at a family gathering, my mother in law (orginally from Hamburg, Germany) asked my wife "zo, how do you like being married, Barbara?". My wife responded that it was great, only that she thought I might hunt and fish and spearfish a little too much.

My mother in law, without hesitation, gave the following advice to my wife/her daughter (while I was in the room);

"Men need to get out, it's just the way they are. You NEED to understand that right now. That being a given, now what would you rather have....your man getting out in the forest doing an honest and healthy sport (hunting, fishing, etc.) or would you deny him that and then have him hang out with his other buddies in bars and what-not where they could get into all kinds of trouble? Before you answer, remember, men HAVE to get out".

True story and man, do I love my mother in law........
 
Bobcat, you sure aint helpin much!

Michael~All Gods creatures welcome... right next to the mashed potatoes and gravy.
 
I can't believe that your counselor told you to quit hunting. Several years ago my wife and I went through the same thing. We went to counseling and believe it or not but the counselor took my side. In fact one day when we were leaving he told me to hang in there. Talk about pissing off my wife. It has taken several years for us to come to a middle ground on my hunting. I don't hunt any less but I try and do more with the wife and kids right before and after hunting. And my wife and I go on a few weekend getaways a year too besides our family vacations.

Has your wife left you yet or is she threatening to leave? That would also help make my decision if I were you. I agree with the guys that are saying that wife and family come first but only to a point. She may want out and this is just an excuse to do it. In that case it may be a mute point. I hope everything works out for you in the end.
 
MichaelJ

BEING THE RIPE OLD AGE THAT YOU ARE I HAVE A FEW QUESTIONS FOR YOU!!!

HOW MANY YEARS HAVE YOU TOLLERATED THE OLE LADY'S BULL####,I'M TALIKNG A WIFE NOT YOUR MOTHER???

YOU ENJOY WHAT YOU'VE BEEN DOING THIS YEAR RIGHT???

HAVE YOU EVER HAD A WOMAN TELL YOU SHE'S TIRED OF YOUR HUNTING HABITS???

HAVE YOU EVER LEFT IN MID-SEPTEMBER ONLY TO RETURN IN NOVEMBER & FIND ALL YOUR #### THROWED OUT???

I'M TRYING TO HELP THE GUY OUT,HE'S IN MISERY,IT'S ONLY GETTING WORSE,WHY SHOULD HE SUFFER HIS WHOLE LIFE???

NOW IF YOU'RE ALL SMART(FAT CHANCE!!!) YOU'LL FIND A GAL THAT LIKES TO HUNT AS MUCH AS Pred DOES,THE PROBLEM IS THIS TYPE IS EXTREMELY RARE & MOST OF YOU COULDN'T HANDLE A GAL THAT CAN OUT HUNT YOU ANYWAY!!!

WELL Michael ENJOY WHAT YOU'RE DOING WHILE YOU CAN,ONE DAY YOU'LL PROBABLY FIND A WOMAN THAT WILL TRY & PUT A BIND IN YOUR STYLE!!!

THE ONLY bobcat THINKING IF I WAS EVER TOLD I HAD TO QUIT HUNTING I'D TELL HER: "DAMN I'M GOING TO MISS YOU"!!!
 
Doug, Just give me the call and ill be in Idaho hunting elk with ya. Ill be back the 31st then will have a beer and talk about your buck and the big buck im gonna shoot in a few days and that big bull you kill and anything else that comes up.
 
My wife and I went through a little of this earlier this fall. Now I just relize I have to meet her needs also. Call her during the day and tell her that I love her etc. When she knows that shes love and appreciated I can hunt all I want to. Russ
 
Marriage.

"The counselor feels that I should be able to meet that dream and give up hunting."

The counselor is off base if that is what he/she said. I do alot of counseling w/ couples. Its not the counselor's job to impose personal opinion or values on the client. Our job is to help others learn to work out problems, come up with thier solutions, based on thier values.

No one here is qualified, based on the limited info we have, to tell you you should or shouldn't give up on the marriage. Odds are it is salvagable, but it'll take some tongue biting, and readjusting on both party's parts. Don't make and act on any major life decisions based on emotion.
 
>No one here is qualified, based
>on the limited info we
>have, to tell you you
>should or shouldn't give up
>on the marriage.

Dude.....I'm surprised you call yourself a counseler cause you obviously haven't been paying ANY attention to most of the threads on this forum. Most of us are all experts on everything. Sheeeeeeeeessssssshhhhhhh
 
Marriage is about compromise. She should be willing to help out and even if she has to work her 2.5 hours a week isn't that bad. When I married my husband, he didn't hunt. Then all of a sudden he decided to take a go at it one year. That first year was tough. We had our ups and downs, and arguments. He was up there every weekend, and any night after work until he got his deer. Well, we have been married for 3 years, and I have learned to compromise. I actually hunted with him this year and I got my first deer. He has gotten me into his hobby, and I still have mine, but it is also some thing that we both enjoy doing together. But I also like the time that I have with out him. But he even has learned to compromise. He spends a night or a weekend at home, and then he goes out with his hunting buddies, and helps them or he scouts and stalkes up on his. I think you shouldn't have to choose. Learn to adjust to it, and it she isn't willing to compromise and adjust to your hunting, then there is something else wrong. If anything I would try and do both. It is a hobby, something you love doing. Have you told her to not do any of her hobbies?!! It works both ways. Hopefully it doesn't end badly...
 
Hunting isn't the issue!! It'a just the excuse. Sounds to me she is jealous of your hobby any women that complains about working 2.5 hours a week is just plain selfish. If she loved you she would work as many hours as it would take to support your hunting and you would do the same for her interests. The one thing I have learned after 20 years of marriage is there is no such thing as 50/50. Someone always gives more to make it work. If you can live the rest of your life without hunting then stay married. I agree with alpinebowomen, you shouldn't have to choose. Good luck.
 
Women, just like streetcars, another one will be along in about 15 minutes. :)

Marriage vs hunting. It shouldn't be a choice. If it is there's a problem before you get out the gate.

Here's my two cents, which probably ain't worth that.

Here's some things you better figure out with your potential spouse BEFORE you ever tie the knot. These are the most likely things you and your other half will disagree about so you better figure 'em out, one way or the other, before hand. I call 'em the "seven biggies".

1. Money - How much do you have, how much do you need and how to spend it.
2. Sex - How much do you need and when do you get it.
3. Time - How much do you have and how to spend it, both together and apart. (this is where the hunting comes in)
4. Kids - How many, if any, do you want and when, and how will you raise them.
5. Careers - Who all needs one and who will make sacrifices for it.
6. Family/relatives - How close do you want to be and do you both agree on how involved they will be in your lives.
7. Religion - Do you agree on it, or at least agree to disagree on it.

No big mystery here, just communication. By the way, been married 25 + years.
 
LAST EDITED ON Oct-19-05 AT 09:33PM (MST)[p]Bone:
Dont know it this helps but, Ive been married for almost 18 years and we dated for 4 years before we got married. Ive been hunting every year since I was 8 years old. I am now 39. She knew what she was getting before we got married. We now have three great kids. Two sons 11 and 13, and a daughter 16. My wife has nothing to do with hunting period. She will eat the game but has a hard time killing anything. She will on occasion go fishing but not often. Besides hunting I have been fishing Bass tournaments for about 10 years so other then when my boys are playing football or my daughter competitive soccer you know what Im doing on the weekends. The nice thing is that all my kids have their hunting license, my 13 year old shot his first elk last year and my 11 year old will be pheasant, and turkey hunting with me in a few weeks. My daughter has had hers since she was 12 and has finally come around and decided to use it and hunt too. The bottom line is this, My family has all been very dedicated hunters for many generations and if my kids are any sign then that will continue to be so. I love my wife, but if I was to ever be given the ultimative of my marriage or my hunting then in the words of the great Brad Paisley "I,M GOING TO MISS HER WHEN I GET HOME". My kids are blood and that can never be taken away. She knew what she was getting when she got it and that is the way it would be without a second thought.
Brian
 
From MRS. D. F.
This is a tough one! I the most important thing to keep as your top priority are your children. The kids needs should come before anything. Your wife sounds pretty focused on herself and her insecurities which could ultimately lead to YOUR kids being raised by another man if the marriage dissolves because of this issue. Perhaps a different counselor would help. Do you know of a good pastor in your area that hunts and fishes?!! Get some GOOD counseling from a fair and unbiased person. I wish more women would realize that most men are happier, better husbands because of their hunting. We all need to have something in our life that brings us joy and accomplishment. Plus, a man NEEDS to have some time away from work, wife, and kids, just like we women like a little "selfish" time, once in a while, too! My husband and I hunt together and I have had some of the best times of my life with him during those trips. But every couple needs to spend a reasonable amount of time apart to have a healthy relationship, or someone is going to feel smothered. If your marriage is wrong, you can always leave later, but for now, think about your beautiful children. You may have to make a sacrifice for their well being. Your wife will have to face the consequences of her actions eventually, though. She needs to know that she is hurting her family. Maybe if she realises how much damage she is doing, she will try to change.
 
Somethings gotta give, sounds like hunting is the tip of the iceberg on this one. Good posts on this with lots of insight. In my opinion, its all about balance. Doesn't sound to me like your wife has much balance on this issue. I know my wife (she doesn't hunt at all) doesn't think its the greatest thing when I leave her to go hunting. However, she is supportive of me doing it so long as it doesn't get excessive. Your hunting doesn't sound excessive to me. Maybe your wife has other insecurities that are playing in to this. Sorry to hear about it, I hope you can work it out. Rememeber, divorce, in my opinion, is the easy way out.
 
If the spouse has a problem about her husband hobbie of hunting then ther must be other problems with the relationship....wouldnt matter if the hobbie hunting ,fishing or kite flying there would still be problems between them.
 
true thoughts boys, sounds like the hunting isn't the real concern, I don't know the details but sounds like she resents the fact that she needs to work to help out and decides to shift the blame for that to hunting. Divorce is the easy way out, if that is all the problems that you have sounds like you're doing okay.
 
I just re-read #24. Everyone is absolutely right. It is not about hunting, she would be mad if you collected stamps.

I never married her, but I dated/lived with a nutbag from 1993-2001. From 1993-1998 I had 0 friends other than the ones I had from before. She was so jealous of my time/what I was doing, I would ge the 3rd degree while I was on the phone with my mother. Sure hunting usually was blamed by her and I believed it for quite a few years. Til I just realized she was a nutbag and did what I wished. Funny, she used to say if I married her she wouldn't be jealous anymore................whew, I may have been stupid for staying with her that long, but thank god I didn't marry/have kids with her. I feel sorry for whoever she is making miserable now.
 
Good one, dink. That sounds real dang familiar, I'm sorry to say. Been there too. There's a joke about a writing on a bathroom wall in a bar that sums it up pretty nicely;

"Remember that she might look good to you tonight, but yesterday someone was sick and tired of putting up with her s----"
 
Doug,
Reading your posts is like reading my own history, been there and definitely done that. My wife once asked me if I'd give up hunting to stay home with her. After much thought I said no, if I quit hunting, no one could stand to live with me! Either way the marriage wouldn't work, it only works if you can both be happy, and being able to hunt is an integral part of my happiness. Be careful that you don't relieve her resentment by staying home and acquire your own dose of resentment for being forced to be there. You'll still have a load of resentment causing trouble, all you will have accomplished is to change its ownership. I hope you can work it out.
 
Hey partner (and everyone else.) I've read and enjoyed the mule deer forum for years without joining, but when I saw the question about choosing marriage or hunting, I just had to join and throw in my 2 bits:
It wasn't many years ago I was asking myself the same question- long story made short, I chose marriage but the hunting damage (gone too much, obsessing, and putting hunting before everything else) had already been done, and she left. I turned my life over to Christ at that point, and 9 years later, I'm happily remarried and happily hunting, too.
Read what Jesus said in Matthew 6:33 about how to order your life. Contrary to what most people think, the Good Lord actually wants you to enjoy life but not at the expense of hurting yourself and others. Jesus came that we have abundant life (John,10:10,) but if we have to question if marriage should come before hunting, we're totally missing the point. No amount of Boone and Crockett bucks will ever love you back like a wife that you've loved first.
I'm no saint (but I am a forgiven sinner!) but I know my wife is very happy and doesn't wonder if I'd chose hunting over her. I hunt many days a year, but I make sure my house is in order first, which in turn, makes me a better hunter- 'cause if mama ain't happy, ain't nobody happy!
If anyone thinks that being divorced will mean more hunting time, look around. Most of the guys I know that get divorced suddenly start spending time chasing women or blowing all their dough on child support, so they're no more effective hunters than when they were married.
These are just one Christian's thoughts, good luck and God bless y'all!
P.S. My wife doesn't hunt, which is OK; one less rifle to buy and horse to saddle.
 

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