How to do a back ground check

[whtelk]

I need some help. My 21 year old daughter is in trouble again. Never seems to stop. She called from jail and needs $2500. to post bail. Sorry but tough love, wont do it. Told her last time sleep tight. I have 3 kids and would have to do this with all 3.
This daughter is in jail for failure to appear, driving while suspended. She has been caught so many times I cant keep track.
Told us that she needs to get out or will lose her job. I called where she said she has been working for months and was told she hasn't worked there in months. Ok then.
How can I get her record? I want to see what kind of trouble she has been in that we know nothing about. She lives 40 miles from us but seems like a million.
Desperate Dad.... :-(

 

[RELH]

Sometimes a private investigator can get it for you. You may be able to get it yourself if your state considers arrest records as public records. Go down to your local police or sheriff dept. explain what you are trying to do and they will tell you if they can or can not help you.
I hate to say this, but you probably suspect it anyway, it does seem that your daughter may have a drug problem. If that is the case, the first people they deceive or steal from is family. They feel that family will not turn them in to law enforcement.
If that is the case, any help at this stage will only help them to continue with their drug problem. You have not seen tough love yet until you slam the door in her face and tell her she is not welcome until she cleans up her act. She will have to make the decision to change her lifestyle, not you or anyone else. Only when she decides that she does not like the present lifestyle, does she have any chance of kicking the drug habit.
The hard part will be convincing your wife to shut the door on her, mothers have a tendency to be a little more soft harded towards their children. The bottom line, your daughter has already been disloyal to the family unit by lying to you, she must be made aware that is not acceptable and she was the one that broke the family ties.

RELH

 

[gb22]

I have no real help, just a little sympathy from having had a coule of daughters take left turns, as well. With the BS we got from the school guidance counselor (who actually distracted my wife so the 15-year-old could wait for her 22-year-old boyfriend so they could run away together {AFTER robbing a bank}) and the entire educational system (Reno, NV) about respecting her privacy, I doubt there is any way you can legally obtain the info. IF you have a friend on the police dep't. or in the prosecutor's office, who is willing to provide a little "extra" info., I'll bet that is your only real hope.

Honest...GOOD LUCK!

 

[whtelk]

Thanks guys
Been a really tough go with this one but there is all ways hope to the very last breath that a person takes. Since she was in 8th grade it has been booze, lying, stealing, and running away. Our family has all ways been a tight family but for some reson she just has loved the wild side.
We have even taken her to counseling,,,big joke,,,tried to let her live with Grandpa and Grandma...lasted about 2 weeks.
Drugs might be involved, in fact it is hard to admitt but pretty sure of it.
So very hard on us. she is only 21. Looks 31. seems like she is still my little duck hunting bud that I have so dearly loved.
Hope she can forgive us for not bailing her out.

 

[338RUM]

LAST EDITED ON Apr-09-08 AT 08:02PM (MST)[p]send me a PM, I can help...

 

[Chef]

I am hopig for the best for you and your wife.
I sure hope she comes around sooner than later.
Tough love is where it's at.

 

[Shummy]

She's a legal adult. If you're not going to help her, why go messing with her business, you will probably find something you wish you hadn't.

 

[whtelk]

Because she is my daughter and I love her. Messing with her business? she is family I dont care if she is 21 or 51 I will all ways worry about every one of my kids. This means knowing what kind of trouble she is really in and what it really will take to help her. Do you have children? If you do then I hope you are involved with every thing in their lives. If not with your attitude, DON'T!

 

[Shummy]

I do have two kids and a sister in prison for her second stint on drug charges. If you want to do a background check just to snoop then that's being rediculous. In your earlier post you mentioned that you weren't going to help her any more, but now you write that you want to see what it would take to really help her, which is a legitimate reason for checking to her background, I guess. But if she really doesn't want help, you knowing what she's been up to won't really matter. There are a lot of things my sister has done that she was never caught for and therefore are not on her permanent record, I suspect you'll find that to be the case with your daughter as well. Either way, good luck.

 

[drannan]

Whtelk, Shummy's not being real sensitive, but he's right. You cannot be faulted for loving her and caring about her and wanting to help. I've told SO many familys to NOT continue to help their kids at the point your at......You will be the one to get screwed! It's SO sad but RELH is also 99.99999999% right about the dope.....You are afraid to admit it and rightfully so. It's really scary, and even more sad to refuse to help them, but the dope does not allow them to accept your help, then help themselves.

Dope causes people to victimize their familys first, second, and last.....it never ends until you end it. If people get up on their own, and turn their lives around, by all means accept them back! Until then don't be their cruth, they WILL ruin their own life, don't let them ruin yours too. So hard to say about someones child....Sorry man, I feel for you.

 

[drannan]

You can usually go down to your State Police or County Sheriff's office and pay $10.00 bucks to get a background check done on anyone, employers do it all the time......I wouln't however. Like Shummy said you will not like what you may find, and should she get her life straitened out, you may enjoy her a lot more not knowing some of the mistakes she has made....

 

[264winmag]

Don't know where you are from because youe profile is blocked but in NM it is as simple as nmcourts.com. Can get the public records for anyone right on your computer. Other states may have the same service.
Feel for you bud.


Take a kid hunting. You will enjoy it more than they do!

 

[B_F_E]

Cops can look that up on their laptop inside there cruiser.

 

[Shummy]

It's not that I'm being insensitve, it's that I being truthfull. Either you're going to help or you're not, you can't have it both ways, and peoples responces are going to be in accordance with your stand. If you're not going to help, then looking into someones past will only bring about heartache, there is no other way to look at it. Even if she cleans up she is still going to resent you when she finds out. When she goes before the Judge it will become painfully clear what she has been up to. Be at the court house when she goes before the Judge and you will get all the information you really want, and in the end if it all works out you won't have the bad juju of the background check hanging over your heads.

 

[whtelk]

Shummy
You are 100% right that I may not like what I find out...a prob. so
BUT I need to know what I am up against. It isn't that I am not willing to help because this is exactly what I am trying to do.
I know what problems she has been into before this and have tried of ways to help her.
insensitive? I don't think so...honest? yea may be. If your kids were to get into this kind of trouble what would you HONESTLY do? as a father you should all ways be there. But bailing her butt out of jail would be wrong. Better she gets a real wake up.
Thanks and if I came across kind of growtchy it is just because I love all three of my kids and will lay my life down for any one of them.