Share a Hunting Joke .......

Founder

Founder

Founder Since 1999
Messages
11,473
Let's hear some funny hunting jokes. Anyone have any to share? Keep them fairly clean please.

In a couple weeks I randomly select 3 people who share a hunting joke and send you a DVD.

Let's hear some. There's got to be some funny ones.

Brian Latturner
MonsterMuleys.com
 
LAST EDITED ON Aug-03-13 AT 01:44PM (MST)[p]FUR PRICES SET TO SKY ROCKET

The latest Hip Hop accessory, just in time for 2013 pimpen season.

It don't matter if you are headed out to Obama's third inauguration, or just down to the corner to sling some crack. Don't get caught with out your Coyote shoulder throw.

This is the must have accessory for the 2013 pimpen and crack slingen season.

boxhorn093.jpg
 
Hey Founder, tell us about the time you got mule kicked....lol

horsepoop.gif


Disclaimer:
The poster does not take any responsibility for any hurt or bad feelings. Reading threads poses inherent risks. The poster would like to remind readers to make sure they have a functional sense of humor before they visit any discussion board.
 
This has always been one of my favorites by Foxworthy. The video quality sucks but its all about the audio anyway.

 
A man shoots a nice mule deer buck and decides to first cook the tenderloins at home for dinner.

Both he and his wife decide that they won't tell the kids what kind of meat it is, but will give them a clue and let them guess.

The kids were eager to know what the meat was on their plates, so they begged their dad for the clue.

Well, he said, "It's what mommy calls me sometimes."

The little girl screams to her brother, "Don't eat it, it's an A$$#@/?!"
 
LAST EDITED ON Aug-03-13 AT 05:34PM (MST)[p]A guy and his wife drew the first elk tags they'd ever had and headed out before daylight for opening morning. As it was getting daylight they decided to separate for awhile so they could cover more ground. It wasn't very long and the guy heard her shoot, so he headed her way hoping she got a good cow on her tag. As he got closer he saw her and a guy standing nearby and she was screaming her lungs out at the guy to leave her elk alone, as it was hers. As the husband got closer she hollered for him to hurry because a guy was stealing her elk. As he got over there the cowboy told them both to calm down as all he wanted was his bridle and saddle back!
 
A woman is in bed with her husband's best friend when the phone rings. Since it is the woman's house, she picks up the receiver. Her lover looks over at her and listens, only hearing her side of the conversation...

She is speaking in a cheery voice and says, "Hello? Oh, hi. I'm so glad that you called. Really? That's wonderful. I am so happy for you. that sounds terrific. Great! Thanks. Okay. Bye bye."

She hangs up the telephone and her lover asks, "Who was that?"

"Oh" she replies, "that was my husband telling me all about the wonderful time he's having on his deer hunting trip with you."

Eel
 
A big-game hunter went on safari with his wife and mother-in-law. One evening, while still deep in the jungle, the Mrs awoke to find her mother gone. Rushing to her husband, she insisted on them both trying to find her mother.
The hunter picked up his rifle, took a swig of whiskey, and started to look for her.

In a clearing not far from the camp, they came upon a hilling sight: the mother-in-law was backed up against a thick, impenetrable bush, and a large male lion stood facing her.

The wife cried, "What are we going to do?"

"Nothing," said the hunter husband. "The lion got himself into this mess, let him get himself out of it."










Q: Whats the difference between a hunter and a fisherman?
A: A hunter lies in wait. A fisherman waits and lies.
 
True Story,
On a cold elk hunt in a tent one guy takes off his shoes and they stink so bad everyone else tells him to put them outside.

In the middle of the night another guy gets up to pee and just open's the flap to whizz, hitting the boots.

In the morning first guy puts his boots on and pronounces, "Damn there must be a lot of dew out there this morning, cause my boots are soaking wet!"
 
So, 4 guys go deer hunting.

In the morning, they split up by two's and leave camp.

Late in the afternoon, 2 of the hunters, already back in camp, see one of the guys dragging a REALLY nice buck into camp.
They congratulate the hunter and then ask, "Where's Bob?"

The guy explains that Bob got so excited when he saw the deer, he had a heart attack and just died.

"Where is he ?", they ask.

"Well, I left him back down the trail, propped up under a tree in the shade."

"Why the Hell would you leave Bob and drag that deer all the way back here?"

The guy replies, "Well, it was either bring back Bob or bring back the deer and I didn't figure anybody would steal Bob!"

"Being an idiot is NOT an art form. Give it up!"
 
I was hunting one time and saw two coyotes. They were standing on each side of a big rock. I only had one shell.

I decided to shoot the rock. It broke in two, and it killed both coyotes.

The gun kicked so hard it knocked me in a pond, and my pants filled up with trout. There were so many trout. It snapped my suspenders off, and they killed two geese.
 
A rancher hears a shot and walks over to find a city dude has dropped a good buck well inside his fence line. He explains to the man that he has trespassed on private property and will have to leave, but the dude becomes belligerent and abusive. Finally, the rancher suggests a solution--they will take turns kicking one another in the nuts until one or the other gives in, and he, the rancher, will kick first. Eyeballing his buck, the hunter reluctantly agrees and braces himself for a solid kick that sends him rolling on the ground. After a good five minutes he staggers to his feet and says "OK, my turn", to which the rancher chuckles and replies "What the hell would I want with a dead buck?"
 
This really happened to me. A friend and I were seinging for minnows in a creek after a rain, and the creek was really muddy so you couldn't see the bottom. We were moving upstream and suddenly in front of us we could see a ripple caused by something big under water coming toward us. We braced when it got close, but it was so big and powerful that it just broke through the net. Well we didn't want to be in the water with anything that powerful so we climbed out on the bank and watched it head down stream. When it was a couple of hundred yards from us, it climbed out on the bank. We grabbed our rifles and started walking towards it to see what it was. When we were 1/2 way there it climbed up into a tree. But we never did see what it was, because before we could get there, it flew away!

txhunter58

venor, ergo sum (I hunt, therefore I am)
 
LAST EDITED ON Aug-04-13 AT 09:56AM (MST)[p]Two Pollack brothers decided they wanted to try some big game hunting. They parked the truck and took off hiking. After a couple of hours, they spotted a huge nontypical buck and were able to kill it. They began to drag him back towards the truck by the hind legs. Of course, the huge rack kept hanging up on all the brush and deadfall, making the drag almost impossible.

Soon, they encountered another hunter. He complimented them on their fine buck, and they told him what a pain in the rear it was trying to drag him back to the truck. The hunter suggested they try dragging him by the antlers instead of the hind legs, and went on to do his own hunting.

The brothers decided to try the other hunter's suggestion. After dragging the buck a short distance, the older one said to his brother "You know, that guy was right! I can't believe how much easier it is to drag this buck by his antlers!"

To which his brother replied " I agree, but how are we ever going to get back to the truck going this way??"
 
His and Hers Diary entries

Hers, Oct 27th 2012

Saturday night and he was acting weird. We'd made plans to meet for dinner. I'd spent the day shopping with a friend while he was out hunting. I thought he'd be upset because I was a little late, but he made no comment.

Conversation didnt seem to be flowing so I asked if he was upset with me. He said he was fine but kept quiet the entire dinner.

On the way home I told him I loved him. He just smiled slightly and nodded but made no response. He seemed very distant. I can't explain his behavior.

By the time we got home I felt like I had lost him. He sat quietly watching TV not acknowledging much else. I was tired and went to bed. He followed shortly and to my surprise responded to my caresses and kissing and we made love. He seemed like his mind was still somewhere else. He rolled over and drifted to sleep. I cried till I finally drifted off. I feel I have lost him, my life is a disaster!


His -Oct 27th 2012

I missed was what was possibly a 200" buck today. I'm not sure if the scope is off or if I just pulled the shot.

At least I got laid.
 
This really is a true story:

Founder and Rugarm77 went Bear hunting last year. As they were driving they came to a fork in the road. There was a sign that said "bear left", so they went home.

Eel
 
Flounder and elkass got a pilot to fly them into the far north for elk hunting. They were quite successful in their venture, and bagged two big bulls. The pilot came back as arranged to pick them up.

They started loading their gear into the plane, including the two elk. But the pilot objected he said, "The plane can take out only one of your elk. You will have to leave one behind."

Elkass pushed forward, "Hey, last year our pilot let us take out two elk. It was the same model plane, same weather conditions, and everything. What's with this? We want you to allow us to fly out just like last year.

Reluctantly the pilot finally permitted them to put both elk aboard and the men all climbed in with their gear. But when they attempted to take off and fly out of the valley, the little plane could not make it. They crashed in the wilderness.

Climbing out of the wreckage, flounder said to elkass, "Do you know where we are?"

"I think so," replied elkass. "about 200 yards from where we crashed last year!"
 
JB informed his hunting buddies, Elkass,NVB and Stinky, that he wouldn't be able to hunt elk this year. Times were tough and the dear wife had put a firm kibosh on the trip.

JB showed up in elk camp late in the evening before opening day. Everyone was thrilled.

?How did you manage to pull this off,? his friends wanted to know.

?Well,? said JB. ?I was sulking around the house feeling really low and my wife finally took notice. She disappeared into the bedroom. Then waltzed out a few minutes later wearing the smallest negligee I've ever seen. Then she explained that she felt bad that I couldn't go elk hunting and suggested that I tie her up and do anything I wanted.?

?I ran for a rope and here I am!?
 
The following morning JB's wife goes to the local gun shop. ?I'm here for a gun for my husband,? she says. ?We?ve got plenty of choice,? says the shopkeeper. ?What gauge did he ask you to get?? ?He didn't,? replies the woman. ?He doesn't even know I'm going to shoot him.?........ Terry
 
A professor at University of Mississippi was giving a lecture on "Involuntary Muscular Contractions" to his first year medical students.
Realizing this was not the most riveting subject, the professor decided to lighten the mood slightly.
He pointed to a young woman in the front row and said, "Do you know what your ass hole is doing while you're having an orgasm?"
She replied, "Probably deer hunting with his buddies."
 
A man invites a friend to watch his prize duck hunting dog at work.

They approach the first pond, the dog runs ahead into the brush. He comes back and waves his tail once. The owner tells his friend that this means there is one duck on the pond. They walk up, and sure enough, one duck flies off.

At the second pond, the dog waves his tail three times. The owner explains that this means there are three ducks on the pond. When they walk up, exactly three ducks take flight.

At the third pond, the dog runs back and forth, humping the hunters' legs and chasing his tail. The friend asks what in the world this means. The owner explains, "This means there are so many f**king ducks on that pond, he can't even count them."
 
LAST EDITED ON Aug-05-13 AT 12:46PM (MST)[p]Last year on a Utah general unit I saw a mature buck and the mature buck to doe ratio was 10-1.

Or

Don Peay said there are now too many conservation tags in Utah and he would like to give a few back.
 
Not a true story:

Don Peay said there are now too many conservation tags in Utah and he would like to give a few back.

LOL



"I have found if you go the extra mile it's Never crowded".
>[Font][Font color = "green"]Life member of
>the MM green signature club.[font/]
 
A man pays:

$40 grand for a dodge cummins truck.
$1500 for a 1000 yard gun.
$500 for a leapold scope.
$10, 000 for a side by side wheeler
$20 grand for a fith wheel
$ takes time off work

Then buys a utah general deer tag

avatar_2528.jpg


who farted?
 
A woman from Las Angeles, who is a tree hugging, liberal Democrat and a out spoken anti-hunter, purchased a piece of timberland near Colville,WA.

There was a large tree on one of the high points in the tract. She wanted a good view of the natural slender of her land,so she started to climb the big tree.

As she neared the top, she encountered a spotted owl, that attacked her. In her haste to escape, the lady slid down the tree to the ground and got many splinters in her crotch.

In terrible pain, she hurried to the local ER to see a doctor. She told him she was a environmentalist, a Democrat, andan totally anti-hunter. As well as the story of how she came to get all the splinters. The doctor listened to her story and then told her to go wait in the examination room and he would see if he could help her.

She sat and waited five hours before the doctor finally reappeared.

The angry woman demanded,"what took you so long?"

He smiled and then explained." Well, I had to get permits from the Environmental Protection Agency, the Forest Service, and the Bureau of Land Management before l could remove old-growth timber from a' recreational area' so close to a Waste Treatment Facility.

I'm sorry, but due to Obama-care they turned you down.
 
Good stuff!!!! Several of those had chuckling pretty good. Thanks guys!!!!

I randomly pick 3 names..... nontypical, TOPGUN, & nickman. Send me a PM with your addresses and I'll send you a DVD.

Thanks!!!!!

Brian Latturner
MonsterMuleys.com
 
>I figured it was a joke
>when you said I won(because
>I never win stuff or
>draw tags!)!! Thanks, Brian.


Same here! Thanks Brian!!!
 
A husband and wife were eating dinner when the wife says,
?If I died and you remarried, would you stay in this house??

The husband says,
?Well it's a very nice house and it's nearly paid for,
so I guess I would stay here.?

Then the wife says,
?If I died and you remarried, would your new wife drive my car??

The husband replies,
?Well it's an excellent car and gets great mileage, so I guess she would drive your car.?

Next the wife says,
?If I died and you remarried, would she shoot that new
Remington you bought me??

The husband says,
?Why no dear, she's left handed.?
 
A husband and wife were eating dinner when the wife says,
?If I died and you remarried, would you stay in this house??

The husband says,
?Well it's a very nice house and it's nearly paid for,
so I guess we would live here.?

Then the wife says,
?If I died and you remarried, would your new wife drive my car??

The husband replies,
?Well it's an excellent car and gets great mileage, so I guess she would drive your car.?

Next the wife says,
?If I died and you remarried, would she shoot that new
Remington you bought me??

The husband says,
?Why no dear, she's left handed.?
 
I was walking down the street when I was accosted by a particularly dirty and shabby-looking homeless man who asked me for a couple of dollars for dinner.

I took out my wallet, extracted ten dollars and asked,"If I give you this money, will you buy some beer with it instead of dinner?"

"No, I had to stop drinking years ago," the homeless man replied.

"Will you use it to go fishing instead of buying food?" I asked.

"No, I don't waste time fishing," the homeless man said.."I need to spend all my time trying to stay alive."

"Will you spend this on hunting equipment?" I asked.

"Are you NUTS!" replied the homeless man. "I haven't gone hunting in 20 years!"

"Well," I said, "I'm not going to give you money. Instead, I'm going to take you home for a shower and a terrific dinner cooked by my wife."

The homeless man was astounded. "Won't your wife be furious with you for doing that?

I replied, "Don't worry about that. It's important for her to see what a man looks like after he has given up drinking, fishing and hunting."
 
halfassed......Now that is some funny Chit......I'll send you my DVD!

"If you get upset or offended by ANY website forum
post.....especially mine, you need serious
intervention!"
 
Now that is a good one right there.

"I have found if you go the extra mile it's Never crowded".
>[Font][Font color = "green"]Life member of
>the MM green signature club.[font/]
 
Old People



There was a bit of confusion at the Bass Pro Sporting Goods store this week. When I was ready to pay for my purchases for gun powder and bullets the cashier said, "Strip down, facing me."



Making a mental note to complain to the NRA about the gun control whackos running amok, I did just as she had instructed. After the hysterical shrieking and alarms finally subsided, I found out that she was referring to how to enter my credit card in the reader.



I have been asked to shop elsewhere in the future. They need to make their instructions to us seniors a little clearer!


I STILL DON'T THINK I LOOKED THAT BAD.
 
LMAO that one was pretty good too.

"I have found if you go the extra mile it's Never crowded".
>[Font][Font color = "green"]Life member of
>the MM green signature club.[font/]
 

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