caelkhnter
Very Active Member
- Messages
- 1,526
I am sure you may have seen some of these before. Some were new to me. Some are pretty good:
I used to eat a lot of natural foods until I learned that most people
> die
of
> natural causes.
>
>
> ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
> Gardening Rule: When weeding, the best way to make sure you are
> removing a weed and not a valuable plant is to pull on it. If it comes
> out of the ground easily, it is a valuable plant.
> ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
> The easiest way to find something lost around the house is to buy a
> replacement. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
> Never take life seriously. Nobody gets out alive anyway.
> ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
> There are two kinds of pedestrians: the quick and the dead.
> ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
> Life is sexually transmitted.
> ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
> An unbreakable toy is useful for breaking other toys.
> ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
> If quitters never win, and winners never quit, then who is the fool who
> said, "Quit while you're ahead?"
> ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
> Health is merely the slowest possible rate at which one can die.
> ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
> The only difference between a rut and a grave is the depth.
> ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
> Give a person a fish and you feed them for a day; teach that person to use
> the Internet and they won't bother you for weeks.
> ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
> Some people are like Slinkies . . . not really good for anything, but you
> still can't help but smile when you see one tumble down the stairs.
> ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
> Health nuts are going to feel stupid someday, lying in hospitals dying of
> nothing.
> ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
> Have you noticed since everyone has a camcorder these days no one talks
> about seeing UFOs like they used to?
> ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
> Whenever I feel blue, I start breathing again.
> ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
> All of us could take a lesson from the weather. It pays no attention to
> criticism.
> ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
> Why does a slight tax increase cost you two hundred dollars and a
> substantial tax cut saves you thirty cents?
> ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
> In the 60's, people took acid to make the world weird. Now the world is
> weird and people take Prozac to make it normal.
> ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
> Politics is supposed to be the second oldest profession. I have come to
> realize that it bears a very close resemblance to the first.
> ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
> How is it one careless match can start a forest fire, but it takes a whole
> box to start a campfire?
> ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
> AND THE # 1 THOUGHT FOR THE DAY: You read about all these terrorists ---
> most of them came here legally, but they hung around on these expired
visas,
> some for as long as 10 -15 years. Now, compare that to Blockbuster;
> you
are
> two days late with a video and those people are all over you. Let's
> put Blockbuster in charge of immigration
>
>
>
I used to eat a lot of natural foods until I learned that most people
> die
of
> natural causes.
>
>
> ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
> Gardening Rule: When weeding, the best way to make sure you are
> removing a weed and not a valuable plant is to pull on it. If it comes
> out of the ground easily, it is a valuable plant.
> ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
> The easiest way to find something lost around the house is to buy a
> replacement. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
> Never take life seriously. Nobody gets out alive anyway.
> ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
> There are two kinds of pedestrians: the quick and the dead.
> ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
> Life is sexually transmitted.
> ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
> An unbreakable toy is useful for breaking other toys.
> ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
> If quitters never win, and winners never quit, then who is the fool who
> said, "Quit while you're ahead?"
> ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
> Health is merely the slowest possible rate at which one can die.
> ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
> The only difference between a rut and a grave is the depth.
> ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
> Give a person a fish and you feed them for a day; teach that person to use
> the Internet and they won't bother you for weeks.
> ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
> Some people are like Slinkies . . . not really good for anything, but you
> still can't help but smile when you see one tumble down the stairs.
> ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
> Health nuts are going to feel stupid someday, lying in hospitals dying of
> nothing.
> ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
> Have you noticed since everyone has a camcorder these days no one talks
> about seeing UFOs like they used to?
> ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
> Whenever I feel blue, I start breathing again.
> ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
> All of us could take a lesson from the weather. It pays no attention to
> criticism.
> ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
> Why does a slight tax increase cost you two hundred dollars and a
> substantial tax cut saves you thirty cents?
> ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
> In the 60's, people took acid to make the world weird. Now the world is
> weird and people take Prozac to make it normal.
> ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
> Politics is supposed to be the second oldest profession. I have come to
> realize that it bears a very close resemblance to the first.
> ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
> How is it one careless match can start a forest fire, but it takes a whole
> box to start a campfire?
> ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
> AND THE # 1 THOUGHT FOR THE DAY: You read about all these terrorists ---
> most of them came here legally, but they hung around on these expired
visas,
> some for as long as 10 -15 years. Now, compare that to Blockbuster;
> you
are
> two days late with a video and those people are all over you. Let's
> put Blockbuster in charge of immigration
>
>
>
