Things not to say when pulled over by a cop

[B_F_E]

I can't reach my license unless you hold my beer for me.

Sorry officer I didn't realize my radar detector was unplugged.

Aren't you the guy from the Village people.

Hey, you must of been doing about 125 mph to keep up with me, good job !

Are you Andy or Barney ?

I thought you had to be in relatively good physical condition to be a cop.

Your not gonna check the trunk are you ?

I pay your salary.

Gee officer that's terrific, the last officer gave me a warning too.

Do you know why you pulled me over ? O.K. as long as one of us does.

I was just trying to keep up with the traffic.
Yes, I know there are no other cars around, thats how far ahead of me they are.

when officer says Gee your eyes look red, have you been drinking ?
(probably shouldn't respond) Gee officer your eyes look glazed, have you been eating doughnuts ?

 

[Ridn9high]

I have told a few to some cops before. I got them to laugh too.

cop "Why were you driving so fast? Are you in a hurry?
me " I was trying to catch that group of cars in front of me to tell them to slow down."

That got a laugh and out of a ticket




I was at the Gym working out and always try to park in one particular spot. It is right in front but is not a marked parking spot. There seems to be a vehicle there most of the time, so I didn't think much of it. I was bench pressing when my buddy said "there is a cop by your truck". I got off the bench and walked outside.

me "Can I help you officer"
cop "this your truck"
me "I'm standing next to it ain't I? What you writing me up for?"
cop "you are parked in a no parking zone"
me " there isn't a posted sign or painted curb"
cop "your suppose to know where you can park"
me "Everyone else parks here"
cop "if everyone else jumped off a bridge would you?"
me "how high is the bridge?

The officer sat there for a minute, then busted in laughter.
cop "good one, good one! Because you caught me off guard on that last comment I'm gonna let you slid. Just don't park here anymore"
me " thanks you! Have a good day."