Kids are so literal

[TripleK]

Too much political stuff so I'm posting something else.

My 8 year old son is always listening in on conversations around our house. The other night I was telling my husband about my friend who was going out to Salt Lake to have a boob job done yesterday. I said to him, "Yep...T's going out to Salt Lake tomorrow to deliver the new twins. He's pretty excited. I guess they're going to be pretty good size."

So, fast forward to yesterday afternoon. My 8 year old comes in and asks to go over to his friend's house (boob job's son). He said, "Mom, can I go over to W's house today? I want to see his new baby twins."

ROFL Not now, not ever son. Those are two twins you'll never get to see. Maybe someone else's someday after you're married.... lol

Then, my 5 year old daughter told my mother she never wanted to go to Disneyworld or Disneyland EVER. My mom asked her why and she said, "Well, is it really a place where your dreams come true? Because if it is, I don't to go there because I've been having some really bad dreams lately." LOL Oh, that's why mommy WANTS to go there, honey...don't you know? Mommy's been having some REALLY GOOD dreams lately..... ;-)

My 3 year old is pretty cute too. The other day my 8 year old put a movie on for him in the 5 year old's bedroom and I could hear him in there talking about "peed her pants" and I was wondering just what the heck kind of movie he was watching. Upon investigation I find he's watching "Peter Pan". LOL He was calling it "Peter Pants" and all I heard was 'peed her pants'. LOL

Now let's hear some more funny "Things your kids say stories"

 

[DallanC]

My boy then 4 would sometimes mix up T's and K's... one day over at his pre-school teachers house he told her she had nice "Titties", she told my wife she was taken back but said "well thank you". Later she realized my boy was trying to say she had nice "kitties". LOL


-DallanC

 

[TripleK]

Another one of my favorite kid stories is about Roy's daughter. She was 4 when this happened. She had gotten a helium balloon from the restaurant they had eaten at and her mom did not want her to take that balloon home or in the van with them so, amidst many tears, she made her release the balloon and told her to make a wish as she did so. Then she said, "Ok Bailey....what did you wish for?" and Bailey bursts into tears and said "I wish I had a ballooooooon!!!".

Hee hee hee....funny.

 

[AHT]

This is good topic, as it's very true.
A couple of years ago my family took a camping trip. At this time my daughter was 4 and my niece was 2. One morning my daughter kept asking what my niece was saying, as she couldn't understand her. My sister turns to my daughter and say's "Nobody knows what she's saying because she speaks Chinese." We all had a little chuckle over it and didn't think much about it. Later that afternoon we noticed a little boy about the same age as my daughter in the next campsite and he was pretty interested with all the kids in our camp. Pretty soon the kids noticed him too and started talking to him. Before we know it, this little boy is over at our camp playing with our kids. Someone asks the kids who their new friend is. Leave it up to my daughter, she brings him over by the hand and starts introducing him to everyone. She goes through everyone, "this is my dad, this my mom, this is my aunt...etc" She gets to her 2 year old cousin and says straight faced as can be, "this my cousin Ann, She speaks Chinese."

 

[TFinalshot]

LAST EDITED ON Mar-13-07 AT 01:35PM (MST)[p]These are great.

Here's one from my 4 year old daughter.

On the way home from school (she is finishing kindergarten) the other day she said, "dad, when I grow up I want to do what you do." I thought to myself ah, that's so sweet. I then thanked her and asked her, "what does dad do?"

Her reply, "nothing."

I could not believe it. She thinks because I love my work so much and I work from home that I do nothing!!!

 

[tylercreek2]

remember when you got new tennis shoes? how you could run faster , jump higher, ect ect ,,,, well we just got our youngest daughter new shoes and she blazing around all over the house, dad time me,,, see how fast my new shoes are ect ect ,,,, see how high i can jump, i just LOVEEEEEE my new shoes,,, she' going to be 7 in a couple of weeks,,, anyway sat morning we hear her door open and out she comes in her thermal mickey mouse jammies,,, straight from her bedroom mind you,,, and she ALREADY had on her shoes,,, mom like to died,,, and says OMG AUDREY you didnt wear your shoes to BED did you????????? shes says no i just put them on,,,, wondered why we were laughing so hard we could just see her wearing them to bed lol

 

[NVBighorn]

My sister's daughter was in elementary school, maybe 6 or 7. Her family does not go to a specific church but rather has their own beliefs and pretty much teaches their kids and practices their own way (me too for that matter). Anyway, when my niece started bringing home her little friends some of them did go to church and one of them asked her if she wanted to go to the Catholic church with her family. My niece was interested and her mom and dad let her go. She went to church for a few months off and on with this little girl until, as girls often do, they drifted apart and she found a new friend. The new friend was a Baptist of some sort or another and of course asked my niece if she wanted to go to church with her family. My sister agreed no problem. So one day her grandmother is talking to my niece and the subject of church came up. Now keep in mind her grandmother was a pretty staunch Catholic. So my niece says "I go to church gramma". Her grandmother says "Oh how nice, and what religion are you sweety?". Without missing a beat my niece says "Well I used to be a Catholic but now I'm a Christian". We had a pretty good laugh about that.

Out of the mouthes of babes.

 

[NVBighorn]

When my daughter was little any time someone was in the shower we were always telling her not to flush the toilet because the person in the shower might get burned. We had pretty low water pressure and if you flushed it robbed the cold water from the shower and there was nothing but hot water and it might scald you. Well, as kids do, she took the warning very literally. One day we heard her screaming at her little brother for flushing the toilet while she was in the tub. She was in tears and terrified. To this day (20 some years) she swears we told her that if you flushed while someone was in the shower/tub flames would shoot out of the toilet and burn everyone to death.

 

[eelgrass]

Cute stories everyone!

Our daughter lives about 8 hours away (by car) but comes home as often as she can. Everytime she came home she told her first born they were going to Eureka. Well he finally got old enough to understand some and talk pretty good too. One time she drove into town and told her son "Wake up, we're in Eureka!" He said "Is this really MY Reka?" He thought she was saying "Your" Reka!

So, to this day it's HIS Reka! LOL!

Eel

 

[turdherder]

When my son was learning how to talk, we would get him to say frog but it sounded more like buck with an f in the front. Another one was Ice cream that one pretty much sound like As* cream, that one made me laugh the most. But the best one is my nephew who was 3 at the time. My brother in law was sitting up front on the stand and my sister in law had the kids a couple of rows back. They had just started to say the opening prayer, so it was deathly silent, and my nephew blurts out "mommy draw me a penis", she was mortified, and all my brother in law could do was sit there and chuckle. That'll teach them to tell their little kids the right names for body parts.

 

[caelkhnter]

Subject: Mom, what is butt dust?
>
> What, you ask, is "Butt dust?" Read on and you'll discover the joy in
>it! These have to be original and genuine. No adult is this creative!!
>
> JACK (age 3) was watching his Mom breast-feeding his new baby sister.
>After a while he asked: "Mom, why have you got two? Is one for hot and one
>for cold milk?"
>
> MELANIE (age 5) asked her Granny how old she was. Granny replied she was
>so old she didn't remember any more. Melanie said, "If you don't remember
>you hafta look in the back of your panties. Mine say five to six."
>
> STEVEN (age 3) hugged and kissed his Mom good night. "I love you so much
>that when you die I'm going to bury you outside my bedroom window."
>
> BRITTANY (age 4) had an earache and wanted a pain killer. She tried in
>vain to take the lid off the bottle. Seeing her frustration, her mom
>explained it was a child-proof cap and she'd have to open it for her. Eyes
>wide with wonder, the little girl asked: "How does it know it's me?"
>
> SUSAN (age 4) was drinking juice when she got the hiccups. "Please
>don't give me this juice again," she said, "It makes my teeth cough."
>
> DJ (age 4) stepped onto the bathroom scale and asked: "How much do I
>cost?"
>
> MARC (age 4) was engrossed in a young couple that were hugging and
>kissing in a restaurant. Without taking his eyes off them, he asked his
>dad: "Why is he whispering in her mouth?"
>
> CLINTON (age 5) was in his bedroom looking worried. When his Mom asked
>what was troubling him, he replied, "I don't know what'll happen with this
>bed when I get married. How will my wife fit in?"
>
> JAMES (age 4) was listening to a Bible story. His dad read: "The man
>named Lot was warned to take his wife and flee out of the city but his wife
>looked back and was turned to salt." Concerned, James asked: "What happened
>to the flea?"
>
> TAMMY (age 4) was with her mother when they met an elderly, rather
>wrinkled woman her Mom knew. Tammy looked at her for a while and then
>asked, "Why doesn't your skin fit your face?"
>
> I think this Mom will never forget.... this particular Sunday sermon...
>"Dear Lord," the minister began, with arms extended toward heaven and a
>rapturous look on his upturned face. "Without you, we are but dust." He
>would have continued but at that moment my very obedient daughter who was
>listening leaned over to me and asked quite audibly in her shrill little
>girl voice, "Mom, what is butt dust?"
>

 

[Alchase]

While my wife was in the hospital last year, she was put in a room with an elderly lady that was very horizontally challenged (PC way of saying extremely obese), this lady had a very bad temper and would throw things to get the attention of the nurses. One afternoon my two boys (10 and 15 at the time) and I were visiting my wife, and we had to walk past this lady to get to my wife's bed. Well really large people should not wear hospital gowns, this lady was air drying herself wide open and did not realize how exposed she was. My boys saw this and their eyes got really big, but they were good and did not say anything to my amazement. I slid the curtain partially closed to block the few. They were trying really hard not to bust up laughing. A couple minutes later the lady starts throwing bed pans and ice buckets out the door to get the nurses attention. As the nurse comes in asking what is wrong she yells "you guys have left me hear to die with *&^% all over my butt and I itch, I need a you to come clean me up!" Again my sons held their tongues. Now I am thinking at this point they are doing pretty good about now. Well the nurse comes in and starts to lean the lady up with a sponge bath. After that the nurse takes a bottle of baby powder and starts sprinkling it all around the lady's lower half. Now keep in mind we can't see this but we can here everything with only a curtain between us. As the nurse is applying the powder the lady lets loose with one of the loudest farts I have ever heard, and all we see is this humongous cloud of baby powder envelope the room. The nurse lets out on "Oh Dear" and steps back where we can now see her face is completely covered with baby power. Every one knows that to boys farts are the funniest thing in the world. I turned and looked at my sons and they were trying really hard not to say anything. Then my 10 year old Alex blurts out "Dad you are right, old people really do fart dust!" The nurses outside the room were loosing it. My wife gives me the "I can't believe you look" Then I could not hold it any longer and started laughing hysterically. I thought my wife was die of embarrassment.
Even my wife now concedes that farts are funny, sometimes.

Our six year old nephew was at our house a couple years ago when my oldest lets a fart rip. Not to be out done my youngest also lets one rip (this kid can fart on demand I swear) my wife tells the boys how gross that is and to not do it in public, our nephew looks at my wife and asks her with a lisp "Auntie Dona, don't you ever fot?" My wife quick as ever says with a straight face "No Jordan after my last baby they sewed my fart duct shut so I do not fart anymore". One of the boys apparently then tells him that if you do not fart you will eventually explode. Jump ahead to Christmas, Jordan comes running up to my wife to introduce her to a family friend, he takes her by the hand and walks her to where this elderly blind lady is sitting and proceeds to introduce her, "May, dith ith my auntie Dona, thee can't fot hew fot duck is all clothed up," he turns to my wife almost crying "Auntie Dona, I don't want you to athplode can you fix yow fot duck please?"
As you can imagine we all lost it.

There are only two types of people - The Hunters and the hunted,
I hunt.
Alchase