BeanMan
Long Time Member
- Messages
- 6,938
Don't know how true they are but I always enjoy them.
The Prestigious Darwin Awards...
Darwin Awards
It is time again for the prestigious Darwin Awards...
They are finally out again - some old - some new. It's an annual
honor given to the person who did the gene pool the biggest service by
killing themselves in the most extraordinarily stupid way. Last year's
winner
was the fellow who was killed by a Coke machine which toppled over
on top of him as he was attempting to tip a free soda out of it.
And the nominees this year in reverse order are:
7. A young Canadian man, searching for a way of getting drunk
cheaply,
because he had no money with which to buy alcohol, mixed gasoline
with milk. Not surprisingly, this concoction made him ill, and he
vomited into the fireplace in his house. This resulting explosion and fire
burned his house down, killing both him and his sister.
6. A 34-year-old white male found dead in the basement of his home
died of suffocation, according to police. He was approximately 6' 2"
tall and weighed 225 pounds. He was wearing a pleated skirt, white bra,
black and white saddle shoes, and a woman's wig. It appeared that
he was trying to create a schoolgirl's uniform look. He was also
wearing a military gas mask that had the filter canister removed and a
rubber hose attached in its place. The other end of the hose was
connected to one end of a hollow tube approx. 12" long and 3" in diameter. The
tube's other end was inserted into his rectum for reasons unknown,
and as the cause of his suffocation. Police found the task of
explaining the circumstances of his death to his family very awkward.
5. Three Brazilian men were flying in a light aircraft at low
altitude when another plane approached. It appears that they decided to
moon the occupants of the other plane, but lost control of their own
aircraft and crashed. They were all found dead in the wreckage with their
pants around their ankles.
4. A 22-year-old, Glade Drive, Reston, VA, man was found dead
after he tried to use octopus straps to bungee jump off a 70 foot railroad
trestle. FairfaxCountypolice said Eric Barcia, a fast-food worker,
taped a bunch of these straps together, wrapped one end around one
foot, anchored the other end to the trestle at LakeAccotinkPark,
jumped and hit the pavement. Warren Carmichael, a police
spokesman, said investigators think Barcia was alone because his car was
found nearby. "The length of the cord that he assembled was greater
than the distance between the trestle and the ground" Carmichaelsaid.
Police say the apparent cause of death was "Major trauma."
3. A man in Alabamadied from rattlesnake bites. It seems that he
and a friend were playing a game of catch, using the rattlesnake as a
ball. The friend, no doubt a future Darwin Awards candidate, was
hospitalized.
2. Employees in a medium sized warehouse in west Texasnoticed the
smell of a gas leak. Sensibly, management evacuated the building,
extinguishing all potential sources of ignition; lights, power, etc.
After the building had been evacuated, two technicians from the
gas company were dispatched. Upon entering the building, they found
they had difficulty navigating in the dark. To their frustration, none
of the lights worked. Witnesses later described the sight of one of
the technicians reaching into his pocket and retrieving an object that
resembled a cigarette lighter. Upon operation of the lighter-like
object, the gas in the warehouse exploded, sending pieces of it up
to three miles away. Nothing was found of the technicians, but the
lighter was virtually untouched by the explosion. The technician suspected
of causing the blast had never been thought of as 'bright' by his
peers.
AND THE WINNER.....
1. Based on a bet by the other members of his threesome, Everitt
Sanchez tried to wash his own "balls" in a ball washer at the local
golf course. Proving once again that beer and testosterone are a
bad mix, Sanchez managed to straddle the ball washer and dangle his
scrotum in the machine. Much to his dismay, one of his buddies upped the
ante by spinning the crank on the machine with Sanchez's scrotum in
place, thus wedging them solidly in the mechanism. Sanchez, who
immediately passed his threshold of pain, collapsed and tumbled from his
perch. Unfortunately for Sanchez, the height of the ball washer was more
than a foot higher off the ground than his testicles are in a normal
stance, and the scrotum was the weakest link. Sanchez's scrotum was ripped
open during the fall, and one testicle was plucked from him forever and
compressed and flattened the other as it was pulled between the housing of the washer,
and the rotating machinery inside. To add insult to injury, Sanchez
broke a new $300.00 driver that he had just purchased from the pro shop,
and was using to balance himself. Sanchez was rushed to the hospital
for surgery, and the remaining threesome was asked to leave the
course. NB: This last one wouldn't normally count, because the idiot
didn't die. But because he cannot reproduce as a result of his qualifying
act of stupidity, we have allowed it.
Cheers,
BeanMan
The Prestigious Darwin Awards...
Darwin Awards
It is time again for the prestigious Darwin Awards...
They are finally out again - some old - some new. It's an annual
honor given to the person who did the gene pool the biggest service by
killing themselves in the most extraordinarily stupid way. Last year's
winner
was the fellow who was killed by a Coke machine which toppled over
on top of him as he was attempting to tip a free soda out of it.
And the nominees this year in reverse order are:
7. A young Canadian man, searching for a way of getting drunk
cheaply,
because he had no money with which to buy alcohol, mixed gasoline
with milk. Not surprisingly, this concoction made him ill, and he
vomited into the fireplace in his house. This resulting explosion and fire
burned his house down, killing both him and his sister.
6. A 34-year-old white male found dead in the basement of his home
died of suffocation, according to police. He was approximately 6' 2"
tall and weighed 225 pounds. He was wearing a pleated skirt, white bra,
black and white saddle shoes, and a woman's wig. It appeared that
he was trying to create a schoolgirl's uniform look. He was also
wearing a military gas mask that had the filter canister removed and a
rubber hose attached in its place. The other end of the hose was
connected to one end of a hollow tube approx. 12" long and 3" in diameter. The
tube's other end was inserted into his rectum for reasons unknown,
and as the cause of his suffocation. Police found the task of
explaining the circumstances of his death to his family very awkward.
5. Three Brazilian men were flying in a light aircraft at low
altitude when another plane approached. It appears that they decided to
moon the occupants of the other plane, but lost control of their own
aircraft and crashed. They were all found dead in the wreckage with their
pants around their ankles.
4. A 22-year-old, Glade Drive, Reston, VA, man was found dead
after he tried to use octopus straps to bungee jump off a 70 foot railroad
trestle. FairfaxCountypolice said Eric Barcia, a fast-food worker,
taped a bunch of these straps together, wrapped one end around one
foot, anchored the other end to the trestle at LakeAccotinkPark,
jumped and hit the pavement. Warren Carmichael, a police
spokesman, said investigators think Barcia was alone because his car was
found nearby. "The length of the cord that he assembled was greater
than the distance between the trestle and the ground" Carmichaelsaid.
Police say the apparent cause of death was "Major trauma."
3. A man in Alabamadied from rattlesnake bites. It seems that he
and a friend were playing a game of catch, using the rattlesnake as a
ball. The friend, no doubt a future Darwin Awards candidate, was
hospitalized.
2. Employees in a medium sized warehouse in west Texasnoticed the
smell of a gas leak. Sensibly, management evacuated the building,
extinguishing all potential sources of ignition; lights, power, etc.
After the building had been evacuated, two technicians from the
gas company were dispatched. Upon entering the building, they found
they had difficulty navigating in the dark. To their frustration, none
of the lights worked. Witnesses later described the sight of one of
the technicians reaching into his pocket and retrieving an object that
resembled a cigarette lighter. Upon operation of the lighter-like
object, the gas in the warehouse exploded, sending pieces of it up
to three miles away. Nothing was found of the technicians, but the
lighter was virtually untouched by the explosion. The technician suspected
of causing the blast had never been thought of as 'bright' by his
peers.
AND THE WINNER.....
1. Based on a bet by the other members of his threesome, Everitt
Sanchez tried to wash his own "balls" in a ball washer at the local
golf course. Proving once again that beer and testosterone are a
bad mix, Sanchez managed to straddle the ball washer and dangle his
scrotum in the machine. Much to his dismay, one of his buddies upped the
ante by spinning the crank on the machine with Sanchez's scrotum in
place, thus wedging them solidly in the mechanism. Sanchez, who
immediately passed his threshold of pain, collapsed and tumbled from his
perch. Unfortunately for Sanchez, the height of the ball washer was more
than a foot higher off the ground than his testicles are in a normal
stance, and the scrotum was the weakest link. Sanchez's scrotum was ripped
open during the fall, and one testicle was plucked from him forever and
compressed and flattened the other as it was pulled between the housing of the washer,
and the rotating machinery inside. To add insult to injury, Sanchez
broke a new $300.00 driver that he had just purchased from the pro shop,
and was using to balance himself. Sanchez was rushed to the hospital
for surgery, and the remaining threesome was asked to leave the
course. NB: This last one wouldn't normally count, because the idiot
didn't die. But because he cannot reproduce as a result of his qualifying
act of stupidity, we have allowed it.
Cheers,
BeanMan
