Dear Abby

[larrbo]

Dear Abby,
>
>I've never written to you before, but I really need your advice.
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>I have suspected for some time now that my wife has been cheating on me. The usual signs. phone rings but if I answer, the caller hangs up. My wife has been going out with "the girls" a lot recently although when I ask their names she always says, "Just some friends from work, you don't know them."
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>I always try to stay awake to look out for her coming home, but I usually fall asleep. Anyway, I have never approached the subject with my wife. I think deep down I just didn't want to know the truth, but last night she went out again and I decided to really check on her.
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> Around midnight, I decided to hide in the garage behind my golf clubs so I could get a good view of the whole street when she arrived home from a night out with "the girls". It was at that moment, crouching behind my clubs, that I noticed that the graphite shaft on my driver appeared to have a hairline crack right by the club head.
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>Is this something I can fix myself or should I take it back to the pro shop where I bought it?
>

 

[idabigbuck]

Dear Golf Nuts,
It sounds like more than your driver is broken. Your wife is only looking for something she can't find at home. So here is what you do.

Go the the pharmacy and get a jumbo bottle of viagra, and a large tube of K-Y with hot passion oil. Then you call this dude over at Monster Muleys known as Moosie. He will give you some tips on what to do with the viagra and K-Y. He takes lots of vacations so he is very knowledgable. He may also give you some tips on dancing, money management, raising kids, hunting, gambling and just about any other subject. In fact by the time Moosie is done with you, your wife will never leave the house. She will be waiting by the door for you to get home from work.

I hope this helps,
Abby