LMAO!!!! SW, good thing is I am a big puzzy on my Mountain bike. I ride it like a little old lady.
Afraid to go fast, and cant believe how fast I get winded going up hill.
I stay on improved dirt roads so far, and have not even thought about riding it in the dark with a 30lb pack on.
>I wrote this a few years
>ago.
>
>Aaaah mountain bikes
>
>Here is my take! I thought
>it would be a great
>way to scout for deer
>so I purchased a 700
>dollar bike with all the
>goodies.
>
>First time out went like this.
>
>Started up a hill in the
>afternoon and at about 200
>yards into the trip I
>got off because I couldn't
>breath. I began pushing the
>bike up the hill. This
>is when the hell started.
>First to go was my
>pride. As I gasped for
>air three or four women
>and several guys all decked
>out in spandex passed me
>leaving me in the dust.
>Apparently I dint know the
>tour de France was going
>on that weekend. I kept
>on pushing the bike and
>kept on getting passed up.
>After about 3 hours of
>hiking and pushing I got
>to the top of the
>hill. I noticed all the
>other riders tracks had taken
>a right so I took
>a left.
>
>I began slowly riding along the
>trail. The wind was flowing
>across my bald head. I
>just new I would see
>a buck. I began
>to feel very confident on
>my new purchase. I stopped
>at one spot and pulled
>out my spotting scope and
>started scanning. To my surprise
>I didnt see anything. So
>back on the bike only
>this time I didnt hook
>my shoes in the toe
>straps. I just let them
>dangle.
>
>This was my next mistake! As
>I quickly rode down the
>trail a f'n " f'n
>means freaking" stick reached out
>and grabbed my toe strap.
>The next thing I new
>my bike had taken a
>left turn and I had
>keep on going straight. I
>hit the trail and rolled
>over and over down the
>hill. The good thing was
>my brand new spotting scope
>had cushioned my fall. I
>let out the mother of
>all words and went up
>and removed my toe straps
>with my teeth and through
>them down the hill.
>
>Wow! The pain had subsided and
>I was now feeling better.
>Not wanting a little stick
>to ruin my scouting trip
>I got back on my
>iron horse. As I traveled
>several miles down the trail
>I noticed I was only
>looking at a 4" piece
>of trail right in front
>of my tires. I kept
>on thinking this is a
>waste of time! I don't
>know how many deer I
>must have passed and it
>was getting late. So I
>gave up and headed for
>home. As I made my
>way down the trail I
>came upon a little stick
>lying across the trail. I
>had to slow down, so
>I begin applying my now
>squeaky brakes. Well I must
>have applied too much pressure
>on the front brakes and
>the tire came to an
>abrupt stop on that f'n
>stick I was now going
>heels over head only this
>time my bike had some
>how got stuck in my
>leg which caused a pogo
>effect knocking me off the
>trail but not before it
>racked my nadds. The good
>news is my brand new
>spotting scope cushioned my fall.
>I don't know what I
>would have looked like with
>out that in my back
>pack.
>
>When I got to the truck
>I had sore nadds, tore
>up knees, bent handle bars,
>bent seat, and a bruised
>ego. I also hadn't even
>seen a deer and I
>had chinked my spotting scope.
>The good news is I
>was still alive and with
>my new found education on
>mountain biking I wasn't going
>to take it back on
>the hill.
>
>This leads to further mistakes!
>
>I now had a brand new
>sweet 700 dollar bike with
>bent handle bars and a
>bent seat. I had to
>find out how I was
>going to get my moneys
>worth out of my new
>investment. So I thought I
>will just ride it on
>the Jordan River trail every
>night for exercise because I
>hate to run. On my
>first trip I got that
>bike into high gear and
>the next thing I know
>I was flying down the
>trail, the wind was flowing
>over my bald head and
>all was good. That was
>almost all I remember. As
>I came around a corner
>someone had closed a f'n
>metal gate and I had
>apparently ran right into it
>leaving the bike on one
>side and I was now
>on the other. My arm
>had snapped at my elbow
>and I had also separated
>my shoulder. You would have
>thought that would have been
>enough punishment but no. Apparently
>a skunk that had been
>feeding in an over turned
>garbage can had thought some
>screaming idiot was either going
>to try and take his
>garbage away or intended to
>do him harm. So he
>did what skunks do and
>sprayed me. -#&#*!-
>
>I now had a several mile
>trek back home and a
>trip to the emergency room
>to look forward to. The
>only thing I wish was
>my back pack with my
>new spotting scope had saved
>the day cushioning my fall.
>
>
>This is not the end of
>my long winded post!
>
>Fast forward 2 years. It was
>the turkey hunt and I
>had to find out a
>way to get ahead of
>the other turkey hunters that
>were hunting the area I
>was hunting. I thought Ill
>just get that sweet now
>400 looking dollar bike back
>out of retirement. I could
>use it on a canal
>road and ride about a
>mile and beat these hunters
>AKA "ALPINEBOWMAN" to the birds.
> I put on my
>head lamp then strapped on
>the back pack with shot
>gun. On about the fourth
>turn I ducked a limb.
>However apparently you can't duck
>a back pack with a
>shotgun sticking up. The f''n
>limb ripped me off the
>bike and tossed me down
>the hill almost into the
>canal. The good news is
>my father in laws brand
>new shotgun had cushioned my
>fall. The bad news is
>my nadds got racked.
>
>The conclusion to my long winded
>response is: A mountain bike
>in my eyes is not
>the way to go! This
>type of horse is better
>suited for guys that like
>to wear spandex and eat
>vegetables... Save your nadds and
>get a good pair of
>hiking boots!
>
>
>
>
>who farted?
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Margaret Thatcher: "The trouble with Socialism is, sooner or later you run out of other people's money."
"A Liberal is a person who will give away everything he doesn't own." - Unknown
