Wife?s cheating, hunting helps a little.

I am out now, for good, I pray not, but probably so. We came to an agreement about my son, and what we are both going to do. She is being more resonable now, and says she respects what I have done for her, and will always respect that. I think that is her way of saying she fudged up and could not handle the resposablity, and I did what was right. Sometime you do whats right and it does not work. We will just see about that. Thanks again for the help from all.
Michael
 
I forgot, we decided to have my son on purpose. So we were married afterwards. I tried to save her from an abusive family setuation. I was ready, no matter my age, and I think I proved that. And I did get her out of what she was in, which is a lot worse thenw ere we are out now, so maybe I won, and we both came out the better.
Michael
 
i just read every post you wrote and i have one thing figured out 100%. do you think she knows how badly you want to save this marriage ?? she knows you will ALWAYS be there for her, whatever she does, she knows you do not want to break up. well my friend because she knows these things she now can do whatever and whomever she wants- because she knows you'll always come back. thats too bad- suprise her and LEAVE, when she calls only discuss things that have to do with your son, do not ask her anything about anything unless it has to do with your son. do not answer anything she asks unless it has to do with your son, this is the only way.
well theres another way but it'll cost 5k and we'll have to dig a hole !!!!!
MICHAEL WAITE, MARANA, AZ.
 
What about the hole, lol? NE ways, she know in her heart, and i am going to try my best to hide it. As you can imagine, I am confused and hurt. Not being a wuss, but I cry for her. I will do anything, later, after she hurts also. That may be 1 mont, or 20 years, or however long it takes me to get over her. Thanks
Michael
 
Good luck with the child support thing. Men get the short end of the stick with that also.
-Raptor
 
MH,
Overall I think the divorce will be best, you need to get out enjoy time with your son, I don't know how old your son is but my dad started taking me up in the hills with him when I was 2 1/2-3 years old and I still remember bits and pieces of it, do things with your son it will help, don't rush into things, but overall if I were you I would start trying to date respectable girls, you would be surprised how many young single (whether they have never been married or have been divorced) girls are out there that have somewhat gone through what you have, start dating them, chicks love kids, they(most of them) aren't like alot of guys are and look at kids as baggage, the biggest thing is keep busy doing things you like to do and involve your family and friends in your life and it will help, but overall you need to move on and not hold on to her, eventually you will find someone and you will look back at your x and say the only thing you loved about her was she gave you your son.

Jake
 
We worked things out and are looking at a long term seperation, and if so and divorce or inmy hopes reconciliation (spelling?). For now we are each taking turns with our son on our days off, but good for me she wants to go out on her days off so it looks like I get to see him more often. I got him today before work and I also getm him tommorrow before work! I just love her and want her to be happy, and me and my son can be happy together.

Michael
 
Michael,
You made the right decision, you need to stick with it! Always have somebody with you when you are around her (Your son doesnt count).
Get yourself around your family! You say you have nobody? You got to have some friends from work, hunting? Surround yourself with them, dont be alone! Talk about these things to your friends/family or a professional. Doing these things will help get rid of the pit in your stomach! And again there are people on here that have offered to help! I suggest these things because they worked for me.
Jeff
 
I have family, but know one in my family has gone through this at this age, so relating to their relationships is hard. The same goes for work. I am the youngest person here, so people help but they don't relate. My friends are all going to college, working, and drinking beer, they try to help, but most of the time they hurt. My wife wants to be a beer drinking, partying, teenager, and I want to be a dad.

Michael
 
just sounds like 2 kids made a stupid mistake to early in life.
never had an opertunity to see the world from open doors.
sorry kids
 
I don't think it was a mistake, I made it into something great. I graduated high school early, got a job and started a family. Why is that a mistake? She is the one that made a mistake by starting this life, one that she did not want, or does not want now, and ending it with a husband who loves her and a great son. She is hurting me and my son, she made the mistake, this is what I wanted and I was happy witht he way my life was.

Michael
 
I got married at 18 I have been with her now 10 years and have 2 great children, to say the least the young years had there problems, she is now my hunting partner and lifelong best friend.
I think there maybe some simple things you could do to help the situation, 1 i see you have posted 708 times on this website if that is alot of time on the comp at home get off it.
If she has not actually cheated on you, then there is great hope but you need to fully involve her in everything you do.
You must relize that she is her own person and if she does not want the life you are giving her she will change it.
A kid that works for me is 19 been with his gf for 3 years she cheated on him he dumped her and in the last 2 weeks he has had a better time with girls than the previous 3 yrs with his gf.
I would do everything possible to revolve my life and my wifes life into 1 big ball, go do things that she likes to do and have her go with you on every hunting and fishing trip you take.
without the strongest bond possible at 19 you will not make it.
Good luck bud stay smart dont do anything stupid life is way to great to waste it.
 
Holy Cow Martin! 111 posts and counting.

I had to post. Never seen a thread yet with over a 100 that I did not have something to say.

I would quit spilling my guts all over the world wide web.

Privatize this a bit. Go see Dr. Phil ;-)
 
First of all, my heart goes out to you.
I see nothing wrong with your post here. The hunting fraternity is like a family, and should understand that these are the people you feel most comfortable sharing this devastating event with.
I haven't read all the replies, but I beleive the people that are telling you to bail out only have your best interest in mind. They are trying to spare you more heartache than you've already experienced. There is no future in your marriage. Trust me, when she see's you gain strength and start to move on, she will be begging to come back. Don't let her. She doen't deserve your trust anymore.
You did the right thing when you controlled your feelings when you "discovered" them. Nobody wins if you wind up in prison. I know. In Feb of '03 my daughter disclosed that her stepdad had been molesting her for four years. NOBODY wanted commit murder more than me, but if I had done that, I'd be in prison and my daughter, current wife parents, and stepdaughter would be the big losers.
Bottom line... get counseling and move on!!! That's all I can say. Good luck!!!
 
Michael, This is going to change your life, if you let it. Go out today to the book store and buy "THE PURPOSE DRIVEN LIFE" written by Rick Warren...It's a great book and will help you gain perspective for the direction your life needs to go. I wish everybody would read it....Let me know how you like it....
 
I am on the computer at work, lol, so thats not the problem. I have my son and she is "thinking" she knows she is a good mom, and this will ruin it for her son and me, and know she realizes what a great family we had. She will come back, if not my son and I are better off. I think she will though, its already getting to her.

Michael
 
Women are like buses, there another one coming by in 30 minutes.
I Went through it also. Thought I could save it and work it out. Every thing was great till the next time it happened. Get rid of ther fast.
Divorce is so expensive because its worth it!
 
I thank all of you for your advise, and I will use bits and peices of it all, but I think the best advise I have got was to work it out my own way. I love my son, and I love her, so my way is to try my best to makes us a family. Even if it means not understanding her, and letting things slide. She will be back, I know this because I feel it in my heart.

Michael
 
Fugggg this thread has lasted longer than your marriage. Dump the broad and get over her, and do us all a favor. Your young and need guidance, most of the guys here have given you all you need. Take it.
 
micky i'm in your corner i'll support anything you decide to do and i'll help in any way i can
Marrage is a big fight for at least 5 years tell the both of you reach middle ground and know how far you can push each other then once that point is reached you both will learn not to push any farther
she has pushed you to the end and she must stop or screw up the best thing she ever had
Now is time for you to stand your ground and let her know that this is not the right thing to do let her know that if it go's any farther it will be unrepairable and she will lose.
dont get phisical or yell just lay your heart out and tell her enough is enough if she loves you and jamisson she better walk the staight and narrow or get out
i know this isn't what you wont to do but she is trying to find the end of your rope so stand up and shorten her leash
i'm not saying to give her the boot just let her know there is a chance of losing you and your son nmtaxi gave good advice make her worry about you for a while
 
I will say this until I am blue in the face since you haven't acknowledged that you are considering it. If you 2 get back together without outside intervention (counseling) you will only end up back where you are now. Your wife DOES NOT have the tools to make it work because of her background and she will repeat this cycle over and over.

To put it bluntly, if you don't get couseling, I give you 1 in 100 odds of staying together.

txhunter58

venor, ergo sum (I hunt, therefore I am)
 
HE'S HAD 120 COUNCELORS,AIN'T THAT DAMN NEAR ENOUGH???

HE'S NOT TAKING ANY OF IT TO HEART!!!

THAT'S O.K.,THIS IS AMERICA AND YOU CAN DO WHAT YOU WANT EVEN IF IT'S WRONG!!!

I'D PUT HER IN A BIND SHE AIN'T NEVER SEEN,BUT THATS JUST ME,I'M NOT VERY NICE SOMETIMES!!!

I'VE SEEN SEVERAL OF MY FRIENDS HURT DUE TO TRYING TO PULL IT ALL THROUGH,THE ONLY THING THEY GOT WAS HURT WORSE!!!

YOU'RE GONNA DO WHAT YOU'RE GONNA DO,REMEMBER YOU'VE HAD SOME DAMN GOOD ADVISE AND LISTENED TO VERY LITTLE OF IT,YA,I KNOW YOU LISTENED!!!

THE ONLY bobcat ARRANGING DIVORCES FREE OF CHARGE!!!
 
Cmiddeleton,
I don't know if you know, but Casey kicked me out. She took her name off of all of my bank and finacial things and is removing my name from the lease. Jameson and I have been staying at my parents. Its just Casey is to young, and wants to be a kid. she says she wants to be a mom, but not a wife right now, but I have had Jameson, so I think she only wants to be a mom on her terms. I think she will come back, somtime, and I will try to wait for her as long as I can, because I love her, everybody thinks that makes me a bad guy. Jameson and I are going to try and get our own place, but not until after hunting season, lol, so I have more money. Thanks everyone for the advise, and I have listend to a lot of it.

Michael
 
if there is anything i can do to help let me know and remember i'm your famaly too and what hurts you hurts me too i have always tried to be close to you and mose and would do anything i can to save you two from any grief or pain any thing you make up your mind to do I'll support you
my best advice is to do what needs to be done to make you happy with or without her its you that matters to me and mose.
don't get depressed or violent just take it a day at a time and ask god for guidence ask from your heart and beleave then take the path in front of you a step at a time doing whats right and making the best choices for you and jameson.
you have made good choices so far and i know talking to the people here helps but if you put it in gods hands he will guide you to happiness. he did me when i was at my worst and now that i have full faith in him the problems in life are not as great of obsticals i know things will work out for the best.
do whats right and avoid doing wrong then you will lead a happier life.
both my biggest bucks are answered prayers mose doing good is another and even autumn has been behaving sence i have asked for his help with her
man can make it alone but faith sure makes it easier
 
Casey,
Thanks for you help, you have always been there for me and so has Mose. It's hard to think about the things I once loved and enjoyed, because it seems like mylife has fallen apart. People thougth it would be tuff for me to be a husband and a dad, and some people even thought that it would not work. The hardest part is that I made it work, it was not that hard for me to work, and be a dad, but I still failed. I thought everything was going ok for Jameson, Casey, and I, and she will not give me a reason as to what went wrong, the only thing she will say is it was 60% my fault, and to give her time and space. That hurts, because I do not know what was my fault? Thanks for the help, and I am sure with time she will realize that I was a good husband and am a good dad. I will wait for her to come back, because I love her, but I do not know how long a can hold out.

Michael
 
LAST EDITED ON Jul-30-04 AT 06:55AM (MST)[p]i don't see any falt of yours, she was over controlling and you let her is the only thing i have seen that was a mistake on your part. you catered to her every whim.
she is the problem not you and you should not feel that you failed, she did.
you are a modle husben and father you have always thought of them first. you gave up alot to take her to a happier life even though it made yours tuff. you just have to face it that she will never be happy its her personality that is flawed, not what you have done or tried to do.
you can make it threw this and you will be happier in the end.
i have put up with tammy's "everything is bad attatude" for 20 years now thinking its best for the kids> but now with autumn i find out that her mom's bad attatude in life has acully made autumns life miserable> tammy will never change its her personality, i accepted that for my kids. now i find my kids didn't ever learn to accept it. we might have been a happier famaly without her.
don't take it out on yourself. you have done everything you can do to make it work, now it her turn to meet you in the middle. it has always been her way. make her meet you half way or get out of this bad situation. you are not her slave you are her husbend.
i kick myself in the butt for not getting out when things first went to h### here. when tammy was ragging on moseley for 4 years straight . now she has done the same to autumn i was afraid the kids would end up with her if i did. then they would have been raised with nobody telling them when they do good only telling them when they do bad. with extra love from me mose has turnned out great and autumn is turnning around she hasn't been in trouble sence december when she broke up with keven. her and i are getting along great now.
remember right from wrong and do the right things if she comes arround to you thats great, if she doesn't its not your falt and don't be so hard on yourself.
always treat her with love and if she can't return it its not you with a problem its her.
remember you have lots of people who love you and are willing to help you threw these hard times and when things are getting to you come look me up. i'll talk, hunt, fish and support you in any way nessasary.
you have always been a wonderful kid that i truly enjoy being arround.
 
remember that if you harm yourself or her jameson will suffer and the right things to do will benifit him the most.
hunterman and ny taxi have both given you the right choices in my mind and i don't wont to make the decition for you but you must stay away from her or she will set you up for the fall wemon are sneaky coniving gender that don't think like us they plot and plan rather then taking things as they come. man is a easy mark with a sparle in there eye and a plan in there heart girls will set you up and make you into the bad guy.
don't let her make you make a mistake corey sent a p.i. on his ex and in 48 hrs of her life on film she gave up custady of the kids and she had to pay child support.
walk the staight and narrow and let her make the mistakes.
then take jameson and get on with your lives. you will find your sole mate later in life and live happally ever after.
maybe next year we will draw our elk tags and you will get that 7x8 look to the future and not the past.
 
Thanks for the help Casey. I am trying my best to look to the future, but its hard now, after what we have been through at so young, to see it without her. I will probably get my own apartment in September, and Jameson will be with me on my days off. The hard part is we did everything as a family, I was happy with that and i guess she was not. Its those simple family times that I will miss the most. I think she made a big mistake, and she is already realizing this, but she is to stubborn to admit it. Someday she will though, and like I said, I will still love her and try towait it out with Jameson and my family.


Michael
 
I would have to say not ALL women are bad. Im currently seperated from my husband of 16 years and we have 5 kids. We got married very young I was only 17 and he was 19.

I always thought we had everything going for us,we hunted and camped and did everything together I pretty much was always by his side and then one day you hear those horrible words I dont think I can make this work anymore.. anyways.. Not ALL of us are bad sometimes things just dont work out no matter how much you love somebody. Ive learned that it is best to let them go but it is the hardest thing you will ever do espically when you still love that person.
 
MH, I hate to say it but I think you are setting yourself up to be kicked in the nuts HARD!!!! Don't sit around an wait it out for her because if you do you risk the day that she comes to pick up your kid and says "guess what I'm engaged or I'm pregnant with Billy Bobs kid, we're moving in together" altogether I would say you guys were really to young to do what yall did you did a good job and were ready I think but she we'll she was not, I think you should have followed the quote by the coach on Saving Silverman "Stay away from women, all they wants your man juice, if you have any urges alchol can't take care of use your hand" man sometimes coaches are so right.
Good luck in whatever you do.

Jake
 
Again, great advice from all. I have decided to live with my parents as long as I can stand to be a bum (mid Aug to mid Sept), then get my own place for me to live and my son to come and feel comfortable. We are not fighting for custody so child support ant an issiue, and the way it looks I will have him and support him most of the time anyways. I will wait, however, because I believe in true love, how long? I don't know. I might find someone tomarrow or maybe not.
Michael
 
M.H.
Don't piss off your employer by spending too much time on MM or filling bad about your current plight, or you may end up with the same employment status of as a Bum.
 
Hey a little advice though with the divorce.... Don't believe everything she says. I did that once... ended up getting the raw end of the deal. Turns out that she was telling me one thing, and ended up that she had got a lawyer and they did a whole lot of crap to me and stuck to me good as well as my wallet.
 

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