Funny Things Kids Say

Pines_N_Tines

Pines_N_Tines

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I'm sure there's been a thread like this before (I didn't do a search) but a good laugh can come around again.

Let's post up some funny things we've heard kids say. I'll start:

I got my last two pound bag of elk jerky out of the freezer a couple of days ago. My four year old keeps asking for it. There's a picture of a buck on the packaging. My wife saw my son with a brown stick in his mouth and asked what are you eating. He replied it's daddy's antlers. I guess he associated the jerky witht he buck antlers on the picture.


I ready to hear some good ones.
 
A few years ago we took my nephew for a ride to look at elk on our way home and he as big brown eyes that my aunt always says i love how dark your eyes are well there was a group of deer by the road so we asked did you see those deer his reply no my eyes are to dark
 
My boy and I took my five year old daughter on a successful deerhunt this year. The next day I asked her if she wanted to go again and she said "No I quit that job." pretty funny.
 
Just the other day...

Tyson asks, "Dad, would you ever want to ride on a train all the way to the North Pole??"

I reply, "Yes, so I can shoot some reindeer with my bow, maybe a polar bear too if one decides to mess with me!!

He says, "You should probably take that giant knife that's in your room then, but you won't ever get anymore presents cuz Santa will be mad at you!!"

~Z~
 
Took my 4 year old deer hunting with me this year for the first time during WI 9 day rifle season. We sat for three hours, killed 1 coyote and just before dark a doe came out in the field. I said, what do you think booner?
He replied, Bring the thunder daddy. I laughed so hard I scared the deer away....he was mad at me. lol :)
I will never forget it.
 
My wife and 3.5yr old daughter were in line at Costco and my daughter clear as day says

"Mommy, I want to shoot a deer like daddy.....
Except I want to shoot a baby deer.....
One that still has little white dots on it....
Then maybe we can cut off his deer horns....
I think he would taste better than daddy's deer..."

Needless to say mommy decided to hurry and check out before the one of the surrounding customers decided to call child services.
 
I was killing some time with my daughter while waiting for my wife to get off work and decided to go into the whole foods store next door for a snack. I told her it was a tree hugger store before we went in. Three times she blurted out in front of people "it's a tree hugger store", we quickly left! She was three then. One thing I saw while there was organic charcoal, isn't all charcoal organic?

Just the other day my same girl, now four was sleeping in her car seat on the way to daycare. She woke up a few minutes before we got there. I said good morning and she said "my friend max has a tail". Now max is a great little boy that I truly like, but I was thinking that maybe he had some type of rudimentary appendage on his back, but then she said "he uses it when he stands up and pees". By now my jaw is on the floor and I'm thinkining how do I explain this? Then she said "sometimes I would like to stand up and pee, but I don't have a tail". That was a quiet, awkward few minutes.
 
I was taking a drive a few years ago with my grandson Trevor, to hopefully show him a real deer. I was disappointed when I came upon a small forkhorn buck standing close to the road, only to find Trevor had fallen asleep in his car seat. The little buck obligingly stood there for quite a long time, as Trevor slowly awakened from his nap. "Look at the deer, Trevor"...Trevor studied the deer for a few moments, then, with a puzzled expression asked, "Papa, where's Santa?" Truly one of the memories of life with Trevor I'll never forget.:)
 
Took my 10 year old boy to the home improvement store today, to pick up some 4 foot light fixtures.

The boxs poked up between us in the car, and I made a crack about how nice is was to not have to look at him.

His response;

"When good daddy's get old, they live in a nice retirement home, because their son's take care of them.
When bad daddy's get old, they go away somewhere else......"
 
Little kid was causing quite a ruckus in the car. Mom was having words with him. He said " Daddy can't we leave Mom at the gas station"

Rutnbuck
 
Rding around my parents property on the 4-wheeler, I stop with my 4 year old to show her what a beaver dam looks like and how they cut the trees down. After a minute or so standing there, she all of sudden blurts out "daddy, all beavers are girls", I about choked and said that was enough sight seeing.



I was waiting in line at the grocery store with my sarah who was 3 or 4 around that time. All of a sudden she points about two checkout lanes down and says "look at the monkey" (loud as crap), I look where she is pointing and she is pointing at a african american family! I about ##### a brick, we don't think or raise our kids that way. Everyone is glaring at me like I just slaughtered a puppy in the store. Once wasnt' enough though, she points and says it again even louder, now I could crawl under the floor tile. I look closer this time and actually see this picture of a tiny ass monkey on a package! I walk right up to it and say loud as I could "ohhhh, I see the monkey" and even grab the package and talk to her about the toy.

I thought I was gonna have to fight my way out of that grocery store, the way 20 different people were staring at me.
Mntman

"Hunting is where you prove yourself"
 
When my youngest daughter was about three she came out onto the porch while I was mowing the lawn. She looked confused and was trying to say something. I stopped the mower and asked. She replied, "Daddy why are you shaving the grass?"
 
I knew there would be some good ones. The tail and monkey are my favorites so far.

Two years ago I took my then 5-year-old down to walmart. As we pulled into a parking lot, a second car pulled into the stall next to us. I got out and unbuckled my boy just as two teenage girls got out of the car next to us. They started to walk in to the store right in front of me and my boy. One of the teen girls was wearing extremely short shorts. The bottoms of her cheeks were showing. My five year old was just the right height to get plenty of view. He blurted out "daddy why are her shorts so tiny?" The teen became very self conscious and tried to pull her shorts down a little to cover up. I think she was mortified that all focus was on her. Her friend was already laughing when I wispered to my son "We wouldn't let your sister wear shorts that small", He then said even louder "Dad I didn't say they were small I said they were TINY" The girl was very embarrassed, her friend and I were laughing.
 
Just a month or so ago, my nephew raised his hand in the middle of class (1st grade) and told the teacher she was acting like a crazy mexican. (She isn't mexican) The teacher thought it was really funny, but had to pretend to get mad at him so he wouldn't say it again and actually offend someone.
 
We were on a family fishing trip up by Manti this past summer. While driving down a back road with a lot of pastures and cows my 6 year old yells and points out the window at 2 cows getting it on and says "look Dad...that cow is giving the other one a piggyback ride"! I thought I was going to roll the car for sure. :)
 
Funny thread,

This happened a few years back and is mostly funny just knowing the innocence of my lil' sister, she was probably 1st grade at the time.
I was in a room along with my mom, brother, and sister trying to fix a door hinge that we had just broken. I told my sister to go into the other room and get me a phillips screwdriver and off she went. After a few minutes of listening to her going through the drawers she comes back into the room with a sad look on her face. She looks at me and says, "Spencer I couldn't find a phillips, but here is a stanley." We busted up laughing as she handed over the imprinted stanley brand phillips screwdriver.
Still tease her about it to this day.
 
My six year old nephew this year... while we were hunting deer, and had dropped off my cousin so he could walk some canyon's. Said to him as he observed his stealth approach around points and saddles...."Hey why are you all wandering around? You looking for a butterfly??


Freedom is not Free!
RIP Lil Bro' "Huntnfever"
2605scott_tribute.jpg
 
Here are a few quotes from my four-year-old daughter:

"Dad, pretend you're a fire hydrant and I'm a lost little kid." (meant to say fire fighter)

Me: ?I can't wait to see what Santa brings me for Christmas!?
Daughter: ?Dad, I'm not sure Santa Clause has a moose head.? (I'm waiting on one from my taxidermist and I had told her that that's all I wanted for Christmas)

Daughter: ?When I get bigger and bigger I'll turn 16.?
Me: ?Do you know what you get to do when you turn 16?"
Daughter: (big smile) ?Knives!? (I was going to say driving)

Me: ?When you get older are you going to be my little hunting buddy??
Daughter: ?Yeah, when I get huge..... up into the clouds, I'll SMASH animals. Like a bigfoot.?
 
I was driving some back roads in the evening, with my 3 year old daughter years ago, when I spotted a nice 3x3 several hundred yards off the road.

I told her "stay in the truck", and I was able to stalk within 40 yards, and put an arrow in the boiler room.

I waited about 45 minutes, took her by the hand, and we were able to follow the blood trail to the deer. It was pretty dark by then, so I instructed her to hold the flashlight, while I gutted the buck.

Unfortunately, when she would tell her 3 year old version of the story, it always came out "I hold the flashlight, daddy shoot the buck"!

Best of Luck,
Jeff
http://www.elkmtngear.com
 
elkmntgear, you are simply just trying to cover up are you ;-)

Mntman

"Hunting is where you prove yourself"
 
LOL

"I have found if you go the extra mile it's Never crowded".
>[Font][Font color = "green"]Life member of
>the MM green signature club.[font/]
 
Great Thread!!

Several years ago I called some freinds of mine home and one of their 4-5 years old girls answered the phone. The daughter had just started pre-school so I asked her what she learned in school today? Without any hesitation she replied "EVERYTHING I DIDN'T KNOW". I really lost it laughing and then she wanted to know "What was so funny?". Typical woman!
 
Keep in mind my kids grew up working out on the farm with me. Well one day my boy who was about 6-7 at the time comes out to do chores and tells me that my wifes good friend had just had a baby, so I ask what did she have and he responds without missing a beat "she had a bull".
 
Sitting in church the other day, I noticed my 3 year old studying the man sitting directly behind us. Everyone being quiet, he turns to me with a not-so-quiet voice and says "Dad, that man has a fat belly". Everyone within 50 feet heard it.
 
>Sitting in church the other day,
>I noticed my 3 year
>old studying the man sitting
>directly behind us. Everyone being
>quiet, he turns to me
>with a not-so-quiet voice and
>says "Dad, that man has
>a fat belly". Everyone
>within 50 feet heard it.
>


Funny,

I remember when I was very young, I had a friend who was acting up in church. His dad picked him up to take him out of the meeting. As they were headed to the door, my friend screamed out "Help me bishop, he's going to spank me"
 
I had just received my wild boar skull from the taxidermist and my son was holding it while we were driving home.

We had just recently hung up a few geese and my elk skull from the prior year.

My boy is 6 at the time.

He asks me as he is holding and admirring the skull: "Dad, are you going to mount me when I die"?

I about wrecked I was laughing so hard, but he was dead serious, no pun intended.


"The problem with quotes on Internet Forums is that it is often difficult to verify their authenticity." - Abraham Lincoln
 
LAST EDITED ON Dec-19-11 AT 01:14PM (MST)[p]When my stepson was 8 he came home one day after school and I heard him ask his Mom what snatches was. She didn't hear him clearly and told him it was a city in Mississippi, to which he replied: "I don't think that's what the guys were talking about Mom". I burst out laughing and just told him to go out and play, LOL!
 
Took my 10 year old nephew hunting.

I have a Chocolate Lab that is fixed and my friends Yellow Lab tried to mount her and she absolutely tore his azz up. The fight was loud and violent....the male losing badly.

My nephew watched the fight and then said,

"Is that why they call female dogs Bit***s, Uncle?"

"Fathom the hypocracy of a Government that requires every citizen to prove that they are insured.....but not everyone must prove that they are a citizen"
 
My boy is two, and the other day as we were watching a Disney movie he kept watching people walk by the house. This one guy who had a big coat and bandana over his mouth with a beanie hat on walked by. My boy looked once at him and got a terrified look on his face, then slowly turned to me and said "scary, huh?"



"Shoot Straight"
 
We were sitting around a camp fire on the Deer hunt with family and friends a few years ago. When all of sudden my friends son, around 6 or 7 years old said. ?I want to meet who ever invented Deer Hunting and say, thank you, THANK YOU, THANK YOU!!!!!?
 
When my boy was about 4 we were eating breakfast in the local cafe. The waitress kept talking to him while he was trying to take a bite. She kept blabbing and he kept trying to eat. Finally he slammed his hand down and said "HEY, I'm trying to eat here!" I about fell out of the chair laughing. She still works there and I still get stink eye when I walk in the place.

"In the breast of every meat hunter there beats the heart of a secret, frustrated trophy hunter."
 
That's awesome plainsman08!

Made me think of another one of my boy when he was about 6.

We were eating dinner at a local chinese restaurant. The waitress had a very strong asian accent and as she was taking our order I noticed my boy looking at her very strangely. He would look at her, look at us, look at her.

Finally, in frustration he blurts out "Is she speaking spanish"?

Needless to say we all lost it, however, the waitress didn't seem to think it was too funny.

We still use that one amongst the family when someone isn't making any sense :)


"The problem with quotes on Internet Forums is that it is often difficult to verify their authenticity." - Abraham Lincoln
 
My wife and I were buying a gun safe off of ksl. We were looking for the people's house and couldnt find it. My 2 year old son Weston had to go to the bathroom in a bad way. We stopped a guy driving the other way to ask if he knew them and while I was talking to him Weston yells from the back seat to him with a lot of desperation in his voice "I HAVE TO POOP!!" The guy started laughing and drove away.

4b1db2ac644136c4.jpg
 
LAST EDITED ON Dec-21-11 AT 03:16PM (MST)[p]LAST EDITED ON Dec-21-11 AT 03:10?PM (MST)

OSOK reminded me of something my son said a couple weeks ago.

We were in a Chinese restaurant and the women waitress was oriental and fairly hard to understand. We finally got things worked out and she took our order. When she went to leave she did that little quick bow head nod thing and smiled and my son smiled and said, "Gracias Senorita". She looked at him with a blank stare and I busted out laughing.

Here?s another one from yesterday. My youngest son came home from school and pulled a little pair of leather Barbie boots out of his back pack. I asked him what in the he11 he was doing with Barbie boots! He said, "We had a white Elephant party today at school. I got these boots and my friend Zac got the Barbie. He's bringing it over in a minute and we're going to shoot them with our BB guns!" I looked at my wife and she just shook her head. I have to admit he had me worried there for a second! :)

NvrEnuf
 
great thread.

Well the boys aint doin much talkin yet but they certainly know how to entertain me. caught them doin this the other day while we were eating diner. sorry for bad pict but had to catch them in the act. guess i didnt feed them enough???
90841213111743.jpg


i bring a caped out deer home and show him to my 3 and 5 year old daughters and my 3 year old says dad why is the deer taking a nap when we are talking to it. my 5 year old says dad why did you shoot the body off of that deer???

my 6 year old (4 at the time) at the time my wife was pregnant with twins asks me if i was pregnant too cuz my belly is as big as moms?
 
So one day we were sitting on the couch flippen through the channels. We stopped for a min. to watch all these fat people shoving these hot dogs into there mouth. Seeing who could eat the most when my wife starts talking to the TV staying put the hot dogs down they dont need anymore. Well two days later we were at the supermarket and standing behind a bigger ladie. When my daughter looks at me and dad that lady dont need to eat anymore hot dogs. Needless to say grocies got left in line and we left the store.

Another time a (mexican) friend and I were playing around talking smack to each other about who was better mexicans or whites. Somewhere in the conversation White power came out and my daughter heard it. Later that weekend we were playing this guys team at a indoor soccer tournment and my daughter screems out white power while cheering for our team.
 
This is a good one.

I was at my in-laws for Christmas and we got talking about funny things kids say. I told how my four year old had come into the bathroom while I was shaving that morning. I had a towel wrapped around me. He looked at my chest and said Dad you have a lot of hair. Then he paused ... You should cut it off Another pause ... Thats going to be alot of work.

After telling my story, my sister in-law told a story about her nieghbor. She said that her neighbors four year old walked into the bathroom as she was getting out of the tub. This four year old has three older brothers and a dad. The only female in the house is mom. He looked at his mom funny, pointed to the southern region, and said "Mom, I don't like that penis"

Moral of the story lock the bathroom door.
 
My 7-year-old has been having some stomach/bowel issues. On a recent return trip from the doctor he was quizing my wife about the doctor checking out his "private area". He said that in the stranger danger class at school he learned to say Stop ... Don't touch me there ... This is my private square". He said it in a rhyming sing song fashion. My wife expalined how doctors are there to help us. She chuckled at the dramatic way my son had said the rhyme. My four year old wanted in on the act. He tried to repeat what he had heard and said "Get away from my private because it's square"
 
Sorry guys. I post replies from time to time but don't start very many threads. This thread would have been better suited under the campfire forum. I'll try to get it right next time I start a thread.
 
When it was announced that the Navy Seals had killed Bin Laden my 5 year old God daughter was pretty excited of what she thought she had heard on the radio.... "BABY SEALS KILLED BIN LADEN?"

horsepoop.gif


Disclaimer:
The poster does not take any responsibility for any hurt or bad feelings. Reading threads poses inherent risks. The poster would like to remind readers to make sure they have a functional sense of humor before they visit any discussion board.
 
My girlfriend's little boy (4) was misbehaving. Using a little sarcasm I told him if he didn't start behaving I was gonna put his head in cow pee. He gets a big smile and says, "No. That's milk."
 
My kids are 14, 10 and 8 - I have a ton of these.

Two of my favorites though came from my daughter (now 10). When she was in 1st grade (6 yrs. old) I told her that the word "vegetarian" was a native american word that meant "poor hunter". Well, she goes to class and a little girl from India in her class announced to the class that her family were all "vegetarians". The teacher asked the class if they knew what "vegetarian" meant. My daughter immediately raised her hand and the teacher called on her. Here was her answer:

"Vegetarian is a native american word that means "poor hunter". We aren't vegetarians because my daddy kills stuff all the time." Then looking at the little girl she said "I am sorry your dad is a poor hunter, maybe my dad could kill something for you guys!".

Let me tell you - THAT was a fun e-mail to reply to! Especially because the teacher sent it to my wife and she made me explain it.

I also shared with her my dislike for undersized dogs and told her that chihuahuas were really just big rats that looked like dogs. So her 1st grade teacher one day shows them pictures of her 3 little dogs - chihuahuas. Teacher asks the class "Who knows what kind of a dog this is." Bailey raises her hand and says:

"Oh that isn't really a dog. My daddy says they are really just a big big rat that looks like a dog. We have some rat poison at home. If you have a problem with these things maybe my daddy could let you have some of the poison!"

Oh yeah. Another FUN FUN FUN e-mail to answer and a mad, mad, mad, little girl to apologize to!

She has since learned a lot more about the finer points of sarcasm and hasn't said anything that would get her in too much trouble, at least not anything she has repeated from me.

One time my youngest son overheard his uncle make a comment about "two cubs fighting in a sack" but didn't totally understand what it meant. One day in church though he was describing what he thought a battle scene must have looked like and said "I'll bet it was worse than two cubs fighting in a sack!" Yeah, fun conversation with a rather well-endowed primary teacher who had obviously heard that line before.

My wife has learned to just shake her head and walk away.

_______________________________________
Burnin' up don't know just how far that I can go, soon be home only just 4 downs to go, I can make it I know I can! You broke the boy in me but you won't break the man! I can see a new horizon blazin' on the Mile High. I'll be where the eagle's flyin' higher and higher! Gonna be your man in motion, all I need's my Broncos team take me where my future's lyin' Tim Tebow's Fire! GO BRONCOS!

HOOK 'EM!
_______________________________________

Since I am frequently asked about my religion on this site and others, I have created a profile that explains my beliefs. If you are interested in finding out more about my faith, please visit the link below:

http://mormon.org/me/6RNQ/
 
3 things that my 3 year old Elijah has said in the last 2 days...

As we were unbuckling him from his carseat and he was crying because he didnt want to turn off the dvd in the minivan:

"I just wanna go to college someday!"

When one of his remote control toys wouldnt work:

"This toy is ruining my life"

As we walked into the door of a chinese restaurant:

"Daddy I just feel like I belong here"

haha
 
Last night my 14 year old daughter and I were moving an excess couch from our garage into the back of our truck. As we were lifting it she said....come on ya old man, I practically got this entire thing myself!
 
My 3 yr old wanted to go outside to play with his brother and sister. He comes to me holding just his shoes.

Boy: Daddy, will you help me put my shoes on?
Me: Sure, go get some socks first.
Boy: The lizard ate my socks, I don't have anymore!
Me: Laughing histerically "Get your socks"
Boy: OK

He didn't want to walk to his bedroom and the lizard part of the excuse was totally random.
 
I was in East Texas catching hogs with a good friend of mine and one of his dogs got cut pretty bad. My buddy, his three year old son and myself took the dog to the vet.

My buddy left his son with me in the waiting room while he was getting the dog taken care of.

Now this rather large woman with a wiener dog walks in and sits down accross from us in this small waiting room. I didn't think anything of it. I am a fat guy myself. I said "Hi" and what not but I could tell young Peyton had something to say..... It's just me, young Peyton and this lady in the room. Pretty soon he pipes up in a loud 3 year old voice,. "Hey Todd,.... That lady is fatterer then you are!!!!" Talk about an awkward moment....

Years ago when my oldest nephew was getting blessed, I went and set beside my 3 year old niece. I hadn't seen her in a while and we were catching up on the life and times of a toddler. The organ player was playing, people were talking, yada yada yada... Then I asked her "So have you been staying out of trouble?" "Nope!" says she.. I asked "Well why not?..." now the organ player stops and the Bishop is getting ready to start talking and the chapel goes dead quiet then my niece says in a loud 3 year old voice. "I POOPED ON THE FLOOR AND DAD GOT MAD!!!" The whole chapel couldn't help but laugh....

Todd
 

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