DeerMadness
Long Time Member
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From my nephews friend-
Well something horrible almost happend. Something so outrageous it forced me to pull over and write about it so I can share with all.
So I'm on my way back from glenallen. Was down there doing a job fair, kissing hands shakin babies. The usual. Any way I finish the job fair and it's a little chili out so I put my brand new bad ass cardigan on. And I know what your thinking, bad ass? Cardigan? In the same sentence? Trust me, I wrote it and am equally shocked. It really is though, you see?Taylon Nelson?got it for me and it has big foot all over it. It's beautiful. Will Ferrell himself called me crying with jealousy. Anyway, I put on the cardigan and jump into my company rig which just so happens to be a very humble, suttle, plain white Yukon. Total mom car. This story is getting good right? Anyway before I took of with my cardigan an Yukon, clearly looking like a liberal GSA member I do what anyone does before a solo road trip, I plug in my phone an kick on Pandora. Ofcourse the station of choice is seether, but after a while you start to drone out an play through the stations, getting weirder an weirder because no one is around to judge you. We all know Pandora gets carried away enough on its own, little lone with the help of some douche bag driving a Yukon an wearing a cardigan. As I'm driving down the road I begin to ignore the radio and pay attention to more pressing matters like driving in a blizzard or re situating "the boys" come on guys, you know what I'm talking about. A hot car...Leather....things get mixed up and ya gotta do some relocating. It has to be done. Well by the time I make this decision in in between Paxon an glenallen, where all those sneaky ass frost heaves hide. Of course I'm hauling ass, the Yukon cruises nicely, plus the straight aways will get away from anyone, let's be honest. So I set the cruise control in the ole mom car so the legs can be freed, hike up the glorious cardigan, and shuv my hand wrist deep in my pants to begin putting things at ease....at this very moment...every bad decision I had made in that entire 3 minutes caught up with me....a justin bieber song came on....I don't give a ##### how focused or pre occupied you are when ##### like that happens the world comes to a screaching hault and you immedietly change the song to anything else. Literally anything, gospel radio if you have to, but I can't...I'm traveling at to high of a speed, the car is accelerating on its own...my hand is mysteriously stuck do to the struggle and to add insult to injury I have now slammed a hidden frost heave at about 70 mph and I am now airborn. Time stood still. I may have even screamed. And that's when it happend. I had an out of body expierence an realized that this may be it...I'm going to die in a car accident an be found with my hand down my pants, wearing a cardigan, driving a mom car an apparently rockin out to some Justin bieber. That freak show Bruce Jenner would have even looked down his nose at me with disappointment during that moment. But apparently God loves me and allows me to make it through the situation in scathed...so what did we learn from this? Many things, for instance, listen to an iPod, slow down a little bit. And for the love of god drive in sweat pants so your hand doesn't get stuck. All valuable life lessons I think. I hope you all feel just as educated as me.
Have a good night an Drive safe the roads are slick
Well something horrible almost happend. Something so outrageous it forced me to pull over and write about it so I can share with all.
So I'm on my way back from glenallen. Was down there doing a job fair, kissing hands shakin babies. The usual. Any way I finish the job fair and it's a little chili out so I put my brand new bad ass cardigan on. And I know what your thinking, bad ass? Cardigan? In the same sentence? Trust me, I wrote it and am equally shocked. It really is though, you see?Taylon Nelson?got it for me and it has big foot all over it. It's beautiful. Will Ferrell himself called me crying with jealousy. Anyway, I put on the cardigan and jump into my company rig which just so happens to be a very humble, suttle, plain white Yukon. Total mom car. This story is getting good right? Anyway before I took of with my cardigan an Yukon, clearly looking like a liberal GSA member I do what anyone does before a solo road trip, I plug in my phone an kick on Pandora. Ofcourse the station of choice is seether, but after a while you start to drone out an play through the stations, getting weirder an weirder because no one is around to judge you. We all know Pandora gets carried away enough on its own, little lone with the help of some douche bag driving a Yukon an wearing a cardigan. As I'm driving down the road I begin to ignore the radio and pay attention to more pressing matters like driving in a blizzard or re situating "the boys" come on guys, you know what I'm talking about. A hot car...Leather....things get mixed up and ya gotta do some relocating. It has to be done. Well by the time I make this decision in in between Paxon an glenallen, where all those sneaky ass frost heaves hide. Of course I'm hauling ass, the Yukon cruises nicely, plus the straight aways will get away from anyone, let's be honest. So I set the cruise control in the ole mom car so the legs can be freed, hike up the glorious cardigan, and shuv my hand wrist deep in my pants to begin putting things at ease....at this very moment...every bad decision I had made in that entire 3 minutes caught up with me....a justin bieber song came on....I don't give a ##### how focused or pre occupied you are when ##### like that happens the world comes to a screaching hault and you immedietly change the song to anything else. Literally anything, gospel radio if you have to, but I can't...I'm traveling at to high of a speed, the car is accelerating on its own...my hand is mysteriously stuck do to the struggle and to add insult to injury I have now slammed a hidden frost heave at about 70 mph and I am now airborn. Time stood still. I may have even screamed. And that's when it happend. I had an out of body expierence an realized that this may be it...I'm going to die in a car accident an be found with my hand down my pants, wearing a cardigan, driving a mom car an apparently rockin out to some Justin bieber. That freak show Bruce Jenner would have even looked down his nose at me with disappointment during that moment. But apparently God loves me and allows me to make it through the situation in scathed...so what did we learn from this? Many things, for instance, listen to an iPod, slow down a little bit. And for the love of god drive in sweat pants so your hand doesn't get stuck. All valuable life lessons I think. I hope you all feel just as educated as me.
Have a good night an Drive safe the roads are slick
