> Don't try this.
>
> STUN GUN (Only a guy would do this!)
> >
> > Pocket Taser Stun Gun, a great gift for the wife. A guy
> > who purchased his lovely wife a pocket Taser for their
> > anniversary submitted this:
> >
> > Last weekend I saw something at Larry's Pistol & Pawn
> > Shop that sparked my interest. The occasion was our 15th
> > anniversary and I was looking for a little something extra for my wife Julie.
> > What I came
> > ; across was a 100,000-volt, pocket/purse-sized taser. The
> > effects of the
> > taser were supposed to be short lived, with no long-term
> > adverse affect
> > on your assailant, allowing her adequate time to retreat
> > to safety....
> >
> > WAY TOO COOL! Long story short, I bought the device and
> > brought it home. I loaded two triple-a batteries in the
> > darn thing and
> > pushed the button. Nothing!
> >
> > I was disappointed. I learned, however, that if I pushed
> > the
> > button AND pressed it aga inst a metal surface at the
> > same time; I'd
> > get the blue arch of electricity darting back and forth
> > between the
> > prongs. AWESOME!!!
> >
> > Unfortunately, I have yet to explain to Julie what that
> > burn
> > spot is on the face of her microwave. Okay, so I was
> > home alone with
> > this new toy, thinking to myself that it couldn't be all
> > that bad with
> > only two triple-a batteries right?!!
> >
> > There I sat in my recliner, my cat Gracie looking on
> > intently
> > (trusting little soul) while I was reading the
> > directions and thinking
> > that I really n eeded to try this thing out on a flesh &
> > blood moving
> > target.
> >
> > I must admit I thought about zapping Gracie (for a
> > fraction of a
> > second) and thought better of it. She is such a sweet
> > cat. But, if I
> > was going to give this thing to my wife to protect
> > herself against a
> > mugger, I did want some assurance that it would work as
> > advertised. Am
> > I wrong?
> >
> > So, there I sat in a pair of shorts and a tank top with
> > my
> > read ing glasses perched delicately on the bridge of my
> > nose, directions
> > in one hand, and taser in another. The directions said
> > that a
> > one-s econd burst would shock and disorient your
> > assailant; a
> > two-second burst was supposed to cause muscle spasms and
> > a major loss of
> > bodily control; a three-second burst would purportedly
> > make your
> > assailant flop on the ground like a fish out of water.
> > Any burst longer
> > than three seconds would be wasting the batteries.
> >
> > All the while I'm looking at this little device
> > measuring about
> > 5" long, less than 3/4 inch in circumference; pretty
> > cute really and
> > loaded with two itsy, bitsy triple-a batteries) thinking
> > to myself, "no
> > possible way!"
> >
> > What happened next is almost beyond description, but
> > I'll do my
> > best... I'm sitting there alone, Gracie looking on with
> > her head cocked
> > to one side as to say, "don't do it master," reasoning
> > that a one-second
> > burst from such a tiny little ole thing couldn't hurt
> > all that ba d.. I
> > decided to give myself a one-second burst just for the
> > heck of it. I
> > touched the prongs to my naked thigh, pushed the button,
> > and HOLY MOTHER
> > OF GOD, WEAPONS OF MASS _DESTRUCTION!@$$!%_
> >
> > I'm pretty sure Jessie Ventura ran in through the side
> > door,
> > picked me up in the recliner, then body slammed us both
> > on the carpet,
> > over and over and over again. I vaguely recall waking up
> > on my side in
> > the fetal position, with tears in my eyes, body soaking
> > wet, both
> > nipples on fire, testicles nowhere to be found, with my
> > left arm tucke d
> > under my body in the oddest position, and tingling in my
> > legs. The cat
> > was standing over me making meowing sounds I had never
> > heard before,
> > licking my face, undoubtedly thinking to herself, "do it
> > again, do it
> > agai n!"
> >
> > Note: If you ever feel compelled to "mug" yourself with
> > a
> > taser, one note of caution: there is no such thing as a
> > one-second burst
> > when you zap yourself. You will not let go of that thing
> > unt il it is
> > dislodged from your hand by a violent thrashing about on
> > the floor. A
> > three second burst would be considered conservative.
> >
> > SON-OF-A-... that hurt like hell!!! A minute or so later
> > (I
> > can't be sure, as time was a relative thing at that
> > point), collected my
> > wits(what little I had left), sat up and surveyed the
> > landscape. My
> > bent reading glasses were on the mantel of the
> > fireplace. How did they
> > get up there??? My triceps, right thigh and both nipples
> > w ere still
> > twitching. My face felt like it had been shot up with
> > Novocain, and my
> > bottom lip weighed 88 lbs. I'm still loo king for my
> > testicles? I'm
> > offering a significant reward for their safe return.
> > Still in shock.
> >
> > P.S. My wife loved the gift, and now regularly threatens
> > me
> > with it!
>
> STUN GUN (Only a guy would do this!)
> >
> > Pocket Taser Stun Gun, a great gift for the wife. A guy
> > who purchased his lovely wife a pocket Taser for their
> > anniversary submitted this:
> >
> > Last weekend I saw something at Larry's Pistol & Pawn
> > Shop that sparked my interest. The occasion was our 15th
> > anniversary and I was looking for a little something extra for my wife Julie.
> > What I came
> > ; across was a 100,000-volt, pocket/purse-sized taser. The
> > effects of the
> > taser were supposed to be short lived, with no long-term
> > adverse affect
> > on your assailant, allowing her adequate time to retreat
> > to safety....
> >
> > WAY TOO COOL! Long story short, I bought the device and
> > brought it home. I loaded two triple-a batteries in the
> > darn thing and
> > pushed the button. Nothing!
> >
> > I was disappointed. I learned, however, that if I pushed
> > the
> > button AND pressed it aga inst a metal surface at the
> > same time; I'd
> > get the blue arch of electricity darting back and forth
> > between the
> > prongs. AWESOME!!!
> >
> > Unfortunately, I have yet to explain to Julie what that
> > burn
> > spot is on the face of her microwave. Okay, so I was
> > home alone with
> > this new toy, thinking to myself that it couldn't be all
> > that bad with
> > only two triple-a batteries right?!!
> >
> > There I sat in my recliner, my cat Gracie looking on
> > intently
> > (trusting little soul) while I was reading the
> > directions and thinking
> > that I really n eeded to try this thing out on a flesh &
> > blood moving
> > target.
> >
> > I must admit I thought about zapping Gracie (for a
> > fraction of a
> > second) and thought better of it. She is such a sweet
> > cat. But, if I
> > was going to give this thing to my wife to protect
> > herself against a
> > mugger, I did want some assurance that it would work as
> > advertised. Am
> > I wrong?
> >
> > So, there I sat in a pair of shorts and a tank top with
> > my
> > read ing glasses perched delicately on the bridge of my
> > nose, directions
> > in one hand, and taser in another. The directions said
> > that a
> > one-s econd burst would shock and disorient your
> > assailant; a
> > two-second burst was supposed to cause muscle spasms and
> > a major loss of
> > bodily control; a three-second burst would purportedly
> > make your
> > assailant flop on the ground like a fish out of water.
> > Any burst longer
> > than three seconds would be wasting the batteries.
> >
> > All the while I'm looking at this little device
> > measuring about
> > 5" long, less than 3/4 inch in circumference; pretty
> > cute really and
> > loaded with two itsy, bitsy triple-a batteries) thinking
> > to myself, "no
> > possible way!"
> >
> > What happened next is almost beyond description, but
> > I'll do my
> > best... I'm sitting there alone, Gracie looking on with
> > her head cocked
> > to one side as to say, "don't do it master," reasoning
> > that a one-second
> > burst from such a tiny little ole thing couldn't hurt
> > all that ba d.. I
> > decided to give myself a one-second burst just for the
> > heck of it. I
> > touched the prongs to my naked thigh, pushed the button,
> > and HOLY MOTHER
> > OF GOD, WEAPONS OF MASS _DESTRUCTION!@$$!%_
> >
> > I'm pretty sure Jessie Ventura ran in through the side
> > door,
> > picked me up in the recliner, then body slammed us both
> > on the carpet,
> > over and over and over again. I vaguely recall waking up
> > on my side in
> > the fetal position, with tears in my eyes, body soaking
> > wet, both
> > nipples on fire, testicles nowhere to be found, with my
> > left arm tucke d
> > under my body in the oddest position, and tingling in my
> > legs. The cat
> > was standing over me making meowing sounds I had never
> > heard before,
> > licking my face, undoubtedly thinking to herself, "do it
> > again, do it
> > agai n!"
> >
> > Note: If you ever feel compelled to "mug" yourself with
> > a
> > taser, one note of caution: there is no such thing as a
> > one-second burst
> > when you zap yourself. You will not let go of that thing
> > unt il it is
> > dislodged from your hand by a violent thrashing about on
> > the floor. A
> > three second burst would be considered conservative.
> >
> > SON-OF-A-... that hurt like hell!!! A minute or so later
> > (I
> > can't be sure, as time was a relative thing at that
> > point), collected my
> > wits(what little I had left), sat up and surveyed the
> > landscape. My
> > bent reading glasses were on the mantel of the
> > fireplace. How did they
> > get up there??? My triceps, right thigh and both nipples
> > w ere still
> > twitching. My face felt like it had been shot up with
> > Novocain, and my
> > bottom lip weighed 88 lbs. I'm still loo king for my
> > testicles? I'm
> > offering a significant reward for their safe return.
> > Still in shock.
> >
> > P.S. My wife loved the gift, and now regularly threatens
> > me
> > with it!
