Funny one liners.
- Thread starter 1911
- Start date
"Go sell crazy somewhere else...we're all stocked up here"...Same movie
Disclaimer:
The poster does not take any responsibility for any hurt or bad feelings. Reading threads poses inherent risks. The poster would like to remind readers to make sure they have a functional sense of humor before they visit any discussion board.
Disclaimer:
The poster does not take any responsibility for any hurt or bad feelings. Reading threads poses inherent risks. The poster would like to remind readers to make sure they have a functional sense of humor before they visit any discussion board.
D
D13er
Guest
"Pete got a brother?"
JB
JB
D
D13er
Guest
"the sheriff is a ..ding ding ding ding"
JB
JB
fireball77
Long Time Member
- Messages
- 3,057
Ok here's mine from 2 of the best movies
?Yippie Kayay MotherF*@#er
?Do you feel lucky punk? Well, do you??
?Yippie Kayay MotherF*@#er
?Do you feel lucky punk? Well, do you??
never_catch
Long Time Member
- Messages
- 4,674
Jeezus fireball don't ya know kids come on here?? lol jk...
Marla Singer (Fight Club), "I haven't been ###### like that since grade school."
~Z~
Marla Singer (Fight Club), "I haven't been ###### like that since grade school."
~Z~
infinitecircles
Active Member
- Messages
- 111
"All I need are some tasty waves, some cool buds, and I'm fine. "
"Hey, Bud, let's party!"
"The older you get, the more rules they are going to try and get you to follow. You just gotta keep on livin', man. L-I-V-I-N."
"Slater: This place used to be off limits, man, 'cause some drunk freshman fell off. He went right down the middle, smacking his head on every beam, man. I hear it doesn't hurt after the first couple though. Autopsy said he had one beer, how many did you have?
Mitch: Four.
Slater: You're dead, man, you're so dead. Look at the blood stains right there."
"Hey, Bud, let's party!"
"The older you get, the more rules they are going to try and get you to follow. You just gotta keep on livin', man. L-I-V-I-N."
"Slater: This place used to be off limits, man, 'cause some drunk freshman fell off. He went right down the middle, smacking his head on every beam, man. I hear it doesn't hurt after the first couple though. Autopsy said he had one beer, how many did you have?
Mitch: Four.
Slater: You're dead, man, you're so dead. Look at the blood stains right there."
A
archerelk
Guest
It means: Be advised. I'm mean, nasty and tired. I eat concertina wire and piss napalm and I can put a round in a flea's ass at 200 meters. So why don't you go hump somebody else's leg, mutt face, before I push yours in.
AZStickman
Moderator
- Messages
- 2,371
Gee you got a purty mouth..... Terry
"Counting cards is not illegal, its just frowned upon"
"Theres a jungle cat in the bathroom"
OR
"I'll have a liter of cola"
"liter cola? Do we have liter cola"
"Calm down and just get a large Farva"
"I dont want a large Farva, I want a Goddam liter of Cola"
"The lice hate the powdered sugar"
"Its delicious"
"Lucky guess, I just lost a buck.....to myself"
"Mr Sunshine on my goddam shoulders John Denver"
"Theres a jungle cat in the bathroom"
OR
"I'll have a liter of cola"
"liter cola? Do we have liter cola"
"Calm down and just get a large Farva"
"I dont want a large Farva, I want a Goddam liter of Cola"
"The lice hate the powdered sugar"
"Its delicious"
"Lucky guess, I just lost a buck.....to myself"
"Mr Sunshine on my goddam shoulders John Denver"
LAST EDITED ON Jul-02-10 AT 10:06AM (MST)[p]"Don't come near my daughter, don't call her, don't go where she goes!"............"Well, can I at least have a pair of her panties to make soup with?".
Steve Martin...."Dead Men Don't Wear Plaid"
"I despise rude behavior in a man. Won't tolerate it!"
Tommy Lee Jones...."Lonesome Dove"
"There's no such thing as a normal life. There's just life....get on with it"
Val Kilmer
"We were so poor when I was young, if I hadn't been born a boy, I would have had nothing to play with!"
Rodney Dangerfield
"We are going to bring change to the American people. Complete transparency in government."
Barry Sotero, Presidential debate, 2008
Steve Martin...."Dead Men Don't Wear Plaid"
"I despise rude behavior in a man. Won't tolerate it!"
Tommy Lee Jones...."Lonesome Dove"
"There's no such thing as a normal life. There's just life....get on with it"
Val Kilmer
"We were so poor when I was young, if I hadn't been born a boy, I would have had nothing to play with!"
Rodney Dangerfield
"We are going to bring change to the American people. Complete transparency in government."
Barry Sotero, Presidential debate, 2008
one_dryboot
Long Time Member
- Messages
- 5,080
"This is a house of learned doctors... Your not a docter, your just a curley headed FU#@!
ramtagless
Active Member
- Messages
- 835
"The issue here is not whether we broke a few rules or took a few liberties with our female party guests...WE DID."
B
BOW1231
Guest
"you're drunk lunger you're probably see'n double."
"That's alright I got two guns one for each of ya"
Tombstone.
"Dock that ##### a days pay for sleeping on the job."
Blazzingsaddles.
"That's what she said"
The office
Bucks and bulls may break my bones, but words will never hurt me!
"That's alright I got two guns one for each of ya"
Tombstone.
"Dock that ##### a days pay for sleeping on the job."
Blazzingsaddles.
"That's what she said"
The office
Bucks and bulls may break my bones, but words will never hurt me!
H
Huntnfever
Guest
15" bases...I will give em a high country atv tuneup
has anyone seen my kittie
has anyone seen my kittie
Jbozahunter
Member
- Messages
- 73
"Where do you think you're gonna' put a tree that big Griswold? "Bend over and I'll show you!"
"You've got a lot of nerve talking to me like that!"
"I wasn't talking to YOU"
"You've got a lot of nerve talking to me like that!"
"I wasn't talking to YOU"
B
BreederBuck
Guest
I desperately want to make love to a school boy.
Loyd Christmas, Dumb & Dumber.
Loyd Christmas, Dumb & Dumber.
"You're gonna stand there, owning a fireworks stand, and tell me you don't have no whistling bungholes, no spleen spliters, whisker biscuits, honkey lighters, hoosker doos, hoosker donts, cherry bombs, nipsy daisers, with or without the scooter stick, or one single whistling kitty chaser?"
Disclaimer:
The poster does not take any responsibility for any hurt or bad feelings. Reading threads poses inherent risks. The poster would like to remind readers to make sure they have a functional sense of humor before they visit any discussion board.
Disclaimer:
The poster does not take any responsibility for any hurt or bad feelings. Reading threads poses inherent risks. The poster would like to remind readers to make sure they have a functional sense of humor before they visit any discussion board.
B
blue_duck
Guest
because snakes and sparklers are the only ones I like
B
bukhunter
Guest
You tell them im coming and hells coming with me.
tombstone.
bukhunter
P.E.T.A.= People for the Eating of Tasty Animals.
tombstone.
bukhunter
P.E.T.A.= People for the Eating of Tasty Animals.
T
TagLine
Guest
Everybody believes in something, Me for instance, I believe I'll have another drink.
WC Fields
Tagline
WC Fields
Tagline
B
BigFly
Guest
No! No, no, not 6! I said 7. Nobody's comin' up with 6. Who works out in 6 minutes? You won't even get your heart goin, not even a mouse on a wheel.
Good point.
7's the key number here. Think about it. 7-Elevens. 7 dwarves. 7, man, that's the number. 7 chipmunks twirlin' on a branch, eatin' lots of sunflowers on my uncle's ranch. You know that old children's tale from the sea. It's like you're dreamin' about Gorgonzola cheese when it's clearly Brie time, baby. Step into my office.
Why?
Cause you're f****n' fired!
Bigfly
Good point.
7's the key number here. Think about it. 7-Elevens. 7 dwarves. 7, man, that's the number. 7 chipmunks twirlin' on a branch, eatin' lots of sunflowers on my uncle's ranch. You know that old children's tale from the sea. It's like you're dreamin' about Gorgonzola cheese when it's clearly Brie time, baby. Step into my office.
Why?
Cause you're f****n' fired!
Bigfly
R
RiverLover
Guest
"Harry, I TOOK CARE OF IT"
"The first time I set eyes on Mary Swanson, I just got that old fashioned romantic feeling where I'd do anything to bone her."
"Harry: Look at the fun bags on that hose hound.
Lloyd: I'd like to eat her liver with some farver beans and a nice bottle of Chianti."
Dumb and Dumber
"The first time I set eyes on Mary Swanson, I just got that old fashioned romantic feeling where I'd do anything to bone her."
"Harry: Look at the fun bags on that hose hound.
Lloyd: I'd like to eat her liver with some farver beans and a nice bottle of Chianti."
Dumb and Dumber
KeystoneAZ
Member
- Messages
- 46
"Your My Sister, Your My Sister."
Mr Sir Joseph Dirt
Mr Sir Joseph Dirt
"Bunch of slack-jawed faggots around here. This stuff will make you a g** d****d sexual Tyrannosaurus, just like me."
"We got no food, we got no jobs... our PETS' HEADS ARE FALLING OFF!"
Jesse: Dude! You got a tattoo!
Chester: So do you, dude! Dude, what does my tattoo say?
Jesse: "Sweet!" What about mine?
Chester: "Dude!" What does mine say?
Jesse: "Sweet!" What about mine?
Chester: "Dude!" But What does mine say?
Jesse: "Sweetaa" But What does mine say?
Chester: "DUDE" WHAT DOES MINE SAY?
Jesse: "SWEEEEEEEET"
"We got no food, we got no jobs... our PETS' HEADS ARE FALLING OFF!"
Jesse: Dude! You got a tattoo!
Chester: So do you, dude! Dude, what does my tattoo say?
Jesse: "Sweet!" What about mine?
Chester: "Dude!" What does mine say?
Jesse: "Sweet!" What about mine?
Chester: "Dude!" But What does mine say?
Jesse: "Sweetaa" But What does mine say?
Chester: "DUDE" WHAT DOES MINE SAY?
Jesse: "SWEEEEEEEET"
LAST EDITED ON Jul-07-10 AT 08:02AM (MST)[p]Garth-"Did you ever find Bugs Bunny attractive when he put on a dress and played a girl bunny?"
Wayne-"No... *cracks up laughing*... No."
Garth-"Neither did I... I was just asking."
Stacy-"Well, don't you want to open your present?"
Wayne-"If it's a severed head I'm going to be very upset."
Nocked N Loaded
Wayne-"No... *cracks up laughing*... No."
Garth-"Neither did I... I was just asking."
Stacy-"Well, don't you want to open your present?"
Wayne-"If it's a severed head I'm going to be very upset."
Nocked N Loaded
C
coolspringoutfitters
Guest
That John Denver's full of S@!# man...
Dumb & Dumber
CSO
It's all about the good times...
Dumb & Dumber
CSO
It's all about the good times...
C
coolspringoutfitters
Guest
Do you like apples ? ? ?
Ya...
I got her number... How you like them apples ? ? ?
Good Will Hunting
CSO
It's all about the good times...
Ya...
I got her number... How you like them apples ? ? ?
Good Will Hunting
CSO
It's all about the good times...
fireball77
Long Time Member
- Messages
- 3,057
LAST EDITED ON Jul-07-10 AT 01:39PM (MST)[p]From What about Bob
Dr. Leo Marvin: I want some peace and quiet!
Bob Wiley: Well, I'll be quiet.
Siggy: I'll be peace!
Another one from same movie
Bob Wiley: [telling a joke] The doctor draws two circles and says "What do you see?" the guy says "Sex."
everybody laughs...
Bob Wiley: Wait a minute, I haven't even told the joke yet! So the doctor draws trees, "What do you see?" the guy says "sex". The doctor draws a car, owl, "Sex, sex, sex". The doctor says to him "You are obsessed with sex", he replies "Well you're the one drawing all the dirty pictures!"
Dr. Leo Marvin: I want some peace and quiet!
Bob Wiley: Well, I'll be quiet.
Siggy: I'll be peace!
Another one from same movie
Bob Wiley: [telling a joke] The doctor draws two circles and says "What do you see?" the guy says "Sex."
everybody laughs...
Bob Wiley: Wait a minute, I haven't even told the joke yet! So the doctor draws trees, "What do you see?" the guy says "sex". The doctor draws a car, owl, "Sex, sex, sex". The doctor says to him "You are obsessed with sex", he replies "Well you're the one drawing all the dirty pictures!"
What are the three biggest tragedies in a man's life?
Life sucks, job sucks and the wife doesn't.
A couple just married were happy with the whole thing.
He was happy with the Hole and she was happy with the Thing.
When I was born, I was given a choice - a big weenier or a good
memory....I don't remember which one I chose.
Andy Rooney
Rutnbuck
Life sucks, job sucks and the wife doesn't.
A couple just married were happy with the whole thing.
He was happy with the Hole and she was happy with the Thing.
When I was born, I was given a choice - a big weenier or a good
memory....I don't remember which one I chose.
Andy Rooney
Rutnbuck
fireball77
Long Time Member
- Messages
- 3,057
The Odd couple
You leave little notes on my pillow. Told you a-hundred-fifty-eight times I cannot stand little notes on my pillow. "We are all out of cornflakes. F.U." Took me three hours to figure out "F.U." was Felix Ungar.
You leave little notes on my pillow. Told you a-hundred-fifty-eight times I cannot stand little notes on my pillow. "We are all out of cornflakes. F.U." Took me three hours to figure out "F.U." was Felix Ungar.
E
eobigbull
Guest
" Buzzerds gotta eat, same as woms.
Josey wells
Josey wells
fireball77
Long Time Member
- Messages
- 3,057
Who's on first!!!
OpeningDay
Active Member
- Messages
- 625
"Nice catch Hayes.. Don't ever F***ing do it agian.""
N
Nails
Guest
"When I write about women, I think of a man and remove accountability and common sense." It was something to that extent but you get the point.
Nails.
Nails.
Last week I told my psychiatrist, "I keep thinking about suicide." He told me from now on I have to pay in advance.
I tell you, with my doctor, I don't get no respect. I told him, "I've swallowed a bottle of sleeping pills." He told me to have a few drinks and get some rest.
My mother never breast fed me. She told me that she only liked me as a friend.
And we were poor too. Why, if I wasn't born a boy, I'd have nothing to play with!
www.muleybulloutfitters.com
I tell you, with my doctor, I don't get no respect. I told him, "I've swallowed a bottle of sleeping pills." He told me to have a few drinks and get some rest.
My mother never breast fed me. She told me that she only liked me as a friend.
And we were poor too. Why, if I wasn't born a boy, I'd have nothing to play with!
www.muleybulloutfitters.com
It's been a rough day. I got up this morning, put a shirt on and a button fell off. I picked up my briefcase and the handle came off. I'm afraid to go to the bathroom.
I was such an ugly kid that when I played in the sandbox, the cat kept covering me up.
I remember the time that I was kidnapped and they sent a piece of my finger to my father. He said he wanted more proof.
Once when I was lost, I saw a policeman and asked him to help me find my parents. I said to him, "Do you think we'll ever find them?" He said, "I don't know kid. There's so many places they can hide."
www.muleybulloutfitters.com
I was such an ugly kid that when I played in the sandbox, the cat kept covering me up.
I remember the time that I was kidnapped and they sent a piece of my finger to my father. He said he wanted more proof.
Once when I was lost, I saw a policeman and asked him to help me find my parents. I said to him, "Do you think we'll ever find them?" He said, "I don't know kid. There's so many places they can hide."
www.muleybulloutfitters.com
B
B_BOP_A_LU_LU
Guest
"She might be cute but somebody somewhere is tired of her Sshit"
By no other than CUPSY,still cracks me up when he says it!}>}>}>
I love not acting my age,
Damn I love my NASCAR race,
And Hell yes I love my Truck!
By no other than CUPSY,still cracks me up when he says it!}>}>}>
I love not acting my age,
Damn I love my NASCAR race,
And Hell yes I love my Truck!
one_dryboot
Long Time Member
- Messages
- 5,080
How the Helll did you get the "beans" above the "frank"? Gaylord Focker!
