Sayings...

[1911]

There are sayings that have gone on for years. Many of them we see here on a daily basis. I always wonder where some of them come from. Take this one for instance. WHO PEED IN YOUR CHERIOS. Ok, so taking a moment to reflect, it is obvious what is implied by the saying but how exactly did it gain mainstream catch phrase status. Did some dude actually get up for work one morning and sit down to a fresh bowl someone peed in? Just makes you wonder where it got its start.

So now that is out of the way, what are some classic sayings. Here are some I can think of off the top of my sleep deprived head.

That was quicker than two shakes of a lambs tail.

Colder than a mother in laws kiss.

Colder than a witches teat in a cast iron bra.

'course..then there are the curse word sayings that are fully customizable. ie. faster than ______ colder than_______ slower than _______ hotter than ________ hurts like ______. I guess that is why spongebob calls them sentence enhancers.

Cupsy has one that refers to something about eyes like a frog but I cannot remember how it goes. No doubt it is woefully distasteful for a public forum anyhow.

Finer than frogs hair.

Sweating like a whore in church.

Jittery as Sancho in a broom closet when the mister comes home from work early.

Ok, I'm out but you get the idea. The best ones come from the old timers who can rattle them off one after another. Alright....I'm off for bed.

 

[caelkhnter]

(1) If "ifs" and "ands" were pots and pans there would be no room for tinkers;

(2) better than a poke in the eye with a sharp stick;

 

[kingfish]

Who pissed in your Wheaties

Funny as a fart in a space suit

If brain were dynomite you wouldn't have enought to blow your nose.

Shitz for brains

Colder then a well diggers azz

busier then a one legged man in an azz kicking contest

The villiage called, they want their idiot back.





Government doesn't fix anything and has spent trillions proving it!!!
Let's face it...After Monday and Tuesday, even the calender says WTF!

 

[NVBighorn]

LAST EDITED ON Apr-03-12 AT 10:05AM (MST)[p]I LOVE sayings!

F___d up like a soup sandwich

I'm so broke if it cost a nickel to sh_t I'd have to puke.

Hungry enough to eat the south end out of a northbound skunk

Those rocks are harder than the back of Gods head

As full of sh_t as a Christmas goose

Smashed flatter than a nuns c_nt in church

Rough as a cob

So hard a cat couldn't scratch it

Funny as a rubber crutch

Busier than a one armed paper hanger

Darker than the inside of a cow

Blacker than a Coalie's ass

Nervous as a long tailed cat in a room full of rockers

Hotter than a fresh f____d fox in a forest fire

If I was doing any better I'd have to be f___ing twins

Wish in one hand and sh_t in the other and see which one fills up faster




I will think of more faves

 

[264X300]

Dumber than a box of rocks

If my dog was that ugly, I'd shave his ass and make him walk backwards.

Slicker'n a lugy on a door knob

Slicker'n owl chit.

Funnier than a screen door on a submarine.

If you mow your grass and find four cars your might be a red.... Oh, wrong thread.

264

 

[Hardway]

If heartaches were commercials we'd all be on TV.
If it was supposed to be fun they would'nt call it work.

 

[TAGATTRACTER]

Dang, NV knows them all !

Here's one my Dad always said since we live in Phoenix.

It's hotter than two field mice F---ing in a wool sock.

Handy as a back pocket on a shirt.

 

[stanley]

"He who cuts his own wood is twice warmed"

 

[norby]

More f-ed up than a Utards checkbook.

Sweating like a Utard trying to read.



BT

 

[BigFly]

Blacker than 3 foot up a cow's ass!

Harder than the hubs of hell!

Raining so hard, sounds like a cow pissin on a flat rock!

Shakin like a puppy sh*ttin peach pits!

Her p**sy looked like a cow pie with a tire track through the middle of it!

Dumber than a bag of hammers!




Bigfly

 

[Cornhusker]

LAST EDITED ON Apr-03-12 AT 04:05PM (MST) by kilowatt (moderator)[p]So who can answer the origin of this one.

" Cold enough to freeze the balls off a brass monkey".

Hint its historical not dirty so don't nuke me.


ANSWER: Believe in England and the Brass Monkey Balls were used as DOOR KNOCKERS.

 

[feddoc]

I used one on my kid just yesterday. He asked me to buy a PS 3. (He's 12). I told him to meditate a bit and, well, maybe I would get it for him. He then asked me how to meditate, I told him to hold both hands in front of him, palms up. Then, concentrate on the left hand while envisioning a new PS3 ... then spit in the right hand and see which one fills up quicker.

Haha, it took him about half a second to catch on.

 

[coloradoman]

Girl...you are finer than frog hair split three ways.

 

[coloradoman]

If the camper is a rockin...don't come a knockin..

 

[coloradoman]

I would snort in her flanks any day!

 

[zekers]

You can't run with the pack when you piss like a pup.

Don't cut off your nose to spite your face.

 

[TDIESEL]

Colder than a polar bears toenails
slicker than a booger in a grease bucket
shines like a diamond in a goats butt
you can gold plate a turd but its still a turd
justification is like m#####*ation your only sc***ing yourself

7mm wsm 600yrd. and closer checkmate

 

[bucklover]

Freezing balls off a brass monkey has to do with cannon balls being stored on deck of a ship. When it got too cold the balls wouldn't fit properly, so they would roll off the stand they were stacked on. This stand was called a monkey. I can't remember if the brass changed or the balls changed in size and shape.

 

[IdahoSmitty]

A hot chick walked into a bar one day:

My buddy: "I'd eat a mile of her $hit just to hear her fart through a walkie talkie."

Me: ROTFLMAO



Tighter that a frogs a$$

you couldn't fight your way out of a wet paper sack

You fell out of the ugly tree and hit every branch on the way down

Not playing with a full deck

easy as pie

happy as a clam

barking up the wrong tree

close but no cigar

fly off the handle

I quit cold turkey

3 sheets to the wind

a rolling stone gathers no moss

you couldn't hit the broad side of a barn

you couldn't hit water if you fell out of a boat

When asked for a tip at a restaurant by a cute waitress: My buddy, "Tip?, I'll give you the whole thing!"

birds of a feather flock together

 

[1911]

Worthless as teats on a boar hog.

 

[NVBighorn]

Wilder than a peach orchard boar

that'll make your sticker peck up

TUCC

 

[1911]

Crazy as an outhouse rat.

Nuttier than squirrel chit.

 

[cjboz]

Hes cooler than the other side of the pillow
Handier than pockets on a pig
steeper than the back of gods head
F-ed up like a one toed man wearing a flip flop
hornier than a 2 peckered billy goat
the sun never sets on the cool
Im so broke I cant even pay attention
She said give me 10 inches and make it hurt, so i stuck it in twice and punched her in the eye
Drunker than 700 wild indians
If she had as many sticking out of her as shes had in her, she'd look like a porcupine
Hes so gay he cant even drive straight
Happier than a puppy with two peters

 

[sageadvice]

I may not be the smartest guy around but don't pee down my leg and tell me it's raining.

Joey


"It's all about knowing what your firearms practical limitations are and combining that with your own personal limitations!"

 

[BuckSnort]

If it flies floats or F___ks rent it don't buy it.

Disclaimer:
The poster does not take any responsibility for any hurt or bad feelings. Reading threads poses inherent risks. The poster would like to remind readers to make sure they have a functional sense of humor before they visit any discussion board.

 

[2buckridge]

Tighter than a frogs azz in water.
He'd fall into a bucket full of boobs and come up sucking his thumb.
fubar, farked up beyond all recognition
snafu, situation normal, all farked up
Thought thought he farted, but he shizzed his pants.
looks like she has been rode hard, and put away wet.
He/she is so ugly he/she could scare the stink off of shizz.

 

[hangingmeat]

"It's like running in the special Olympics, even if you win- your still retarded"

 

[elkantlers]

LAST EDITED ON Apr-03-12 AT 06:39PM (MST)[p]If it's got t!ts or tires, it's going to give you problems.

it takes alot of goldfish to whip a whale.

there is alot of bubbles in a bar of soap.

Don't let your meat loaf.

 

[kingfish]

LAST EDITED ON Apr-03-12 AT 06:53PM (MST)[p]If you don't like my driven get off the sidewalk

If you don't like my driven dial 1-800- eat-shiz

Im huge...In Japan

It's hard to soar with Eagles when you work with turkeys

My house is so small I have to go outside to change my mind.




Government doesn't fix anything and has spent trillions proving it!!!
Let's face it...After Monday and Tuesday, even the calender says WTF!

 

[NVBighorn]

Roys "move" over thread reminded me of this one.

Life is like a sh!t sandwich and every day is just another bite. The more bread you got the less sh!t you gotta eat.




TUCC

 

[jimmedup]

smells worse then a sh#t house on a tuna boat.

 

[ramtagless]

LAST EDITED ON Apr-03-12 AT 09:36PM (MST)[p]One I have only heard from my dad.

If you said something he did not believe. He would look at you smugly, shake is head and say...IN A PIG'S @SS.

Never fully understood that one. He was also our hardball coach and was full of baseball sayings. THAT'S a CAN CORN OF CORN!!!!

 

[bosoxfan]

If bull$hit was music, you would be a brass band

 

[Chesterwyo]

I think he'd rather hear a fat boy fart than a pretty girl sing.

 

[Cornhusker]

Correct bucklover brass an iron expand at different ratios .000019 for brass .000012 for iron. The triangle rack that held cannon balls was brass and was known as a Brass Monkey. Supposedly the cannon balls would fall off in extreme temperatures.

Sorry about that I know it was geeky and not applicable for this thread, I screwed up.

 

[nickman]

"I wouldn't have that up my azz, even if I had room for a sawmill"

"The knob done fell off your Etch-A-Sketch"

"The butter has slipped off his biscuit"

"Tall enough to stand flat footed and chit in a dump truck"

"Nuttier than squirrel chit"

"Uglier than a bucket full of mad azzholes....with hemmoriods"

I could go on and on..........

"I could eat a bowl of Alphabet Soup and
sh!t a better argument than that!"

 

[YORT40]

- You're so worthless, I should trade ya for a horse, & shoot the horse.
- Wouldn't give ya a nickel for her, & wouldn't take a million for one just like her.
- He's got more rolls than a bakery.
- He's got more chins than a chineese phone book.
- I'm hungry as a ##### wolf with 9 suckin pups.
- The only thing that helps her looks, is distance.
- I'm so broke, I can't even pay attention.
- She's such a #####, she used her personality as birth control.
- It's hot as a $100.00 whore on nickel night.
- She's been banged more than a screen door in a cyclone.
- She's seen more ceiling than Michelle Angelo.
- If he was hauling ass, he would need a semi-truck.
- The shadow of her ass alone, weighs 20 pounds.

 

[Elk_Nuts]

LAST EDITED ON Apr-04-12 AT 11:04AM (MST)[p]This steak is tougher than Chinese arithmetic.

When I was a kid, we were so poor, I had to jack off the dog just to feed the cat.

Your Pecker is so short, you piss on your balls.

If you had half a brain, it would die of loneliness.

_____________________________________
"Life's tough. It's even tougher if you're stupid."

-John Wayne

 

[HuntinFool]

Blacker than Toby's ass.
You couldn't hit your ass with both hands.

 

[KNOTFERSAIL]

Just like a sore d!ck it's hard to beat.

Sharp as a marble.

You must like your puussy on a stick.



"keep the wind in your face and the sun at your back"

 

[Jabali]

"Built like a brick s_ _t house"

and an MM original "Thanks Manny"

 

[eelgrass]

sweatin' like a Priest at a Cub Scout meeting.

Eel

 

[ShowThemToMe]

Please don't tell my Mommy I work in the Oil Patch,She thinks I'm a Piano Player in a Whore House in Fallon Nevada!




[font color=red size=redsize=18"face"]SHOW THEM TO ME![/font]
If You Love Your Country,SHOW THEM TO ME!




Hot Dog,Hot Damn,I love this Ameri-can

 

[1FastGambler]

I'm on it like a fat kid on a cupcake

Boy don't dat jus beat a hen a fartin'

he's as confused as a lesbo in fish market

That dike's been ridin' the tuna boat down the fur tradin' river way too long.

Dummy couldn't find his azz with both hands

don't let the door hit ya where the good lord split ya

drier than a popcorn fart

Her jeans are so tight I can see Lincoln smiling on the penny in her pocket

ain't playin' with a full deck

His elevator don't go all the way to the top

busier than a tomcat on a hot tin roof

Don't that just suck a fat baby's johnny

one fry short of a happy meal

that would gag a magott

madder than a mule chewin on bumblebees

Couldn't carry a tune in a bucket

Hey dummy, ya might as well try to nail jello to a tree

what's the deal pickle

she don't skinny dip, she chunky dunks

I laughed so hard a tear ran down my leg

 

[NMPaul]

Tougher than trying to stuff a wet noodle up a wild cats azz

Harder than finding fly chit in a bowl of black pepper.

Like a hobo on a ham sandwich.

You gonna fish or cut bait?

Fatter than a tick.

Smells like a French whore on nickel night

It may be short, but, its thin to.

 

[264X300]

A few more

Don't piss into the wind

It's like hurding cats

Looks like two fried eggs nailed to a tree

He/she is a half bubble off plumb

When they were passing out brains you thought they said trains and ran to catch it.

S*@t for brains

The apple didn't fall far from the tree

I spent a week there one day

Let's bury the hatchet

A bad day hunting is better than the best day at work.

Just saying

With that said... I bid adoo

 

[NVPete]

"Close only counts in horseshoes and hand grenades"
"Her face would make a freight train take a dirt road"
"Space panties: for a gal who thinks her a** is out of this world"
"She's so ugly she has to pull a blanket up over her face, so sleep will creep up on her"
"All mixed up like a dog's breakfast"
for HELL: "h-e-double toothpicks"

more of a bumper-sticker slogan, but I liked it:
"Beam me up, Scotty: there are no intelligent life forms down here!" (talking about planet earth)

 

[Holyroller]

You just cant fix stupid

Tighter than a bulls butt at fly time

Slicker than a pup's peter

 

[nebo]

LAST EDITED ON Apr-06-12 AT 06:37PM (MST)[p]Harder then a wedding d***

This land is so bad it wouldn't raise a hard on

 

[nebo]

Drier then a popcorn fart

Rained harder then a cow pissing on a flat rock

 

[NMPaul]

couple more.

Colder than a hookers heart.

dropped quicker than a prom dress.

 

[BuckSnort]

More frustrated than a queer with tonsillitis on valentines day..

Disclaimer:
The poster does not take any responsibility for any hurt or bad feelings. Reading threads poses inherent risks. The poster would like to remind readers to make sure they have a functional sense of humor before they visit any discussion board.

 

[NVBighorn]

>
>Harder then a wedding d***
>
>


Stiffer than a wedding prick


TUCC

 

[Bow6x6]

The mosquitoes were so big they could stand flat footed and f*** a turkey!

He/she could eat corn on the cob through a pickett fence. (buck toothed)

I'd eat the corn out of her s**t just to see where it came from...and I don't even like corn.

 

[justr_86]

Freeze the balls off a pool table.

 

[hangingmeat]

O-ne
B-ig
A-ss
M-istake
A-merica !

 

[Idabow]

My football coach yelled at us one time. "You guys are worse than a bunch of blind queers at a weenie roast!!"

Like a retard trying to hump a doornknob.

In reference to a nice azz... Looks like 2 puppies fighting under a blanket.

Harder than a honeymoon pecker.

Going down like the homecoming queen on prom night.

Steeper than a cow's face.

Crazier than a sh!thouse rat.

Nuttier than a holiday fruitcake.

Crazier than a stump full of pissants.

I wouln't f*** that with your d!ck if he was pushin!

I was drunker than 12 indians...

Blacker than sin.

She looks like she's been rode hard and put away wet.

They're like a bunch of drunk sheepherders on payday, they just throw their money up in the air and try to run out from under it.

I wouldn't sh!t you, you're my favorite terd!

After someone farts:
Smells like blood and burnt rubber.
or
What did that azzhole say? He's talkin sh!t behind your back.

"Suck it, terrorists," -Keith Stone

 

[Gator]

She so ugly she would have to sneek up on a mudhole to get a drink.
That kid was ugly we had to tie a porkchop around his neck so the dog would play with him.

If you argue with a fool he will drag you down to his level and beat you with experience.

"I have found if you go the extra mile it's Never crowded".
>[Font][Font color = "green"]Life member of
>the MM green signature club.[font/]

 

[marley]

Me: What have you been doing today Grandpa?

Grandpa: Not a damn thing, and I didn't even start doing that til noon and I probably won't finish today.

"that's slicker than hen sh!t on a pump handle"
"I'm so hungry I could eat the a$$ end out of a prolapsed skunk"
"I was all over that like tiny Tim on a Christmas ham"

 

[CAforkedhorn]

It's like a monkey trying to f__k a football!

 

[tx_packmule]

As retarded as a monkey trying to
>f__k a football

F'ed up like a snake under a lawn mower

Doesn't know tar from sheep "scat"

 

[Hardway]

I remember helping my dad clean up the barn when I was a kid.... I told him "why are we doing this...it's just gonna get dirty again" he said back to me "why wipe your azz if your just gonna $hit again".... Never forgot that one.

 

[Gator]

$hithouse luck

"I have found if you go the extra mile it's Never crowded".
>[Font][Font color = "green"]Life member of
>the MM green signature club.[font/]

 

[feddoc]

LAST EDITED ON Apr-11-12 AT 01:07PM (MST)[p]Whilst in bootcamp, a few years ago, I was assigned office duties during my non-training hours. The senior enlisted guy was (then) a Senior Chief who was, well, kinda gruff. He asked for a cup of coffee. As I was bringing it back to him, my fingers lingered a bit too long on the rim and he told me to get my '##### (penis) skinners' off his coffee cup. Then he made me do 100 pushups.



Wife, boy and I went out to eat last night at Black Bear restraunt.

As the waitress was brining my glass of raspberry iced tea, yup, you guessed it...her fingers lingered a bit too long on the rim of my glass and, I swear, those words came fling out of my mouth quicker than my wife could kick me.

At least she didn't have to do the pushups.