H
HoundDawg
Guest
Me and the little missus has been talkin' about life insurance lately and today was the day I was fixin' to pull the trigger.
Ever since I tied in with Ed, Kevin and CB my wife keeps bringing up the subject of life insurance. I had to get a new policy since my old one got cancelled after that "incident" in ShipRock, NM with those three gals that Ed picked up. I guess the medical bills and treatments is what got me cancelled.
Anyhoo, my agent calls me and says he'll meet me to fill out an app. I told the 'ol ball 'n chain, "I'll be back sweetie pie, Dawg's goin' to get hisself some life insurance. Be back in 20."
Met the agent down at the Trails End cafe, exchanged some pleasantries and dove right into the application. I'm workin' on a piece of cherry pie while he's a firin' questions at me.
I ain't kiddin' boys, I was acin' this test bigtime!! Ain't done so good on a test since the mental competancy deal the court made me do to see if I was fit to stand trial.
So I'm flyin' along and the wife is just countin' the money cuz I got this baby in the bag... and then the roof caved in. He starts throwin' out questions that no houndsmen on the planet is gonna answer!! I was setup, I was framed, I was robbed, cheated and humiliated!!!
I ain't kiddin' boys, try these questions on for size....
1) Have you ever been convicted of a felony?
2) Have you ever been treated for alcoholism or has a doctor ever recommended you quit drinking?
3) Have you ever been treated for a social disease or tested HIV positive?
4) Have you ever had your drivers license revoked?
5) Have you ever been treated for or diagnosed with a mental illness?
6) Do you drink alcohol or use tobacco in any form?
7) In the past 5 years have you had multiple sexual partners?
8) Is there a history of mental illness in your family?
9) Do you mountain climb or rodeo? I shityounot, this was a real question!!! I had to think long and hard about that one after packing those 3 elk off the mountain in the dark this past fall. What do they mean exactly by "rodeo"...??
Then if that wasn't enough, he started throwing out all this jargon and BS at me... I'm not sure what language he was talkin' but it damn sure wasn't english.
He keeps askin' about "assets and liquid assets"... and "net worth and savings or retirement"... What the hell does any of that stuff have to do with catchin' lions or bears? Tell me that!!
It ain't lookin' good. He told me generally the underwriters prefer to see at least a 20% pass rate on the questions, but that 16% wasn't bad for a guy that feeds a pack of dogs year round.
I guess I can sleep easy at night knowin' that I might not have life insurance, but if y'all got the same questions asked none of you toothless inbreds will have life insurance neither!!!
Which reminds me... any of you boys know if poachin' is a felony? Say they catch me shootin' a few of those sheep on Timp, just for camp meat mind you... is that considered a felony?
Cuz I really don't want #4... the trifecta is plenty for me.
Kev, CB, Ed... go easy on me boys. I'm what they call "Uninsurable" or somethin' like that...
-Junkyard Mutt "Puttin' the un..able in Uninsurable"
Ever since I tied in with Ed, Kevin and CB my wife keeps bringing up the subject of life insurance. I had to get a new policy since my old one got cancelled after that "incident" in ShipRock, NM with those three gals that Ed picked up. I guess the medical bills and treatments is what got me cancelled.
Anyhoo, my agent calls me and says he'll meet me to fill out an app. I told the 'ol ball 'n chain, "I'll be back sweetie pie, Dawg's goin' to get hisself some life insurance. Be back in 20."
Met the agent down at the Trails End cafe, exchanged some pleasantries and dove right into the application. I'm workin' on a piece of cherry pie while he's a firin' questions at me.
I ain't kiddin' boys, I was acin' this test bigtime!! Ain't done so good on a test since the mental competancy deal the court made me do to see if I was fit to stand trial.
So I'm flyin' along and the wife is just countin' the money cuz I got this baby in the bag... and then the roof caved in. He starts throwin' out questions that no houndsmen on the planet is gonna answer!! I was setup, I was framed, I was robbed, cheated and humiliated!!!
I ain't kiddin' boys, try these questions on for size....
1) Have you ever been convicted of a felony?
2) Have you ever been treated for alcoholism or has a doctor ever recommended you quit drinking?
3) Have you ever been treated for a social disease or tested HIV positive?
4) Have you ever had your drivers license revoked?
5) Have you ever been treated for or diagnosed with a mental illness?
6) Do you drink alcohol or use tobacco in any form?
7) In the past 5 years have you had multiple sexual partners?
8) Is there a history of mental illness in your family?
9) Do you mountain climb or rodeo? I shityounot, this was a real question!!! I had to think long and hard about that one after packing those 3 elk off the mountain in the dark this past fall. What do they mean exactly by "rodeo"...??
Then if that wasn't enough, he started throwing out all this jargon and BS at me... I'm not sure what language he was talkin' but it damn sure wasn't english.
He keeps askin' about "assets and liquid assets"... and "net worth and savings or retirement"... What the hell does any of that stuff have to do with catchin' lions or bears? Tell me that!!
It ain't lookin' good. He told me generally the underwriters prefer to see at least a 20% pass rate on the questions, but that 16% wasn't bad for a guy that feeds a pack of dogs year round.
I guess I can sleep easy at night knowin' that I might not have life insurance, but if y'all got the same questions asked none of you toothless inbreds will have life insurance neither!!!
Which reminds me... any of you boys know if poachin' is a felony? Say they catch me shootin' a few of those sheep on Timp, just for camp meat mind you... is that considered a felony?
Cuz I really don't want #4... the trifecta is plenty for me.
Kev, CB, Ed... go easy on me boys. I'm what they call "Uninsurable" or somethin' like that...
-Junkyard Mutt "Puttin' the un..able in Uninsurable"