Wife?s cheating, hunting helps a little.

M

MartinHunter

Guest
I don't know if this is an issue that people care to discuses on MM, but what just happened to me makes little problems like not drawing a tag, or laws and regulations changing seem minuet.
Here it goes. I told my wife I was going to my parents to talk to me dad before work, and then go strait to work. I called her from my parents to talk, and I thought that I heard someone whispering in the background. I had time to go home before work, so I left immediately, hoping for the best but preparing for the worst.
I pulled up to my apartment, and another vehicle was parked outside, so I drove around and parked in the lot not visible from the window. I got out of the car, walked to the door, went through, and know one was in the living room. I walked down the hallway, and my heart sank because my wife and my bedroom door was closed.
I through open the door, and found my wife, of just recently two years, on the floor with some other guy. My kid was there, so nothing major was going on, but to me holding another guys hand on the floor of yours and your husbands bedroom is cheating.
I wanted to beat that guy down in the worst way, but for the first time ever, I controlled my temper in front of my kid. I just broke down and cried, went to my car, and came to work. Now I am here thinking the only thing good in this world is my son and hunting. The worst thing is when I get off tonight I have know place to go.
Has anybody had a similar experience, or divorce, that may be able to help me get over this without doing something drastic? Any advice would help. Thanks

Michael
 
tough situation, mh, i wish you the best of luck, as i'm sure we all here do...
 
Oh man i am so sorry about that. That is my worst nightmare come true. I cannot pretend to know the heartache your going thru right now. All i can say is how deaply sorry i am over your situation and if you need to vent, feel free to drop me a line. [email protected]

Again i am so sorry bud.
 
Thanks guys, I don't really have anyone to talk to so just having people that have something in common with listen to what is going on helps. Again, thanks.
Michael
 
Well buddy I know exactly what you are going through, I have been there and felt it. I just about blew a guy away 2 years ago in my wifes blazer. I was on my way elk hunting. Things took a different turn that morning. Thats all i am going to say. Women are that way. I say piss on em all. I have had two wifes and both have cheated on me. So in my eyes I trust no women. I just hope the guysdie a slow and verrry pain agonizing death. Hell for that matter I hope the women have a chitty life to. For some gawd awful reason I am still marrid to the 2nd one but things have turned for the better, As far as I can tell. I still no longer trust her but I do love her. Some think I am damn crazy but see where I am comming from. If i ever catch her again it is going to be damn ugly that is all I can say. I wish you the best of luck and they say alot of marriges go through this and survive only to be stronger, If you can handle it do it. Divorce is the shits and thats that. I feel for you man I honestly do.




elk_img_01.gif
 
MICHAEL

THATS A SITUATION I DON'T WANT TO BE IN,AND I'M SURE YOU DON'T EITHER!!!

DOESN'T EVEN SOUND LIKE YOU WERE OUT THE DOOR BEFORE THAT LOWLIFE WAS ON THE WAY IN!!!

I'M A POOR DIVORCE DR. BUT AS MAD AS YOU'D BE AT HIM YOU'D HAVE TO BE THAT MUCH MORE MADDER AT HER!!!

ON A DAY LIKE THAT THERES GOT TO BE ALOT OF TRUST LOST!!!

GOOD LUCK,I HOPE THINGS WORK OUT FOR YOU!!!

THE ONLY bobcat NOT EVEN WANTING TO HAVE A DAY LIKE THAT!!!
 
I went through that same thing about four years ago. It was hard at first, mostly hurt the ego, but I got divorced and got over it, turns ut it was a blessing in disguise, got a good wife now. All she wants me to do is fill the freezer. So keep your head up man, you'll look back in a whole and tell her thanks.
 
Yea, he must have showed up in less then 10 minutes after I left, what a basterd. How could a guy want a girl like that anyways, one that cheats on her husband? She tells me it may work later, bur for now she came up with this "plan" that I only agreed to because somewhere in my heart I think she might still love me. The "plan" is this: we live together in the apartment that I pay for, my son and wife have there bedroom and I have mine, she is intitteld to do whatever she wants including, bringing guys home, going to there houses......pretty much just chitting on my heart in front of me while I pay the bills. She says she needs her freedom, we are only 19 (married at 17), but I think that is her just saying she wants to eb a kid while I be the adult. I don't know, I guess a lot of people go through it, but not many 19 year olds can say the have a kid and have been married and divourced. I bet that will het me a lot of other girls, lol.
Thanks again for the help.


Michael
 
Talk to her and find out the whole story. The fact that she was there with your kid is strange, and probably not good because it should have made her feel guilty as a bad mom. did you see anything coming? Any warning signs?
Women are all dumber that a rock and mostly worthless in my book when it comes to having a brain. You need to suck it up and call and ask what the Fuc# is the deal. If she is the cheater kick her out, you shouldnt have to leave, she is the one that made that call. Go claim your house and tell her to stay with the dude, if she says she cant them find out his name and tell his WIFE whats going on. my opinion only.
 
Michael dang I can not answer why your wife did what she did, but just know that not ALL women are like that! My hubby and I have two kids almost teenagers, been together 16 years, and we are still very much in love with one another! He started hunting (he used to years ago),I watched him for a few years and then I really started to get interested in his passion of the sport, and from then on we are great hunting partners together! We also hunt as a family, and all share the same passions! He said to me the other day what did I do to you, I turned you into a hunting monster!
Anyways, I am sorry for what you are going through, thats really sad , and to bad on her part. What ever you decide make decisions that you know you can live with and accept! I have heard many different opinions on this subject, dont think anyone can really tell you what to do. You have to do what your heart tells you to do and that is that! Forgiveness is always their, if the true love is their, and it needs to be between both of you!
Just my two cents worth!
JstMe
 
This guy has no wife, he is like 17, I guess that what I get when I married so young. I think a lot of this helps me, but I can not just leave her or kick her out. Its like I fought the odds and won and now I am going to be just another statistc, so I have to try. I realize its pointless if there is nothing in her heart for me, but I have nothing else I want right now then just to make things normal. Thats why I am just going to suck it up and let her free for awhile, I dont want to but I bet she would chit if I brought another girl home, (trying to lol.)
Thanks
MIchael
 
I hope your not seriously going through with that "plan". You tell her that plan sucks. Then you tell her about your plan, if she wants to see other dudes then she moves out and you will divorce her Adultry commiting a$$ and take sole custody of your child because Adultry is illeagle and Judges don't like cheaters.

Good luck.

Dr. Shotgunjim
 
19? Hell your just a pup! cut her loose and take my word in 6 months you will forget you even was with her. Want some advice? don't do nothin crazy like get a DV order against you. play it cool and when the divy comes slam it to her, she will lose custody for chiping around on you and you won't have to pay child support and then take some time off enjoy your kid and then look for a gal that fits more your style. It's a cruel world, better now than later if it had to happen, bout the time you thing you got a woman figured out she goes 180 on ya the other way, there's alot of good ones out there and if it truely does go sour,keep your head cause silence just kills them and remember that it can be turned on you also, a good lawyer has a way beleive me. I've been to the rodeo man it ain't no fun any way it goes, if it wasn't for that patch of fur between their legs there would be a bounty on their heads so when you get to the end of your rope tie a knot in it and hang on life is one hell of a ride!... Good Luck!
 
The thing is I can not afford a lawyer, as you all can probably imagine I am not the richest person on the block. I also just don't see how I can give up and trust another girl, when I trusted my wife for 3 years, how long do you have to wait before you know its right or wrong? It just seems like the risk of starting over is not worth taking and my chaces of mending what I have started may be a bit better.
Michael
 
LAST EDITED ON Jul-21-04 AT 09:26PM (MST)[p]LAST EDITED ON Jul-21-04 AT 09:23?PM (MST)

Play dumb for a little while. Say you forgive her, etc.. But know this, once a cheater, always a cheater. Once she thinks she has your trust, go hunting for a week, have a good time, kill a monster and the whole while, have your private investigator gathering evidence so you can dump her cheating A$$ like a bad habit, take your kid away, and find yourself a respectable woman to spend the rest of your life with.

If it flies, floats, or f#&kS RENT IT!!

P.S. I've got 2 of those T-shirts
 
Martin,
I would leave or boot her out. If it happens now then it will again. That is the breaks in life. there is always someone out there for you. If you live with her plan then you are the dumb one. Now she knows she has control over you. She will put you threw more hell before you realize its over. Trust me been there done that. I would walk away and never look back. Except for your son. I would go after custody of him. If you dont now then you will regret it later when she finds someone else because now you have a reason to get custody. I would go home take my kid and leave. You have that right as a parent. Then it will be up to her to get him back. Martin I would walk now. Do it before it gets to late. I went threw all the things in my first marriage and it was 5 long yrs of living hell. Always worried where she was when I was at work and who she was with. Of course when I called home she was never there. Till I got home. Alot of times she would still be gone way after I got home. I gave up property a house and everything I owned at that time. The only thing I took was all my hunting stuff. So I am not saying to dis all woman because not all are like that. There are some good ones out there. But the marriage I am in she knows one step over the line and I would walk. Its time to suck it up and be a man and leave her where she leaves you feeling. I know its hard but facts are facts. She will do it again. She wants you there for a live in babysitter and for you to pay the bills. If you go for it she will know she has you whipped. Dont submit just go with your child. It will hurt but the pain does go away. Better to hurt for a little while than to be hurt for the duration you are together.
Just my 2 cents worth. I am meaning no disrespect towards you Martin.

fca2e9e9.jpg
 
Michael,

Don't do anything stupid my friend here in Colorado was going through the same problem and he lost control and ended up with a domestic violence restraining order. Now not only did he lose his wife he also lost his hunting rights because of the restraining order. Now he can't hunt or buy a firearm so keep cool. I dont know if the laws are the same in your state but whatever you do be very careful!



horn
 
Sounds like alot of bad experiences out there. Not all women are that way. You are young and have time on your side. Give it a little time. You both need to clear your heads and think. I have a buddy who's wife cheated on him with his cousin, ouch! But that was an ugly end to alot of other bad circumstances. Now they have both worked hard to work it out and are doing great together. However she needs to make a decision soon to stay with you or go her own way. There is no such thing as middle ground like being able to date while living with your spouse. I know it hurts right now and it will for a long time. But staying together isn't always the best choice if your not going to be a loving family for your child. The tension will deeply affect your child in the long run.

The best advice, stay true to your child and yourself.
 
Hornaddiction,
I have alreday done somthing stupid. I held a gun to my head and she called the cops on me, I was not going to do it, I just wanted her to talk to me. The SWAT team and all came, and I was arressted and sent to a mental hospital were the said it was stress related as oppossed to depretion. I was not charged with anything so I can still have a buy guns (the pistol was taken and I can not get it back.)
I know everyon is trying to help buy telling me to leave her, but most do not understand that she and my son are all I have. I bought the things in that house for us, not for me, not for her, and definatly not for hera nd some other guy. If I left I would ahve nothing that means anything to me, because I would be leaving all I have worked and lived for for the past 3 years. Having a kid at 17 is tuff, so what I have built since then as a family means everything. I would be walking away from something I hosetly think I can fix, with time.
Maybe alls she wants is more friends, more freedomn, or to be a teenager for a little while, but I think when time roll around that mean something to both of us she will want me, my son and her to be together for it, like a family. Her family is all fudge up, and i think that I am the only real thing she has had ever, and wants she has fatasy reality will smake her in the face and I will be there to help her and love her, just me her and my son.

Thanks for the help everyone. Any more imput will help and is welcome.

Michael
 
Probably would have shot'er myself.

It took some serious nads to air that story here & as such you obviously have what it take to get through this, good luck man, your already better off than I would have been.
 
Michael:

I don't know if you are a religious man or not, but, when I went through the same situation and had many of the same feelings, I found tremoundous comfort in my church and my pastor. They really pulled me through that tough few months. Try to have faith and know that the good lord never gives us more than we can handle. Be strong for your kid, and take comfort in the fact that you are not alone, the lord is always with you. And so are we.

Take care.
 
Not wanting to disrespectful but you and your mate are just kids. Way too young to be married, and way too young to have babies. My advice would be to cut her loose and get your own place immediately. I did not read who's kid it was but if it's your's jointly he stays with her. Just be separated. It's not to say you could never see each other, but no way would I stay under the same roof with that joke arrangement. It will only end in disaster!

Then......from an experience veteran......I would never get married again. It is a ball and chain that will screw up all your hunting. If you insist, do it after age 30 and ONLY if you make the rules and can deal with her quitting her job (which she will do). You need to be wealthy before marriage & kids. No doubt about that. That's an old world ideal that I am a firm believer in.

My wife left me for one year and it was a blast. I worked when I needed to and hunted whenever I wanted without a second thought! Phenomenal feeling of freedom. Alas, she realized how lucky she was, came back and now it's the same old same old. Gotta sneak out hunting and put up with her bi***ing about the odor of my awesome elk chili. Good luck!

Move out now!
 
hey bud,
I got married when 18. I was so young and there were times I knew that it would have been so much easier to have waited, but things work out differently then you except and that is what is going on in your case.
I am a very strong Christian and if I was to cheat on my husband or vise versa, it would be over in a heart beat. No playing around. You really need to get your kid and yourself out now!
My stepmom cheated on my dad so many times but he didn't leave her, when they finally got divorced it was a huge relief for me and my dad. That is the worst feeling to grow up with that happening, knowing that one or both of your parents are sleeping with other people. Please don't let this keep going on! Don't put yourself or your son through that. There is no reason for you to be with her any more. It's in the bible so if she tries to make you feel bad or pay for her sins, tell her "I rather be the cheated on not the cheater, because the big guy has a place just for her when she's done here on earth"
I will be praying that God will take care of you and your son. Please don't make a big mistake going along with her "plan."

Sincerely,
Janel Rector

let me know if there is anyhting we can do for you and your son:)
e-mail me at
[email protected]
 
Mike, it's good that you are seeking the advise of others for help in working through this situation. I suggest you discuss this situation with someone you have a lot of respect for like a priest, or a former or current teacher. Perhaps even an older friend whom you look up to. Someone like that might be able to help you work through this problem.

Call or write this Dr. I have heard her on the radio and she is always helping out people with problems like yours.

http://www.drlaura.com/faq/
 
You brought up about losing all your stuff? Well it seems like you are into the material stuff. What you have now you can get again. If it takes being really unhappy then to keep your stuff more power to you. You are young and as you get older you will come to understand this.
When did this all happen? Yesterday it seems and you already went home and put a gun to your head. WOW this girl has you all messed up.
Good luck.

fca2e9e9.jpg
 
Michael, been there, done that. It's been 8 years since my divorce. I've raised my kid by myself (he's 9 now) and life's been great. There is life after divorce. I don't know about the "plan", but you have to figure out what's best for you. When I caught my wife cheating, the divorce papers were signed 3 days later, un-contested, and her a$$ was moved out. It was rough for a while, but you just have to find what makes you happy in life (hunting, taxidermy, and my kid for me). I've got a great girlfriend now, and life couldn't be better. Hang in there bud.
 
Second what nmtaxi has to say. My divorce was 7 years ago. Although I never caught her red handed... I knew I couldn't trust her. It's going to be a tough road for a while. Find whatever passion you can to take your mind off of it! Hunting, fishing, whatever it may be. Surround yourself w/ people that you trust. Life will look up in the future. It just takes a while. But you'll get through it!!!
 
Michael,

F!@# that arrangement. I understand that you're hurting? that's my worst nightmare, but that arrangement can only hurt you more. I'm not going to preach to you about being young an all that, what's done is done. But I agree with the guys that have said that if it happens once, it will happen again.

I've been in a similar situation at only two years older than you and this is the best advice that I can give you:

You can have a GREAT relationship with your son DESPITE not being with your wife. In fact, I would argue that my relationship with my son is better because when he was with me, I had to do it all. Change diapers, give baths, feed him, and best of all, enjoy each other all by ourselves. Otherwise, I might've just let mom do all that "mom" stuff.

Second, don't ever for one second feel that because you have a son that you have baggage, and other girls will be turned away. Some might, but they're just not the right ones for you.

Third, lean on your family right now. They're the ones that'll always be there for you. And like someone else said, you can always turn to God, no matter what.

Your son needs his dad, so be smart, and be better than her. But whatever you do, do not agree to that B.S. arrangement she's talking about. Your son is watching everything you do, and absorbing it like a sponge. That's not the "arrangement" I would want my son to grow up under thinking it was normal.

Hang in there. Like I said, I can't imagine how tough it must be, but you'll get through it.

Good luck, God bless,

WH
 
MartinHunter,

I have a story you should hear about i guy i worked with. It ended very badly. 3 years ago Jim was about 24 and his wife was cheating on him. They had a little girl and he loved her so much that he let this heartless woman tromp all over his heart, as you seem to be doing. Jim kept coming to work to pay the bills, but gradually went deeper and deeper into depression while his so-called wife had her fun. One morning at work Jim never showed up. We went to his house to check on him and he had shot himself and left a note about how he could not go on without her.

Jim's mom, dad, and brothers and sister continue to suffer terribly, all because this unfeeling woman wanted to screw. I still see that ##### around town from time to time with a different guy every time, and it did not phase her.

Jim wasted his life and damaged the lives of his daughter, mom, and dad all for a woman that he could not see was not worth it. From what you've said, your wife seems to have no remorse at all for what she did, which makes me think she is very bad news in the way that Jim's wife was.

Ive never been through anything like youve described. ive been married 7 years to a wife i trust absolutely. we have a kid and i would never let them be raised by a woman who does what your wife has.

Open your eyes and think clearly. Now is your chance to make a very important decision, make the right one. Think about your daughter and your family, and dont anything stupid and selfish because some young selfish girl hurt you.
 
Do you have any family close by? Get the boy and go there. Thats what family is for. I think the plan is flawed. Leave her and start over, you are so young. Don't wallo in the pain, make a plan of exit and go!
 
MH,
I'm sure you love your wife as that would be hard for me as well. But the minute she explained her plan to me like your wifes' plan, basically supporting her while she can bring other dudes home or go to their house. NO WAY! Don't let her do that, just get custody of your boy and kick her out if she wants to just screw around. I know a guy here like that and he lets his wife do that, it tears him up.
If you just get rid of her now because obviously she doesn't want to make your marriage work running around you will be MUCH better off in the future. I know it is hard and you can't just get rid of someone like that when you love them but just remember this, there are other women out there and alot of them are better than that. Good luck dude!
 
Wow i thought someone posted my story from 11 years ago while reading this. I too told my wife I was going to my parents... got suspicous and came home early only to be greeted by a naked guy running out of my appartment door dropping and picking up his pants as he ran. Time does have a healing effect though. God has given me a wonderful 2nd wife of 10 years, and just a couple of months ago that guy my ex ended up marring cheated on her (probably not the first time). She has since appologized to me for her actions 11 years ago. We have had an amiable relationship sharing custody of our three kids. Things can and will get better. I did not leave my ex immediatly I tried for reconciliation for months, until I felt released from the marriage in my own heart. Many people wondered why I stayed with her for as long as I did, just know it is a road each individual has to travel their own way. Try to find 2-3 guys that you can share, vent, cry with they will be your true freinds. Please email me if I can share more of my story and it will help.
[email protected]
Good luck,
Marc
 
Thanks again guys for the help. The story went farther when I went back "home" last night after work. It seems that my wife brouaght my son to my parents to watch him while she went ot the movies with this guy. I know because he pulled up in front of the appartment, she jumped out, tried to get away without me seeing her. I went out and confronted her again, and she punched me. The dude left, but her to friends called the cops. I thought they were calling them on her, but turns out they said that I pushed and hit her, BS. I even think the cops think they are lieing, the probably wont take the test so there can be no charges filed. I am at my parents right now with my son, but I have to go get some of our stuff from the apartmentment in a bit. I hope it works out good. Thanksagain.
Michael
 
Michael, First and foremost ask God what to do!!!. If she has comitted adultry LEAVE HER!!. You and your son deserve better. I would never stay with a woman that wants to stray outside our marriage. It won't get any better living seperate lives while married. My fisrt wife cheated on me and I devorced her as fast as I could. Material things are replacable. I promise you that if you take the time to ask God what to do and be patient he will lead you through this tough time....Keith
 
MH,

Sorry to hear about your troubles. I hope everything works out the best for you.

Now, heres what I would do. If you really love her and want to work things out, let her know that its going to be on your terms, not on hers. THis "plan" of hers will never work. It is a plan that will destroy you, her, and any chance you have of being a family. YOu need to tell her that you want to work things out, but there is no way in hell that you are going to go through with her plan. If she wants to stay and work things out the way you want to, great. If she doesnt, then tell her to pack her things and GET TO STEPPIN!!Maybe this other guy will let her stay with him at his parents house! :) Remember....SHE is in the wrong here, not you. Dont let her dictate how the situation will go.....

WHatever you do, keep the kid with you. If not, you'll have an uphill battle trying to get custody of him down the road.

Finally, dont do anything stupid. Dont hurt her, dont her him, and dont hurt yourself. Keep your head up and keep fighting the good fight. You've got support from all of us here on MM. Dont let her and her stupidity get the best of you.

Best of luck,

TUFF
 
I hope that was a wake-up call. If you stay with the "plan" you have this to look forward to for years to come. Get your kid, get rid of this girl, and get on with your life. Once you make the decision, you will feel better about yourself. Keep your self-respect. Prove to yourself and your kid that you're strong enough.
 
Sorry Michael that really sucks! I can only imagine the dilema you're in right now. She has proven to you what kind of person she is and under other circumstances you should walk away even though it wouldn't be easy--problem is, there's a kid in the mix--naturally you love your kid more than your wife, so do what you need to do to ensure that when it all shakes out your kids best interest is kept in mind. By the sound of things, doesn't sound like she's a very fit mother if she's going to be doing things like that in front of your kid. My suggestion is to be smart about it, meaning let her hang herself with her own rope so to speak. Make sure in the next little while you don't lose your temper and get in trouble with the law--it will only make it difficult for you to have a good case when the judge is figuring out who to give custody to. You do not want her to end up getting your kid, your money, and a boyfriend on top of that! Make sure you have your ducks in a row and when the time is right make your move and get out of this situation without losing your ass. Dr. Phil aint got nothing on me!!!!!!!!! Good luck, keep your head up.
 
Mike, go see a lawyer today and gets some guidance on how your going to keep your son. Also send a friend to the house to get whatever you need. Don?t talk to her or see her until things cool down.
 
Hey I was wondering if the police were going to charge your wife with statutory rape or some other such charge if this kid is under 18. Mabybe they are just holding hands so far... yeah right.
Marc
 
All I can say is that every relationship is different, so what works for one won't work for the other. Do what YOU FEEL is right. One thing I do see is if you allow her behavior to continue your child will also learn that mentality and most likley behave the same. DO you want your child to be like her? That is a question you have to serioulsy ask yourself. Most behaviors are learned, remember that in your descicion.

Good luck, and if it makes you feel better the hunting season is right around the corner.
 
Just rember you and your child are your #1 responsibility and the decisions you make now will effect you and him for the rest of your life . Be smart about your decisions and think things out make sure you have a witness when you are near her and document everything ! The pain will go away , all wounds heal and just like taking care of a wound the more you take care of it the faster it will heal . Do not sit back and let it take its course take control .
Hope you are getting the support you need .


Smiley,
Shane Raber
 
CHAT WITH YOUR ATTORNEY,
discuss this with you folks, and hers.
then kick her as# out.
I'm sorry I have been maried for 28 years,
there are hard times, but never time for adultry.
you will always be wondering.
you don't need that.
It sucks but i would tell to hit the bricks.
 
I agree with NMtaxi....I hope that run-in with the cops was a wake up call!! 9 times out of 10 their gonna pop the guy, so don't put yourself in that situation.

Come on man, you gotta do what you gotta do, and I think you know what it is....so JUST DO IT! You seem like a good kid, and this experience will make you an even better man!

Good Luck
MS

PS....maybe I'll hook up with ya when I head down to Douglas Oct. 1 for deer. I'll buy ya a cold boy and we'll talk huntin'.
 
dude if you let her stay and have her boyfriends over it will mess your kid up bad, I would get your kid and find something else. I feel fro ya bro.

Jake Sorensen
 
Michael,

I have been in your shoes, I divorced a cheating,lying spouse. I knew it was going on for a couple of years but I so wanted to raise the "perfect" family but in doing so was causing more harm than good for the kids and my own mental well being. Leaving and getting divorced was the hardest thing I have ever had to do in my life. Thats been five years ago now and I can only say it was the BEST thing that ever happened to me next to having children. Mike, I live here in Casper, if I can do anything to help let me know ok? I know a really good lawyer here that will do the right things for you.

Mike

Mike
at235.gif
 
I hope you take the sound advice you are receiving. It seems pretty clear her proposed plan is unacceptable. If you had any thoughts of trying to work things out with her her proposed plan and subsequent actions should have made it clear she is not on the same page of trying to fix the problem and get back together with you. First her paln is completely inconsistent with what should have happened when she was caught. She should have been extremely remorseful and tried to convince you that it was a terrible mistake and that she would do anything to make amends. That is not what she did. Instead she wants you to agree to let her continue to fool around with others. This plan is not an effort to fix your marriage.
Second her hitting you and then calling the police is another example of the fact that she does not have a sincere interest in fixing your marriage.
As hard as it may seem right now, you need to get away from her. It will be the best thing for you and your son. Trust me you will find someone who truly cares for you and your son, and has the same values you do. This woman does not.
It sounds like you personally may need to seek some help(counseling) to get through the immediate future. Yes your family is important. If they can not provide all the personal care and help you need right now I am sure they would be willing to help out financially to get you the help, legal or counsel, you may need. Lean on them , you will be suprize how much they will want to help you through this process. Good luck. jim
 
Hang in there buddy. That ache in your heart will pass with time. Think only of your love for your child and how much your child needs you right now. Be there for your child. Hold them as much as possible. Don't roll it over and over in your mind, what you should have or could have done. What's done is done and now you have to deal with it. It's like getting a call one day that the person you love the most is dead. You cannot turn back time and you cannot change her. Love thru it. Get custody of your child and be a happy loving father. Years from now when your child get's older you will see what a huge triumph you had and will never regret it.

Good luck buddy.
 
so sorry man. She obviously doesn't recognize that what she's doing is wrong and that is really sad. No hope there, at least until she pulls her head out. I second what everyone else says about your son. He is your priority and the "plan" would damage him(and you) beyond repair. Do what is best for you two and let her face the consequences of her actions. I have no divorce experience, but I have to think it's better than what you are living now. Feel free to come here to talk anytime.
Andy
 
It seems like from your last post you took the sage advice of many of this board's members. I would definately support that! I am concerned that you may not see a great piece of advice that was left after your last post...I would not go anywhere near her without two or three very reputable people with you. I wouldn't even send a freind to get your things. I would send your mother or even better, grandmother to get your things. in fact, the way she tried to manipulate that situation already, I wouldn't even go anywhere by myself. Never hurts to have someone account for your whereabouts at all times. Plus, it is always nice to have someone at your side at times like these. After reading your story, I had to write my soon-to-be wife to let her know how much I loved her and appreciated her....

might sound like over doing it, but if she is not on your apartment lease, it may be possible to get a restraining order against her. If so, then I would get a restraining order on your parent's house and against her from your son or at least so she can't come within 150 ft of you.

I'm sorry that you have to go through soemthing like this. Vows are what they are...she didn't live up to hers.

talk about biting the hand that feeds you!
 
You said you can't afford an attorney. Check around, some lawyers will take your case pro-bono (no charge). If you were in CA I could hook you up, but I don't know anybody in WY.

She doesn't want to be a wife or a mother. If your parents or other family will let you move in with them, take your son and go. Your wife is a self-centered, selfish, immature tramp that isn't worth trying to save a relationship with. For her to cheat in the presence of your son is indicative of her lack of character. Her "plan" is also indicative of her character, or lack thereof. There are plenty of women that are worthwhile and if you are selective, you'll find one.

I'm very sorry you are going through this.
 
MartinHunter;
TCR1 gave you some very practical advice along with other good advice from other members of this forum. I read your posts and I can tell from long experience that this marriage is not going to make it, no matter what you do. Your wife is very immature and will play you along if you allow her.
I suggest that you work on a divorce and try to gain custody of your son, it seems like that she does not want to be tied down and may not contest child custody, if not, try for joint custody or ample visitation rights.
Bail out now, waiting will only prolong the pain and suffering. But REMEMBER THIS, DO NOT, I REPEAT, DO NOT DO anthing stupid that will get you into trouble. If you do, you are playing into her hand and she will probably stick it to you. Listen to the advice that TCR1 gave you to avoid any further legal problems, you do not need any further problems at this time. I made the same mistake you did over 36 years ago, I dropped her like a hot potatoe and have been married to my present wife for 36 years and they have been damn good years.
I have seen hundreds of cases like yours during my 30 years as a cop, and I am speaking from experience when I tell you not to do anything that will cause you more severe problems with the law. She is not worth it, look out for yourself and your child and let her go her own way and be shut of her. Right now things look very gloomy for you, trust me when I say things will improve with time if you keep a cool head and go about this the right way.
Best of Luck
RELH
 
While I have never been in your situation, I have friends that have and one thst is now. No disrespect for anyone, but it will probably never work out. I know form past girlfriends that when you see someone else with will boil your blood. If you keep seeing her bringing guys home it is going to mess with you for the rest of your life, and, not to say that you will, but people can only take things like taht for so long before they snap. I don't want to here that that happened to you, you seem ike a good kid. Man do what you have to do for you and your kid, you two are the two taht matter the most. There are more girls out there that will like you for you and stay true, and hell, she might want to go hunting with you. I have learned from experience that the best way to get over a woman is with another one. Good luck and do what you have to do.


Muledeernut
 
LAST EDITED ON Jul-22-04 AT 07:47PM (MST)[p]Your predicament really hits home with a lot of us. I have been through the hell you are now in and it was the worst time of my life, BAR NONE! You're getting good advice on what to do, get away from her and out of the marriage and don't look back. I did 23 years ago and I now have a great wife and family. You will too.

As for her stupid plan to stay together while she does whatever she wants, I think you are being set up! That arrangement will most likely end up like this: she's brings home some horn dog and starts doin him in your apartment, you lose your cool she calls the cops and you get thrown in jail. Gone is any chance of having primary custody of your child or the upper hand in divorce proceedings. Don't let her set you up! It hurts to have a wife pull this stuff on you but it hurts alot worse to lose custody of your child and have a bitter ex-wife keep that child away from you the rest of your life.

Have faith in your future with her out of the picture and a loving, caring, faithful woman by your side.

All the best.
 
Man I feel for you but there are things I feel you should do
# keep your kid at your parents house and you need to stay there too.
# avoid her
# always have some one with you
# have multiple people collect your things from your appartment
# talk to a lawyer
"the price you would pay to gain custity of your Child is priceless even if it takes years to pay it off."
# make your terms and tell her that when she wants to talk then let you know. do not meet with her in private!!! or with her friends. but make it a comfortable situation for both of you.
# Never get down or do anything that can come back and bit you in the butt.
# Besides cheating it sounds like she doesn't think that she needs to take responsability for her actions or your child.
its not you or your fault so don't take the blame.
# Love sucks but you are young enough to still live an awsome life.
# you need to kick her out, it sounds like without you she has nothing and I mean nothing, that guy she is with now is dumb he should NEVER mess with a married woman, and to life he is neive and knows nothing. If you kick her out she will relize that you are all she has. With out you she doesn't even have a child.
# if your parents let you say with them for a few months or until things settle down than do it and get out of the appartment. I hope you have lived there long enuf that you can terminate your contract. so she has no where to live.
# don't play her games you got your heart broke really bad don't let it ever happen again. If you happen to mend things tell her that it is never ever going to happen again. by saying once a cheater always a cheater gives nobody a chance.
# I've never been married and I'm only 20 but I can in ways visualize what you are going through it hurts me to even think about it, I just got my heart broke but I wasn't married and I don't have children. so I can't comprehend what your going through, but if you need someone email me
[email protected]
I'll do all I can.
# Last even if your belief in God is not great you can still rely on it. God loves you and knows your pain and can give you comfort when nothing else will. You cant run away from the situation so make the best of it. You are the man of your house, and well all back you up. Good luck and I wish you the best.
Hardhuntn
 
Thanks again for all the help and support from everyone. It seems that the MM members are split 50/50 on what I should do. Today was a great deak better as we came to an agreement today on what we are going to do to try and salvage our family. My son is with me at my parents and me, my wife and I will seperate for 2 month and we will live here. I am helping her out for those 2 months and she will tell me at the end which life she wants. It may sound foolish to some, but I think this will work. She says she acres for me at heart, and I Know she will choose me. Thnanks agian.

Michael
 
Sorry, I did not know who to get my PM's. I will reply to everone that helped me out.
Thanks
Michael
 
LAST EDITED ON Jul-22-04 AT 10:13PM (MST)[p]Hey Buddy -

Its a tough situation .....

I was with someone serious a few years back when I was young ... and I went away and she cheated on me and got pregnant by this other guy .... I left her and never looked back .... now I'm married to an incredible woman whom I trust without a question everytime I make a trip or go hunting !!!

The break will be good .... even for yourself if you stay strong and don't go tongue wagging back after her because of her sweet talking ..... bottom line is she cheated on you and can easily do it again .........
 
I've been there too. only I opened the bedroom door to the smell of alcohol and 2 naked people in bed asleep(1 was my wife). You did the right thing and not pound the dude. I did the same thing and am so happy I made the decision to just yell at her and call her a f?"+in horror (that was the only thing I could say) We were separated for the 3rd time but thats all it took for me to get the paperwork started for a disalussionment. Hardhunt has some great advice, I second it. If she is cheatin on you now at 19 and only 2 years of marriage I would be gone. There is no trust and IF you were ever to get back together it would always be in the back of your mind. Hey were do you live? Your more than welcome to come to my house. I live in Fort Collins, COlorado. Do EVERYTHING in your power to get your kid! BTW, I am now happily married for the last 5 years and 2 beautiful little girls with a 3rd on the way! It s tough now but it will get better, hang in!
Jeff
 
My brother went through the same crap... Here is what he did.

1. Hired a private eye to take photos of her. If you can get photo's of her not taking care of the kid or doing drugs the better. In Seattle this cost about 400 dollars. Tell no one you are doing this...

2. Once you have the evidence stacked up against her. It must be overwhelming evidence... Like having sex while the boy is in the other room, drugs, drinking and driving, etc.

3. Go to the lawyer and do the damage... Use the evidence against her right there and ask for the world... The world is no payments, split any bills, sole custody of your son.

Done deal... The entire cost will most likely be around 1000 dollars... Your son is well worth it...

TheHunt
 
MartinH,

Tough situation to be in bud. This "plan" is nothing more than a convenience package for her galvanting around. You pay the bills and she gets to run around with whoever she wants? I'd broom her out of the place faster than poop spits out of a goose. At 19, you still have your whole life in front of you. You don't want your little one involved with this trash. Don't humiliate yourself. It's a tough call because you think your in love. Obviously if she's screwing around on you, she doesn't love you or respect you. Dump her.................
 
Michael,
On the page that lists all the conferences, look above and select the small heading that reads "Inbox". Just click on that when you are logged in and your messages will be listed.
 
Been there a couple of times.

1) Buy a book called Divorce Busting by Michele Weiner Davis

2) Get some counseling

3) Get to a priest, or rabbi, one of your old coaches, or someone - and start talking

4) Tell her the deal doesn't work. She stops her activities immediately, and joins you in counseling, or else. You do have some leverage - note her "plan" includes you being the Daddy Warbucks

Bottom line is your first priority should be your child. Your wife's plan is inappropriate, and you don't want the child growing up thinking that's OK.


Marshall



www.parchedmuskrat.com
 
Mike,

I don't mean to be too blunt here, but I'm going to tell you this for your sake. It may hurt a little to hear this, but I think you need to hear it. I really think you need to open your eyes a little bit here.

1. What kind of mother just gives up her son for two months? She's obviously putting her "fun" in front of her responsibility to raise your son? not to mention her vows she made to you. If she feels like her motherhood and her marriage are a burden, she has a problem.

2. With this arrangement, you are paying for her while she goes out and dates other guys ? enough said.

3. At the end of 2 months, SHE decides what SHE wants. B.S. YOU need to decide if YOU will take her back, NOT the other way around. YOU aren't the one who did wrong. This whole deal is ass backwards. She's going to string along another two months salary of yours. Do you really think that she'll get it all out of her system in 2 months anyway?

From my experience of being in a relationship almost exactly like this one, believe me when I tell you that this girl doesn't have it in her to be what you deserve. Yes, she's young. Yes she may grow up someday. Maybe. But I don't need a crystal ball to tell you it won't be until the damage has been done to you and your son's perception of what a healthy relationship is.

For your sake, please think long and hard about your future during the next two months. You obviously love this girl. But that still doesn't mean you should subject yourself to this kind of treatment. Remember that you're in the driver's seat here. You're holding the cards. Don't let your son see her walk all over you.

Sorry if that was too blunt, but I think I'm right on this one.

Good luck, God bless,

WH
 
LAST EDITED ON Jul-23-04 AT 10:14AM (MST)[p]I agree with wallhanger and like it has been said I would be very careful, cause she will be living off of you and running around with all these pre-pubesent teenagers and then once she relizes(sp?) that they can provide the worldly things for her she will come running back to you just to get the financial security she needs but chances highly favor that she will be running around with all those kids, I told my friends dad that is a marriage/family councelor what I know about your situation and he said that her plan and any plan that would involve yall (mainly her) doing your own thing would reak havoc on your family and that if yall are going to make it work then you need to make it work NOW! and not in 2 months, I agree with what he said and what has been said in this forum, you deserve to get back in return what you are willing to and what you do put into your relationship and family, anything less doesen't deserve you, I don't mean to talk bad about your wife, but to me it sounds like she wants to mooch off of you financially and emotionally for 2 months or however long she can, even if it means lying and cheating you, be careful of what she says and does, she might just be setting you up in the long run. Your number 1 priority is you son, not your wife, set an example for him of what is rite and wrong, and this is definately wrong.


Jake
 
I wounder if she wuld like to keep up my camp site while i'm out hunting.
its just a thought,
she could pick up a little extra spending cash, besides what you pay her.
 
Another thing to consider. If, god forbid, she ends up pregnant sometime soon, in my state you would be liable until the child is born and paternity can be verified. Also, you can't divorce while she is pregnant so this 2 month all expense paid vacation from the OATH she took could turn into a 9-12 month cluster F#&$. Get yourself an attorney and leave her NOW !!
 
Thanks again for all of the help, even if you support my desictions or not. I guess I need to explain why I love her so much and why I cna not just let her go. This is the first time I have told anybody the truth so, here it goes.

When she was fifteen and I was sixteen we ment at a friends house. She had a boyfriend, whom was a loser, his dad is in prison for drugs and he will probably end up there someday. Once she dumped him for me she was always happy, until she had to go home. Her dad is a druggy, and has been his whole life, that why her dad and mom got divorced when she was three. Her family has been fighting for her ever since. Her dads side accused her mothers of abuse, and her mothers side obviuosley went at them for the drugs. She was always in the middle, and grew up think that the better peple were the ones that had the most material things.

Her fathers side all live under the care of her granny. Her dad lives in a house paid for by his mom. Her aunt and uncle live in a house owned by there mom, right next door.,a nd her other aunt and uncle live in the same house as there mom. They all are there because of material things, like the don't have resposabilities, not ebcause of love.

I saw this when I was with her, I thought that she wanted more, and that my love would help. I wanted to giver her something real. We started making love (my first and only) and I could feel that she wanted to be close to me. It was a mutual desicion for us to have a kid. I wanted to giver her that. I did not know how or if I could handle it at first, but it worked out for the better until now. She wanted my son with me, because I love her, and I don;t think she has ever had that before.

Thats why I can't give up. I know that she needs me for more then money, cuz? I don't have very much, lol. She needs me because I am there for her when she needs it. She want guy friends, she says she will never sleep with anyone but me ever, she tells me that what we have is secread, and when she is ready to talk to me, and make love to me again she will come to me, not someone else. I want to believe her. She tells me to wait, but she always wants to call me or have me come see her. I will wait,a nd help her, because i love her, and that is how I am going to show it.


Thanks Again

Michael
 
Hey Buddy,
You already have 1 kid to raise, it's not your fault or responsiblity for the way she was treated as a child. I'm sorry for her. In your own town, city, state and all over the world there are people with alot less than she ever had, that would love to have a friend like you, and they wouldn't treat you as she did. You think/say you don't have much, get real. You're being used, wise up for yourself and your child.
Good Luck in the path you choose. Kevin
 
Michael, take this advice. Trust me, this is good advice. If you really want this to work out, DO NOT sit around and wait for her phone calls, and under no circumstances call her first. When she calls, don't answer, let her leave messages, and call her a day or two later. Show her that you can get on with your life without her. Make sure you are seen out with the guys. Don't sit around and mope. If she truely wants it to work out, she will freak when she thinks you're having more fun than her. She needs to be afraid of losing you. If you don't follow this advice, she will keep dragging you along, knowing that she's got you by the "you-know-whats".
 
Let me add to that. Whenever you do talk to her, always sound up-beat and happy. And never throw it in her face "this is what YOU wanted". Then she'll just think you're doing it to get back at her. Just act like you're have fun, and that it's not bothering you to be away from her. GAME ON!!!
 
Thats what I am trying to do. She says she needs space, but she just called me to come see me with my son. I do not understand her.
Michael
 
MH,

Ok, I will give my last peice of advice, and that will be it, I can see where you are coming from you are a caring person, and your wife was lucky to have you, let me tell you about my aunt, her husband(x) became a cop and she started to expect something then one day she came home and he was laying on the couch with some brod watching t.v. he swore that it was nothing and that they were just friends watching t.v. together on their brake, so she wanted to believe him then he would get calls and go out of the room, and so she told another cop that worked with him and the cop came and tapped the phones for her, anyway to make a long story short they were making plans to meet up and when she confronted him he said the same thing that he wasen't sleeping with her that they were just going out to dinner and enjoying one another's companionship and that all he cared about was her, and to just give him time then one day she got a call from her credit card company saying that there had been unusual charges and one of them was a hotel room, so she goes to the hotel got a copy of the key cause the card was in her name, so she went in the room caught them bare assed naked on the bed doin the Mountandew, she left he begged for forgiveness and what not so she said ok, but we are going to see a councelor, it turns out his way of life groing up is almost Identical to your wifes, except it was his mother that was jacked up the worst and so after a couple weeks of counseling they stopped going and a couple weeks laterhe says you know I want to stay married but let me keep seeing this lady, and so she was like hell no, so back to counseling they go, and the counselor said somthing to the extent of "I wanted to tell you this last time, but I decided not to since there were children involved, but you need to get out of this marriage, he is looking at you as a mother figure" so as hard as it was for her she new it would be better for her 4 kids, if she ended their marriage, and dude I see the same thing with you and your wife she doesen't want a husband she wants a dad that will take care of her while she does her thang, you know she mad a covenant with you when yall got married and she broke the most sacred promise we can make to another person on this earth and worst of all is there is a kid involved, you call the shots, but overall no matter what we say here it all comes down to you, and so far I haven't seen any advice from anyone that says ya stick to her plan, I hope overall what you choose works out best for you and your kid.

Jake
 
Here is the key , right now she nows you will be there. I am sure that in her mind and maybe yours you will allways be there but just maybe if she has a hint that you might not be there for her she might pull her head out . I am sure that she feels in complete control and you need to do something to shake her up and make her think about life and the way it should be .
Take care , ShaneR
 
Tell her you made plans. Don't run over there every time she calls. Trust me, you are better off if this lasts a couple of weeks than a couple of days. She's the one that did wrong. Make sure when you go back to her, it's on your terms, and not hers. Make sure she knows that she can't get away with this crap, and that you'll go back to her no matter what. If she's already calling to see you, she will want to get back with you soon. Don't forgive her that easy. I know it's tough. I've been there more than once. It's real easy to just go back and act like nothing happened, but you'll pay for it in the long run. Put a stop to it now.
 
Hey Bud
You are not the first and you wont be the
last that ever got cheated on. It happened to
me too. Pls let me try to give you some advice
because been there and done that. First if you
enjoy hunting and your firearms, dont do anything
that could be construed as a threat to this girl.
Have you ever heard of "an order of protection".
That is what will happen if she says you are a
threat to her. If one is issued you lose your guns
and it is next to impossible to get them back.
The second thing is realize that you made a mistake
when you married this girl. She has told you in
plain English that she does not want to be married
to you. Listen to the folks who tell you life goes
on. In time you will realize that this might have
been for the best and this time that you might have
wasted on this girl could be used building a foundation
with a decent woman. Be strong for your child. Dont
despair! There are good women out there who could be
a good mother for your child. Dont worry about material
things. You can always get more of them. Talk to people
but dont hold out hope you can make this marriage work
and dont get married on the rebound. Good Luck
 
LAST EDITED ON Jul-23-04 AT 12:40PM (MST)[p]I am going to give you some advice that on the surface will seem like the exact opposite of what you should do, and is the exact opposite of what your heart wants you to do. However, despite your emotions that tell you to do otherwise, please consider what I have to say carefully.

If you want your wife back, and she insists that she "needs space" and wants to date other guys, you need to let her see exactly what it is like without ANY (read my lips: ANY) help from you. The worst thing you can do is to help her during this time. Don't pay any bills (except for your kids) and don't let her live under the same roof. Basically, don't have any contact with her except that pertaining to your kid. I know that what I am saying is EXTREMELY hard to do.

In my opinion, if you help her during this time, you are only making easier for her to leave eventually. After all, she gets to have it all: you still take care of her until she finds someone else to do that job.

I am as macho as they come, but let me tell you something for sure: your wife needs counseling, and you should go with her. With a past like hers, she doesn't have the skills to make it work with anyone, and you will only be the first of a long line of men. As far as paying for the counseling, there are programs that help and you can not afford NOT to go. If she won't go, you should. I did and it was extremely helpful.

Just remember that no matter what happens with you and your wife, she will always be your kid's mom, so if she doens't get the help she needs, your kid will be mentally scarred too.

In my opinion, if you help her during this time, and you don't get counseling, your marriage will not make it.
 
Stuff like this realls burns me up. Same deal happened to by younger brother two weeks ago. They were supposed to get married this august and she was caught cheating with a guy she works with. Thing that gets me is that she was carrying this on since May and lived like nothing was happening. Hell she even gave me information on the hotel reservations for the wedding about a week before my brother found out. You know with domestic violence being such a big problem, hooches like this do women a disservice because these are often the cause of domestic violence.
-Raptor
 
Dude you have the out right now Listen to to your mind and not that heart because in the long run you will be saving yourself a lot problems MY VOTE is to cut and run leave her behind She not got to change waht you want this same thing 3 year 5 years or 20 years down the road , Your lucky that you have only a couple of years in NOW IS THE TIME to cut the problem out of your life.
 
Hey dude .... I just did a tally -

over 90 percent of us vote that you need to get out and move on with your life .....

Your last post sounded like you're trying to be a saviour ...... and you'll do anything for her ..... she sure as hell knows you will and can put the dog lease on your neck and do what she wants.

Believe it or not .... she will likely cheat again on you .... string you along getting everything she wants .....

Look buddy ... we all think you can do better than that.

None of us said its going to be easy .... but you got to cut her loose and make a life for yourself and your boy.
 
Where's the advice from your two cousins Casey & Moseley, as to what you should do or not do, being that close in family.
All of these posts as to what you should do or not do and you are still hanging on and won't let go.
Take your son and go to your parents house and cut the damn "cord" and get on with your life.

Brian
 
ONCE A LOWLIFE TRAMP,ALWAYS A LOWLIFE TRAMP

OOPS!!!

I HAVE A GOOD FRIEND THAT TRIED WHAT YOU ARE TRYING,HE TRIED EVERYTHING IN HIS POWER TO KEEP IT TOGETHER,AFTER SHE PROMISED SHE WOULDN'T DO IT AGAIN,HE UNEXPECTEDLY SHOWED UP BACK AT THE HOUSE ONE DAY AND FOUND HER IN THE SACK NOT WITH ONE LOWLIFE BUT TWO LOWLIFE WELFARE CASES!!!

I'D HATE TO SEE IT HAPPEN TO YOU!!!

YES,IT CAN GET WORSE!!!

I'D HATE TO THINK WHAT I WOULD OF DONE IN THAT SITUATION,NONE OF THE OPTIONS ARE GOOD!!!

AS FOR ME THERE WOULDN'T BE SECOND AND THIRD CHANCES GIVEN!!!

THERE COMES A TIME WHERE 'NO TOLLERANCE' RULES APPLY,THIS IS ONE OF THEM TIMES!!!

LIKE 'PB' AND B_F_E_ ONCE STATED:QUOTE:THEY ARE A DIME A DOZEN WHY LET SOMETHING THAT CHEAP SCREW THE REST OF YOUR LIFE UP???UNQUOTE!!!(HE,HE!!!)

O.K.,I'LL START BEING NICE AGAIN!!!

YOU'VE GOT THE PERFECT OPPORTUNITY TO TAKE FULL CUSTODY OF YOUR SON AND BOOT HER OUT ON HER LOWLIFE A$$,IT'S UP TO YOU,ALL US DIVORCE DR.'S HERE AT MM KNOW WHAT WE'D DO!!!

IT KINDA SOUNDS LIKE A SMALL TOWN NOT TO FAR FROM WHERE I LIVE,IT'S BEEN BRED INTO THEM FOR GENERATIONS,SO LONG THAT THEY THINK THATS THE WAY IT'S SUPPOSED TO BE!!!

TAKE THE ADVICE,DO NOT,I REPEAT,DO NOT POINT THE GUN AT YOUR OWN HEAD,THIS CAN AND WILL BE USED AGAINST YOU IF SHE HEARS ABOUT IT OR SEE'S IT,REMEMBER,THERE AIN'T ONE OF THEM WORTH THAT!!!

THE ONLY bobcat WONDERING HOW SHE'D LIKE SOME OF MY OPTIONS???
 
I know that most of you say boot her out, and leave, but thats not who I am. Its like nobody believes is love or second chances anymore. People can change. Before I had her and then my son I was a "Bad" kid. I did all of the things that teens are not supposed to and more. When people found out she was pregnant they thought I could not do it, because of who I was then. I 360'd my self out of that and became a father and husband. I graduated high school early with 3 extra credits, I got a job 3 days later and I have been there since. I built it and I feel That I can fix what has fallen in time. She worked with me to revise the plan to acomidate both of our needs right now. She calls me to "talk to my son" but I know she wants to hear my voice also. It hurts her, what she did and is doing, but she can't admit it yet. She will though, because she misses the daily life things thta we do together, cooking dinner, going out to eat, renting movies, going shopping. She loves those things as much as me and thats why I think she will fix it with me.

Michael
 
>Where's the advice from your two
>cousins Casey & Moseley, as
>to what you should do
>or not do, being that
>close in family.
>All of these posts as to
>what you should do or
>not do and you are
>still hanging on and won't
>let go.
>Take your son and go to
>your parents house and cut
>the damn "cord" and get
>on with your life.
>
>Brian
__________________________________________________

Hey Brian,

Casey is Michaels father.

Mike
at235.gif
 
Sounds like you are not staying with her right now. Good! If you really want to get her back and "fix" what is wrong, you have to stay away from her until you get some professional help. Again, if you try for a quick fix, your marriage will have a 99% chance of failure. This was not an isolated incident (being with another boy) but a symptom of bigger problems under the surface. She and you need to go to a counseler and find out how to fix those problems. I really believe that is your only hope.

I know you have pulled yourself up by your bootstaps so far, but you need outside help to make this thing work. I applaud your efforts to make this work, but my experiences tell me that you can not do it alone, and family is too emotional to help. Good luck.
 
Michael


Sounds like you have it all figured out, you want to stay and work it out with her! Right! Why are you longing for advice still? Are you Looking for someone to answer with what you want to hear???

Sorry, Just keep giving her her cake and let her it it too! She loves it, she has you and has you on a string. She won't change, she hasn't sowed her oats and longs for something you can't give her. It's not your fault, it's all in her head and you can't change her.

You turned your life around once before when you first found out you were going to be a dad. You can make things right for yourself and your son, but you have to take the bull by the horns, be a man and stand up for yourself. You can end the pain now and start to heal, or you are going to do as I have done in the past and just prolong it over a long periond of time.

You will never forget what happended and trust is a precious thing. There are a ton of fish in the sea and a girl out there will see your good heart, and your attitude and will treat you the way you need to be treated. This girl has killed your self-esteem and brought you to an extreme low in your life and she does not deserve you. If she really loved you and cared about you, she would not have hurt you in the first place. Would you have done that to her???

You probably think that you will never find someone who loves you or some one you love again but trust me, you will. Each time I ended in a relationship I felt that way, now I have a beautiful wife that takes good care of me, takes very good care of herself, is proud and provided me with beautiful gift in a little baby girl.

She will continue to hurt you. It is a tough decision and it takes a while to heal but it only gets better and better. God throws us these curve balls occasionally so don't give up on life, he has a purpose, and part of that is helping build your character, so make the right decisions especially for your son. You got a great gift out of the deal in your son, take him if you possibly can and get on with your life! There is a happy life out there if you search and work for it.

Trust me, don't give up, it will only get better and will work out in the long run.

Greg
 
Hey been reading a little about what you have gone through. Now you think that staying with her is the best thing because of the kiddo. But think about this though.... would staying with the girl and fighting with her and all the screaming and yelling be good for the kid in the long run?? NOPE... You would be better off getting divorced and moving on.

I speak about this because I went through what you went through... though I was a little bit older at 23 but same stuff happened... She found another guy, made arrangments to work it would with me... witch really translated into, pay her bills, wait while she runs up and maxes out the credit cards, drains the bank account, and has enough time to build a relationship with this other guy.... Basically talks a load of BS to benifant her and while using your EMOTIONS so she can get what she wants.. We got a divorce and I am better off without her and I still have a great relationship with my son.....

Now I am better off. At the age of 30 married the woman of my dreams cause from that bad experience of mine I learned WHAT I REALLY WANTED IN LIFE FROM A WOMAN I WANTED TO SPEND THE REST OF MY LIFE WITH. And it just happens that she is the greatest woman in the world, has a great job. And supports me in everything I do....
 
MH, You are already the first guy that your present wife burned, don't go back and be the second, or third and so on. If somebody wants her enough to be there when you leave, let him have her! Although my first instinct would be fists or guns, maybe giving the cheaters the go-ahead is sweeter than any ass beating would be in the long run. Good luck with whatever path you choose. mtmuley
 
What you want and what's right are two different things. You're screwing yourself! Do you want to end up on Jerry Springer? Why don't you just clamp your genitals in a vise and smack yourself in the head with a hammer? Why do you think you need to continue suffering when she is the one screwing up a good thing? You deserve better than that and so does your child.
 
90 post and you two are the first to be A$$ Holes, thank you. You know, even if I agree or don't agree with some of the advise I got here, it has all helped in some way. I know this post has nothing to do with hunting, but as stupid as it may sound I have knowone to talk to about it, so I came here. I think everyone who has helped me on MM the past couple of days. I think I got my "plan" now, and do to the risk of sounding like an idoit, lol, I will tell you all how it went later, after it has been exicuted. All's I can say is that I think it will work for the better. Thanks again.
Michael
 
LAST EDITED ON Jul-25-04 AT 07:29PM (MST)[p]Your post is a little scary dude especially since you have already put a gun to your head and been in a fight. Despite what you say you are not thinking clearly. Listen to the people on here they have excellent advice, they have been in your shoes. Your wife's upbringing has NOTHING to do with what's going on, its all excuses. get out of where you are before things get worse. I and others have offered to help (refer to my post #60 the other day). TAKE US UP ON IT!
I tried for months to try mend things or deny what was going on, it was a waste of time and only made things worse. Face up to the truth and be a man. If not for your sake, for your kid's sake GET OUT NOW!!!!!!!!!
JEFF
 
I am fine, I know I have my problems, but I we have decided to get a divorce. It's not what I want, but it's what she wants, and if she can not love me when I am doing my best then there is nothing else I can do. I want to wait for her, and I admit I will for time, but for now I have my son, and my life, or whats left of it, and we are going to pick up and move on. Maybe when she realizes she was in the wrong, she will see me in the right, and come for what she had. Maybe then I will still want and love her, but maybe I wont?

Michael
 
You've been given lots of advise. You can read my posts and see where I stand, but only you are the one that can make the final decisions that will effect your life.

What ever you decide to do and what ever happens, you'll be in my thoughts and prayers. Good luck to you buddy.
 
MH...
All you can really ask in any realtionship is trust and respect... She crossed the line. I don't know about you but for me it would be easier to say good bye then having to live 50 years with someone I wouldn't trust.
If it was ment to be she would not have dis-respected you and your son.
jason
 
i can only guess what most of these replies say- cant sit still long enough to read them all. plain and simple its like this
1. DO NOT TOUCH THE WOMAN OR WHOEVER ELSE SHES WITH !!!!!
(you will set yourself up for a world of poopy that you will not enjoy- and she will win, your son will see it and he'll never forget it)
2. go through your house and find all of your important stuff- you know what i mean (guns, bows, mounts, hunting photos, birth certs, ss cards, dads knife, important papers, etc- take them out of the house and put them someplace else- truck, parents, safe deposit box- anywhere away from her or where she can get at them)
3. any checking or savings accounts in both names- remove her, clean out the money and hide it- ALL OF IT. she will be spending it on him, or ruining YOUR credit- also something you will not enjoy
4. PROTECT YOURSELF AT ALL TIMES (lock your door to your room, keep your keys and walletts hidden, medication, anything thats yours- HIDE IT !!!!!
5. have a discussion with whomever watches your son, ie; daycare, school, parents- LET SOMEONE ELSE KNOW WHATS GOING ON (you dont have to be too specific but if something happens to you someone else must know whats happening at your house)
6. tell your work not to allow her to "pick up your checks" or whatever else they might allow her to do if/when shes pissed at you, stop your direct deposit if your accounts are joint, keep YOUR stuff seperate from her and hers !!!!!
7. when the time is right (shes out on a date and your babysitting- whatever the case may be) pack up all your clothes you'll need for 2+ weeks, get all YOUR STUFF, the stuff you came into the marriage with, and the stuff you've been hiding, toothbrush, and enough things of your sons that he will not feel too uncomfortable (toys, books, games, special things of his) get in your vehicle, or have a close friend come and get you- AND GET THE HELL GONE !!!!! tell your family everythings alright for when she calls them, be honest whomever in your family will understand- blood is thicker than than her skull !!!!!
8. there is a free legal aid office in just about every state/town around- they can and will help you file the neccessary paperwork in court. when you file the paperwork asking for temporary full custody pending a hearing- the proper authorities will inform her of whats happening- KEEP A COPY OF THE COURT PAPERWORK IN YOUR POSSESSION AT ALL TIMES UNTIL THIS IS OVER. if she has the law involved and you cannot prove your the boys father or prove what your doing removing him from her- you are screwed !!
9. i am sending you a pm with my number and address, if you need a place to stay with your son call me, your more than welcome.
10. this is weird for me to say but it is the truth IT HURTS BAD RIGHT NOW SEEING HER WITH SOMEONE ELSE, I KNOW IT- PERSONAL EXPIERENCE. IT WILL HURT LESS AND LESS AS EACH DAY PASSES, AND IN A MONTH OR TWO, YOU AND YOUR BOY WILL BE OK.
11. SORRY BROTHER, I WOULD'NT WISH THIS ON ANYONE- IT WILL PASS.

MICHAEL WAITE, MARANA, AZ.
 

Similar threads

money
26 year dream comes to a close!
Replies
42
Views
3k
joesikora
joesikora
Tristate
A great hunting tale
Replies
16
Views
1k
DeerHunter53
D
elks96
Last one for the wall?
Replies
13
Views
1k
elks96
elks96

Click-a-Pic ... Details & Bigger Photos

Member Gallery Photos and Videos!

IMG_0318.jpeg
Screenshot_20230720_151458_Gallery.jpg
631A26C5-D91E-4D1E-A9C4-34ED3B91C3ED.jpeg
B6E163F0-FF29-46DE-A418-3187E91E2062.jpeg
FD13D9F3-8B4B-45B3-8F29-196111504457.jpeg
26230675_10208505586755959_7672680538029576842_n.jpg
deer (2).jpg
20210403_133243.jpg
D1E88C6A-144F-496F-B376-7CC9179F5810.jpeg
20220519_150857.jpg
IMG_2300.JPG
IMG_0306.png
Back
Top Bottom