Craziest client stories

[sonofthesouth]

I was talking with Huntsonora about all of the people that you meet when your guiding and some of the crazy/funny/stupid things they do that leave you thinking or saying WTF??? Here is my best from 09, if you have one lets here it.

All of the names, dates p-laces have been changed to protect the inoccent.

During the 09 season on a archery deer hunt I had a guy in camp that looked just like Barney Fife got big eyed and excited like Barney but had a mouth like a drunken Sailor. Anyway we went about this hunt like any other by glassing early in the morning and bedding our deer and then waiting for the afternoon winds to kick up before trying to close the distance on our now bedded buck.

The First stalk: We had bedded a buck that would gross score in the mid 180's and bailed off the hill we had been glassing from and got within a couple hundred yards to look things over from the ground and plan our approach, around 11:00 the winds started picking up enough to cover most of our noise and allow close the distance to less that 100 yards.
I'm now laying prone with my 15's glued to my face and not saying a word, just laying there looking back in the trees and brush beyond our buck for the three or four other deer that had been with him and trying to guess his next move or which way he might get up and feed out if we happen to be there that long. We had both sat silent for a little over an hour when I whispered that we were going to move in another 20yrds and out of the nowhere Barney starts with:

" The LORD is my shepherd, I shall not be in want.
He makes me lie down in green pastures,
he leads me beside quiet waters,
he restores my soul.
He guides me in paths of righteousness
for his name?s sake.
Even though I walk
through the valley of the shadow of death,
I will fear no evil,
for you are with me;
your rod and your staff,
they comfort me.
You prepare a table before me
in the presence of my enemies.
You anoint my head with oil;
my cup overflows.
Surely goodness and love will follow me
all the days of my life,
and I will dwell in the house of the LORD forever......(long pause)..... PREPARE TO DIE MOTHER F#@K2R"

Now I'm as religious as the next guy but I was in shock, I was officially knocked off my game by this little recital; the stalk ended with us getting busted and nothing but fire and brimstone mixed with some expletives being lobbed down range.

Attempt number two: This played out from the start of the day down to our approach just like the first except the "sermon on the mount" took place at a very close 80yrds and ended with "YOU'LL BE BARNEY SHIZ BY NEXT WEEK.....(long pause).... MOTHER F#@K2R"

I rolled over on my back and laid there for several minutes, one because I didn't really want to turn my back on someone that was both armed and clearly insane and Two, to try and regain my composure. This stalk ended with an arrow actually joining a barrage of four letter words that were hurled in the bucks direction but nothing coming of it.

I spent the rest of my time with "Barney" watching him as much as I looked for deer mostly due to 1 part fear and 2 parts curiosity. We had one more stalk that ended just like the others with nothing being killed but my desire to watch Pulp Fiction or read the Bible.

To get the full gist of what I was blessed with you have to picture Barney Fife dressed in camo kneeling there big eyed pointing into the trees at a some unsuspecting buck and cussing at him like he stole something. I half way expected him to pull his one broad head out of his shirt pocket before going any further or for Andy to come be-bopping in patting his gut and saying "Mmmm Mmm Aunt B Aunt B"

Be nice to hear some others, I cant be the only one.

Son

 

[manny16]

only here for a minute so i won't elaborate.......
makes you wonder if these barney fifes have ever really taken an animal?
and what would happen if they did?

soon the love in his heart will be the rage in his fist

Jesus is coming and boy is he pissed

 

[sonofthesouth]

to hear him tell it...yes, but who knows?!?

Son

 

[Buckmania]

>I was talking with Huntsonora about
>all of the people that
>you meet when your guiding
>and some of the crazy/funny/stupid
>things they do that leave
>you thinking or saying WTF???
>Here is my best from
>09, if you have one
>lets here it.
>
>All of the names, dates p-laces
>have been changed to protect
>the inoccent.
>
>During the 09 season on a
>archery deer hunt I had
>a guy in camp that
>looked just like Barney Fife
>got big eyed and excited
>like Barney but had a
>mouth like a drunken Sailor.
>Anyway we went about this
>hunt like any other by
>glassing early in the morning
>and bedding our deer and
>then waiting for the afternoon
>winds to kick up before
>trying to close the distance
>on our now bedded buck.
>
>
>The First stalk: We had bedded
>a buck that would gross
>score in the mid 180's
>and bailed off the hill
>we had been glassing from
>and got within a couple
>hundred yards to look things
>over from the ground and
>plan our approach, around 11:00
>the winds started picking up
>enough to cover most of
>our noise and allow close
>the distance to less that
>100 yards.
>I'm now laying prone with my
>15's glued to my face
>and not saying a word,
>just laying there looking back
>in the trees and brush
>beyond our buck for the
>three or four other deer
>that had been with him
>and trying to guess his
>next move or which way
>he might get up and
>feed out if we happen
>to be there that long.
>We had both sat silent
>for a little over an
>hour when I whispered that
>we were going to move
>in another 20yrds and out
>of the nowhere Barney starts
>with:
>
>" The LORD is my shepherd,
>I shall not be in
>want.
>He makes me lie down in
>green pastures,
>he leads me beside quiet waters,
>
>he restores my soul.
>He guides me in paths of
>righteousness
>for his name?s sake.
>Even though I walk
>through the valley of the shadow
>of death,
>I will fear no evil,
>for you are with me;
>your rod and your staff,
>they comfort me.
>You prepare a table before me
>
>in the presence of my enemies.
>
>You anoint my head with oil;
>
>my cup overflows.
>Surely goodness and love will follow
>me
>all the days of my life,
>
>and I will dwell in the
>house of the LORD forever......(long
>pause)..... PREPARE TO DIE MOTHER
>F#@K2R"
>
>Now I'm as religious as the
>next guy but I was
>in shock, I was officially
>knocked off my game by
>this little recital; the stalk
>ended with us getting busted
>and nothing but fire and
>brimstone mixed with some expletives
>being lobbed down range.
>
>Attempt number two: This played out
>from the start of the
>day down to our approach
>just like the first except
>the "sermon on the mount"
>took place at a very
>close 80yrds and ended with
>"YOU'LL BE BARNEY SHIZ BY
>NEXT WEEK.....(long pause).... MOTHER F#@K2R"
>
>
>I rolled over on my back
>and laid there for several
>minutes, one because I didn't
>really want to turn my
>back on someone that was
>both armed and clearly insane
>and Two, to try and
>regain my composure. This stalk
>ended with an arrow actually
>joining a barrage of four
>letter words that were hurled
>in the bucks direction but
>nothing coming of it.
>
>I spent the rest of my
>time with "Barney" watching him
>as much as I looked
>for deer mostly due to
>1 part fear and 2
>parts curiosity. We had one
>more stalk that ended just
>like the others with
>nothing being killed but my
>desire to watch Pulp Fiction
>or read the Bible.
>
>To get the full gist of
>what I was blessed with
>you have to picture Barney
>Fife dressed in camo kneeling
>there big eyed pointing into
>the trees at a some
>unsuspecting buck and cussing at
>him like he stole something.
>I half way expected him
>to pull his one broad
>head out of his shirt
>pocket before going any further
>or for Andy to come
>be-bopping in patting his gut
>and saying "Mmmm Mmm Aunt
>B Aunt B"
>
>Be nice to hear some others,
>I cant be the only
>one.
>
>Son


Son!

I literally was in tears reading this and my face and stomach are friggin killing me right now from laughing so hard! Wow! I would pay good money to have been a part of that hunt!

Thanks for sharing.

 

[Bullelk1]

Now that was some funny stuff!!!

 

[never_catch]

LMAO this story gets funnier the more I hear it!! I told you before Son, even though you guys didn't kill at least you got an awesome story out of it!! You forgot to tell them about him falling out of the Rhino though...LMAO!!

~Z~

 

[cantkillathing]

That is funny stuff there. Great story.

 

[liecabucks]

Oh thats bad A** I'm using that one next time before I pull the trigger!




Sit tall in the saddle, hold your head up high, keep your eyes fixed to where the trail meets the sky...

 

[sonofthesouth]

I hadn't really planned on telling this part but since it has been brought up here but since ~Z~ asked about it, here it is:
?
This Ranch we were hunting is huge, I'm talking nearly 50 square miles with one public road going through a corner of it, that's it! We get to most of the places we're going, at least the lion?s share of it, on ranch roads and then we will hike out from there and go back to the bike at lunch or in the evening. On what turned out to be the last day "Barney" and I were together, we headed back to camp around 11:00 in the morning and had about a 45 minute drive on old roads used mostly for when it was chained back in the 60-70's so You can imagine the condition- fair to bad. Anyway, we were about twenty minutes in to our 45 minute drive when it happened, the road was about a mile of straight away with an ever so slight dogleg to the left after going through a deep hog back, well I went ever so slightly left at about 25 mph and at the exact same time "Barney", who was sound asleep, went ever so slowly to the right then quickly hit the dirt at 25mph and even more quickly came to a dead stop.?

In my mind I KNEW he we dead, several huge boulders had rolled down off the hogback and ended up spaced out right beside the road, how he missed them is beyond me. When I got the bike stopped I jumped out and ran back to where he...... Lay isn't the right word, neither is sat......to where he was balled up and looked for some sign that he was still with me and not off walking through the Valley of the Shadow of Death; to my relief, and to the sounds of a man blacking out from having the wind knocked out of him, he was alive. ? ?
?
When he came around I got him sat up and got some water in him and asked if he wanted me to call an Ambulance, he said no mixed with a ton of ear burners and after about 40 minutes of "walking it off" he saddled the Rhino back up and we headed in to camp. The worst injury he had was where his bow had hit him across the back and gave him a welt like I'd never seen before.?
After lunch and a handful of hydrocodones "Barney" informed me that it had been a good run but he was going to hang it up and admit defeat. I guess I don't blame him.?
?
To be honest, I didn't try and stop the man!

?
Son

 

[oakbrush]

It wasn't manny16 was it? You can PM me if you would rather not say

 

[AZbowhntr]

Wow, this is the most I've laughed in a long time. I wonder if Barney ever comes to this site.

 

[ramtagless]

Yeah - that is some funny stuff. Not sure if it was my strange sense of humor or what...but I was sitting at my work desk with tears rolling down my face.

 

[fldrw22]

Is Barney availble to host Parties .I cant imagine how good things would get if he had a few beers in him.
This is definately going to compete with the " DUCK CALL DUDE " for post of the decade .GOOD TIMES and GOOD HUNTING .

 

[Gator]

Now that was some funny stuff. Keep going at this guiding deal and you will be able to write a book on the Do's and Don'ts of guiding clients. LOL


"I have found if you go the extra mile it's Never crowded".

 

[MTQuivers]

I am also at work and I also had a few tears work their way out. That is funny shiz! Picturing Barney Fife dead asleep flying out of a Rhino at 25 mph hitting the dirt and coming to a "dead stop" is to much. My stomach hurts.My co-workers are wondering what is so funny.

This story can't compare with that but I will throw one in. I once took out a buddy of mine on his first bowhunt. This freind was about 5'2" and about 250 lbs. he was in his 40's, divorced and lonely and wanted to get into hunting so I decided to take him out and help him develop a new hobby. As we were driving to one of my favorite trailheads I spot a small 4 point standing 20 yards off the road in the thick trees. I stop the truck and tell him to get out and shoot fully expecting this deer to run away. He tells me his bow is in the case in the bed of the truck. He is on the opposite side of the truck from the deer so I tell him to slowly open the door and sneak back and get his bow and take the shot. At this point I think the buck is never going to just stand there. He gets out the door and waddles back to get his bow. I hear the truck bed rattling around and then expect the buck to run but it doesn't. I keep watching this stupid deer expecting an arrow to whack him at any moment (or at least go whizzing by him!) but nothing. I remember thinking "what is he waiting for?" I continued to watch this buck knowing that at any second he is going to get whacked but nothing happened and this dumb buck is still standing there. After what seemed like an eternity I had enough and I had to see what the heck was going on. I looked in my rear view mirror just in time to see my buddy finishing SCREWING IN HIS STABILIZER!!! About that time the buck slowly walked off into the trees. I looked back at my buddy to see if he was going to shoot but he didn't even notice the deer walking away because he was to busy LOADING 6 ARROWS INTO HIS QUIVER!!!!!! All I could do was shake my head and laugh but I held off to see what he would do next. He then went into "stealth mode". His face got all serious and he loaded an arrow onto his bow and started sneaking back to the front of the truck. He peaked over the hood and I wish you could have all seen the serious disappointment on his face when he realized that the deer was gone. He looked shocked. He was ready to score his first buck and it "just disappeared!"...Needless to say I laughed the rest of the way up the mountain.

P.S. come to think of it I took this same guy fishing at scofeild and he fell out of the boat while leaning over the edge to wash his hands. But that is a whole different story!

Jason Yates
Basin Archery Shop
http://www.basinarcheryshop.com
5% OFF to all MonsterMuleys.com Members!!!
Discount code = monstermuleys

 

[GotBowAz]

Funny stories!! Here?s one for ya. My buddy Don who is from out of state and I plan a hunt here in Arizona for Javelina. He has a neighbor that he really doesn't know too well but the guy had never hunted and practically begged Don to go. What the heck, the neighbor helped pay for food and fuel so it looked like it would work out well. So we get to our hunting location and start glassing. I found a herd about a half mile away and we make a plan and head for the pigs. We are half way down a drainage when Don?s neighbor knocks and arrow and starts stalking a big rock under a tree. He sneaks up on this rock in tippy toe and we were about 50 yards ahead of him just watching to see what he would do. He actually draws and Don and I look at each other confused. Then came the shot WACK he hits the rock square and he is only standing about 10 feet from it. He then knocks another arrow and shoots it again!! The worst part is the arrow deflects and heads in our direction. We teased this guy for the rest of the weekend. The following weekend Don came back out without his neighbor. Turns out the neighbor won't talk to Don anymore and hasn't for the past 5 years. That might be because when Don came back out he and I hauled that rock out, drilled a hole in it, found his neighbors bent arrow, glued it in and painted red around the shaft. Don took it back with him and set it on his neighbors front door step with a note, we found your pig! Don and I have laughed about this for years.

GBA

 

[LCHC]

Here?s my story. One year I booked a client from AZ on an archery mule deer hunt here in NM and he had asked if his friend could hunt as well. I said sure hoping to get another client for the hunt. Prior to every hunt I have my clients shoot so they are good to go opening morning. That day the wind was blowing so we setup in a deep pit with lots of rock so the wind wouldn't bother the shoots. We setup the target at 20 yards and started shooting. The booked client drilled the target but his friend busted one of his new aluminum arrows at 20 yards. He said he just pulled it. We backed up to 30 yards and the first guy hit the target no problem but his buddy shattered another new arrow. Then shoot another and shattered that one. We backed up to 40 yards and again the first guy hits and the other missed again and shattered 2 more arrows. At this point I'm wondering why this guy is backing up with us and not putting up the bow. After shattering 10 out of the 12 arrows I said maybe something is wrong with his bow and maybe next year would be a good hunt. The paid client harvested a great buck and they both returned to AZ.

After about a week the guy calls me up and said his buddy went to the bow shop to see what was wrong with his bow. The owner had him shoot an arrow in his 20 yard indoor range and whack he hits the wall and shatters 1 of his last 2 arrows. The shop owner said something like it could be that the peep is not set right. The AZ guys response to the shop owner was what is the peep. Turns out the other guy gave him the bow on the way to NM and he had never shot a bow in his life.

More to come about these 2 clients.

LCHC