My daughter is getting married

[Oregon Fishing Guide]

HEy Everyone,
I knew this day was coming but I am not sure I am ready for it. My daughter is 22 and the guy she is marring is a good guy but are they ever good enough for your daughter. I find myself nitpicking this poor guy apart and my wife just keeps reminding me that things are okay. DOn't wives realize that it is not okay. I am putting my daughters life in another mans hand. Now I don't know about you but things were okay when it was in my hand. He does work, loves my daughter a lot, he goes to church with us, he shows great respect to the family, he wants me to teach him to fish and hunt but He does stupid things like sleep until 10:00, playing nintendo, he likes the city, he has a motor cycle, things like that. I am not being to picky am I? Then my daughter said she wanted me to do a song at the wedding. Is she nuts? I will barely be able to speak at the wedding. But, I will give my girls the best wedding I can. I will just have to wear sunglasses. If you have been through this, do you have any pointers for me?
Thanks and keep a tight line, Jon

 

[Hoosierbuck]

LAST EDITED ON Feb-23-05 AT 02:06PM (MST)[p]I married some chumps daughter...does that count???
I think more about it from you side now that I have a little girl, and the answer is to just be the best dad for her that you can, fork over tall cash for the wedding, and try to see his good qualities, like your daughter does. Easy for me to say, eh?
Good luck Jon!
HB

*Just in case he reads this, I really do like my father-in-law. Seriously.

 

[nmtaxi]

No pointers here. I'm a single father of a 10 year old boy, but I can imagine I would react about the same as you if it was my daughter.
Now I agree with you that nintendo and all that crap is stupid, but I guess some people think we're stupid for coming on to a hunting site and bragging about what we killed, or asking advice on certain things. So, I guess to each his own. As long as he treats your daughter with respect, that's the important thing.

 

[eelgrass]

My daughter got married almost 11 years ago now. I still worry about her. Get used to it, because I don't think it ever ends!

We are closer now than we have ever been. She is still married and has given us three grandsons. They live a normal life with all the normal problems. If you love her you will let her go. You will still worry and pray, and try to help without interfering. You raised her so she could make her own way. It sounds to me like you have done a good job.

If your wife thinks things are ok then they probably are. Women know these things.

You are right about one thing. No way could I have gotten up and done a song! She might want to re-think that request!

Your future son-in-law sounds normal to me. I play nintendo and still would like to get a motorcycle some day!

Steve

 

[elk_horn]

One thing I learned over the years is you can't pick your daughters husband .. its her choice and if it doesn't work..then she will learn a few things and maybe do better the second time around. All you can do is advise them and leave it at that.

 

[338boy]

You can pick your friends but you can't pick your relatives.

You can pick your friends and you can pick your nose but you can't wipe your friends on the couch.

I have 2 daughters 20 & 22 I feel your pain.

I also feel for the poor bastards who they marry.

 

[D13er]

now that's funny, 338boy.

JB

 

[Blank]

I paid for my daughter's first wedding, my grand-daughter's birth, the divorce, and then a second wedding. My heart still melts when she hugs me and calls me "Daddy", and that will never change. How can any one day of your life be the best and worst at the same time?

 

[RELH]

Jon;

From what you said about the guy, count your blessings, it seems your daughter was smart enought to pick a good one instead of a loser or dope head.
Take him up on him wanting to go hunting & fishing with you. My best hunting & fishing memories are the ones with my Father-in Law. He taught me more about hunting and fishing then any other 10 persons. I wish he was still here so I can get another hunt or fishing trip with him. You may end up gaining a Son instead of losing a Daughter. Listen to your Wife, they usually are right about these things. My Mother-in-law saved my bacon several times when I did something stupid, while dating her Daughter, and my future Father-in-law was thinking about using me for a target backstop.

RELH

 

[dakotakid]

My God!!!!!!!!

He has a motorcycle?????? Run that no good shitbird out on a rail right now!

LOL....

Wait a minute, I ride too and I'm not all that bad of a guy. Just trust that you did your job as a parent Jon, and that your daughter has a good level head on her shoulders and made a wise choice in a mate. Dont meddle in their affairs or be over imposing, you can really sour the new son-in-law and eventually piss off the daughter too. Listen to your wife, she sounds like shes a good woman.

Mike

 

[Lv2hnt]

Jon:

I can't sleep tonight after getting off work late, so here I am reading your thread and reliving the memories from my daughter's wedding almost one year ago now. What a G-R-E-A-T day that was! A ton of smiles and laughter, mixed with a few unavoidable tears.

You've already got some wise input from other MMers who've gotten through it okay. If you raised your daughter to be a solid individual (as I'm sure you did), then trust her instincts on who she fell in love with --- hard as that is, I know! In a lot of ways, I'd like my daughter to be my "little girl' forever, but that's not going to be. BTW, is she your only child? Lindsay was ours, but now I've got a "son" to get to know. Has it been easy? Not too bad, though at times a little bittersweet (heck, she's my daughter, right?). But really, she's as affectionate with me as ever.

My son-in-law grew up an athlete, not an outdoorsman. But I bought him a spinning rod and reel for Christmas, and the two of us are going on a backpack trip this Spring to Arizona's best smallmouth fishery. He doesn't stand a chance (hee!hee!)...

I sung at my own wedding years ago --- got through that okay. Can't say I'd do as well at my daughter's. That's something you'll have to figure out on your own. I DO know that I barely made it through the father-of-the-bride's speech. I got choked up several times, and had all the bride's maids crying. Leave it to dear ol' Dad! S-o-o-o, be prepared for that one.

One thing that Lindsay and I enjoyed a while before the wedding was a night we planned for just the two of us --- we fixed a great steak dinner and then re-watched Steve Martin in "Father of the Bride." We really had a great time; relived lots of memories from her growing up years too! Something you two might really enjoy.

In closing, go with the moment. You'll wish it could have lasted a week, not just a few hours! And make sure a LOT of pictures are taken (maybe even a video?).

Best of all --- CONGRATULATIONS!!!

--- Tom

 

[polarbear]

Do what I did when my sister got married. Sit the guy down and make sure that he knows if he ever does anything to hurt her, you will be taking him fishing Scott Peterson style!

Eric

 

[Phantom Hunter]

Jon,

Sounds like these guys have given you some good advice. Looks like I'll be in your shoes before long. I dread the day. I'll be doing good if I can just walk her down the aisle, much less sing a song. I just trust we both have taught them well. Now all that's left is pray the Lord will watch over them.

Phantom Hunter

 

[Chef]

If things were really as bad as you thought,
Your wife would be all over it!...trust me.

If she's okay,...then he might be okay.

Chef
"I Love Animals...They're Delicious!"

 

[kingfish]

I have two beautifull girls one is 16 and the other is 15. They both look 28. I have told my 16 year olds boyfriend that when she is with him he is totally and completely responsible for her safety!!!. Don't ever come to me and tell me I'M SORRY or I DIDNT KNOW, or I DIDN'T MEAN TOO!!! Because it won't fly with me....Your the man! Act like one! If I ever get a digital I will post some pics....Just love her and always be there!!.

 

[bigdaddy]

please send pics of your doughters lol

bd

 

[bigdaddy]

sorry, bad post "daughters" that is

bd

 

[Roy]

OFG - Congratulations. You will probably never get over nitpicking your son-in-law. My father-in-law is a good man, but I have to walk a pretty straight line to be good enough in his eyes for his daughter - even after we've been married for nine year! This keeps me on my toes though. I have also come to realize that I will never be good enough for my mother-in-law so I have stopped trying to gain her complete approval of me. She loves me, but she is relentlessly critical of everything I do. I consider her advice and respect her opinion, but at the end of the day, I am my own man and will make the best decision for my family, regardless of what my mother-in-law and father-in-law counsel or think. Most of the time though - they are right on and I appreciate their concern and I know that it is their way of being parents to their daughter. When I asked my father-in-law for his daughter's hand in marriage he told me something I will never forget and maybe you can pass it to your son-in-law to be. After shaking my hand and giving me a hug to welcome me into the family - he put his hand on my shoulder and said "Now you may marry her and take her away - but always remember - she will always be our daughter." And they are good parents too, although at times I feel a lot of pressure. It is just something that sons-in-law have to live with. So don't ever stop being her Dad. He can never take that away from you. Now as for my own daughter - thank heaven that she is only 3 - I can't picture the day that I will have the strength to let her go.

I wish you luck with the song though. Here are a few suggestions - "Baby Blue" (George Strait); "Don't Take the Girl" (Tim McGraw); (Love to see you get through that first line without breaking down... "Johnny's daddy, taking him fishing, when he was 8 years old, little girl comes to the front steps - holdin' a fishing pole..." - In your case it was probably the other way around!) or maybe - Gary Allan "Tough Little Boys".
Keep your powder (and your eyes) dry!
ROY

 

[rutnbuck]

My new Son in Law is about the same way. He asked if he could go deer hunting with me. Sure i replied come on along. We were on the hill ready to go for a hike.
He said want to see my new gun Dad? Wow I thought. He handed me a new 30-06. I asked him where the bolt was. He didn't know. It will be ok man. Just don't let him oil the hindges on you back door. Cause if he does like mine did. You wont be able to hear your younger daughter when she comes home late.

 

[Oakbuck]

Congrats OFG.
I don't have much experience in giving a daughter away but I'll always remember what my father in law said to me when I asked for his daughters hand... "Do what you want, you will anyway!" Made me wonder if I could ever measure up.

But it turned out good mostly because the best thing her parents did is accept me as thier own and never treated me as an outsider. Now 22 years later my father in law likes me more than his own sons half the time.

 

[Oregon Fishing Guide]

Hey Everyone,
Thanks for all of your responses. LV2HNT, I hadn't thought about the Father-Of-The-Bride speech. That may take a while to get through. I always thought of myself as a pretty tough guy but this is killing me. My wife and daughter was out picking out dresses yesterday and thank God I wasn't with them. Just seeing the glow in my daughters eyes as she was telling me about it choked me up and my wife and daughter think that is so funny. I was diving down the road listening to the radio and heard the song Butterfly Kisses and if someone was watching me from another car they would have thought I'd lost my mind. I came home and told my wife I wasn't going to listen to the radio anymore until the wedding is over. When he took me out for lunch and asked permission for my daughters hane I told him that there would be 3 things I will hold him accountable for as long as I have breath. one, he is to me a provider for the family. Two, he is to be a spiritual leader in the family and 3 he is to be a protector from harm from anyone including himself. I also told him that I would go to prison if he messed up on the last one. I am sure there will be no problem. He is pretty darn good with everyone. Anyway, July 30th is coming. Thanks again everyone and keep a tight line, Jon

 

[kingfish]

Great advise Jon. Look at it this way, Your not losing a daughter, Your gaining a son (inlaw). God has a plan. Leave it to him....

 

[eelgrass]

Good advise Kingfish!

When I asked my father-in-law for his daughters hand, he said yes with two conditions. No.1, never say he didn't try to warn me. No.2, feel free to call him "Dad" because he intended to treat me like a son! He passed away over four years ago. I still miss him dearly.....

Steve

 

[WyoAces]

when i asked my father in law for his daughters hand he had this to say.....if you ever beat her - you die....if you ever touch my guns - you die....and he should just kill me now for my own good if i'm crazy enough to get involved with any of the insane women from his family. With that said he gave me his blessing.

 

[Pappabull]

Just let that prospective son-in-law know that if your daughter isn't treated right you will be willing to go back to prison.

 

[4x4elk]

man just look at it the way my in-laws looked at it thank god for devoirce att. and a 2 nd husband but i have two girls and this worries me also. but i agree with the prison comment. good luck poppa bull
mack

 

[mtmuley]

Sounds like we are all sons in law. My father in law gave me a chance, so I guess I will give any prospective sons in law a shot. No one is ever good enough for a daughter at first, but it sounds like this guy could make the cut. Also, introducing someone to the joys of fishing and hunting would be fun. mtmuley