lets tell a story

caelkhnter

Very Active Member
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1,526
I will start yall can finish..............


A good nights sleep, right like that was going to happen. No it wasn't the fact that it was in the low 20's outside and that the wind was howling. I was in a sleeping bag on a cot in a canvas wall tent. I was plenty warm and comfrontable. I had slept with wind howling much louder and harder than what was happening this night. It was the fact that it had taken me 10 years to draw this elk tag in a unit known for trophy bulls. Restless with anticipation of opening morning light just a few hours away. My expectations were so great, I felt anxious about whether everything would come together to give me the opportunity I had been dreaming of for 10 years. How the heck was I suppose to get a good nights sleep.............
 
I was finally fading off into semiconscious when I became aware of the rhythmic sound of plodding footsteps increasingly becoming louder outside my tent, not sure if I was dreaming or awake, I decided to go along with it & explore what lurked outside, I slowly peered out from the canvas flap & saw the dark figure of...........
 
JUST AS I WAS REMOVING THE PLUG WIRE WITH MY SHARP HUNTING KNIFE I NOTICED THE ZIPPER ON THE TENT BEGIN TO OPEN,I MADE THE SLICE & WAS ON MY WAY WHEN ALL OF A SUDDEN...

THE ONLY bobcat WAITING FOR THE REST OF THE STORY AND I DON'T EXPECT TO GET SHOT OVER A PLUG WIRE!!!
 
LAST EDITED ON Nov-22-05 AT 06:25PM (MST)[p]I see the silhouette of a naked man wearing only bunny slippers peering out of the tent. After an extremely loud fart,caelkhnter
yelled out......
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Eric
 
MY GOD IT'S TRUE,bobcatbess HAS FOUND MY WHEELER IN A CLOSED AREA,I FEAR THE WORST BUT THE PISTON SEEMS TO BE ALRIGHT BUT FOR SOME REASON IT WON'T START,I CRANK UNTIL THE BATTERY IS DEAD,MY GOD,I'M ON FOOT,I'LL HAVE TO HUNT THE ETHICAL WAY,MAYBE I SHOULD CALL THE FOREST SERVICE,MAYBE THE DWR,MAYBE THE FBI,I NEVER THOUGHT I'D HAVE TO DEAL WITH THIS LITTLE...

THE ONLY bobcat THINKING LETS STIR IT UP BOYS!!!
 
Weenie of mine in such cold weather! How in the hell am I going to be able to pee without wetting myself? Oh well, I'd better deal with the broken down 4 wheeler instead. How am I going to hunt turtles without a wheeler? I guess that I will have to rely on my old trusy.......
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Eric
 
FLIP FLOPS & CACKIE SHORTS,THEY BEAT A WHEELER THATS NOT RUNNING RIGHT???
BY THIS TIME IT'S MID DAY,PRIME TIME FOR SOMEBODY THAT USED TO HUNT ON A SLOBBY WHEELER,YOU NEVER KNOW WHAT YOU MIGHT RUN INTO ABOUT MID-DAY WHEN ALL OF A SUDDEN OUT OF NOWHERE...

THE ONLY bobcat THINKING THIS COULD GET GOOD!!!
 
LAST EDITED ON Nov-22-05 AT 08:30PM (MST)[p]Comes Moosie complainin about his nipples stickin out cuzz it's so cold
DSC_3576.jpg

I told him to quit playin with himself before...
 
With Moosie standing there nothing on except a back pack and Danners. Meanhile bobcat slips off into the darkness dodging bullets. But not before he managed to drop off a copy of 2006 calender of the Altamont Calender Girls. Then all of a sudden
 
B_F_E_ SHOWS UP OUT OF NOWHERE LOOKING FOR THE SOB THAT SENT HIM A COPY OF THE CALENDAR,HE SHOULD OF BEEN COOLED OFF AFTER KILLING THE LAST BIG BUCK IN COLORADO BUT WHEN HE GOT BACK HOME & KEPT STARRING AT THE CALENDAR GIRLS HE DECIDED HE'D GO LOOKING FOR THE IDIOT THAT SENT IT TO HIM!!!

EVEN B_F_E_ WASN'T VERY HAPPY,HE'D HIKED IN THE LONG WAY,APPROX. 22 MILES,THOUGHT HE WAS BACK IN THE 'STICKS' ALL ALONE ONLY TO WALK INTO A CAMP WITH A PARTIALLY TUNED MACHINE,HE CONFRONTED THIS JOKER THAT WAS STANDING THERE WITH NO CLOTHES ON WHEN...

THE ONLY bobcat THINKING B_F_E_ WAS STEAMING AT THIS TIME!!!
 
Out of nowhere comes......huntsonora with a cape and a big red "H" on his chest moosie is close behind tweeking his nipples as he runs to the aid of SUPER "H". moosie shouts (with a lisp)WHO IS THAT NAKED MAN WITH THE BUNNY SLIPPERS? (I want a pair). All of the sudden the clouds part and a bolt of lightning rips through the sky as.........
 
2 chute planes quickly descend upon the camp. Why, it is none other than Cass and Old Oregano dressed like Ace and Gary, the ambiguously gay duo bringing everyone bunny slippers, camoflauge Richard Simmons designer short shorts and tank tops! Immediately after O-O hands out all the "goodies", he snuggles up to moosie and softly whispers.....
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Eric
 
can I join your traveling circus ?

That's when the music started playing, it was the theme song from the dukes of hazard, I looked with my binoculars & to my astonishment, I saw Sasquatch taking the pistons out of bobcats truck in the distance, the one he affectionately refers to as ol'Bessy, interestingly Sasquatch was singing along to the music, "just a good'ol boy, not a doing no harm" when suddenly big foot looks up & see's Bess himself approaching when...........
 
With a king size monkey wrench hollarin " I'll loosen yer nuts you fur bearin critter". But in jumps "The Founder " dressed like Daisey Duke screamin "Keep yer mitts to yerself or I'll nuke this post" so we all went back to playin like we're old friends..................
 
Then with a jerk I woke up from this nightmare,realizing I must have dozed off a while, what could have brought on this nightmare?
could it have been the Super Bomb burrito that I had eatten from 7-11 earlier that day or was it from too much MM burn out.Dripping with sweat I rolled out of my bag,and...
 
wiped the sweat from my brow, I cant believe that my mind is able to even comprehend these types of thoughts. What scares me the most is that I cant get my mind off of Moosies nipples, how in the world...
 
COULD I BE STANDING HERE IN THIS RED SUIT WITH A BIG H ON IT THINKING bobcats TUNE-UP THOUGHTS WERE STARTING TO WEAR OFF ON ME ESPECIALLY AFTER THAT A$$HOLE GUIDE FROM COLORADO SCREWED MY ARIZONA HUNT UP,THE MORE I LOOKED AT THIS WHEELER & CAMP THE MORE I WANTED TO...

THE ONLY bobcat THINKING THIS COULD GET GOOD!!!
 
LAST EDITED ON Nov-23-05 AT 06:08PM (MST)[p]ride it down off of the mountain before people realized that I am actually Udderdelite/Republicoftexas/Txrightwinger and not Huntsonora. I just want to be like him so bad, damnit, I have so many alter egos that I dont even know who I am anymore. I just wanted people to like me and to think that I knew what I am talking about. I thought the suit would bring me luck in my quest to see a giant 200" deer, I have to act quick and....
 
WHIZZ IN THE GAS TANK,EVEN THOUGH I'M SURE bobcat HAS DONE A MILD TUNE-UP I'M NOT TAKING ANY CHANCES OF udderdespite/Repubicoftexas/Txrightswinger TAKING AN EASY RIDE OFF THE MOUNTAIN,I MUST ACT NOW,ONE LESS WHEELER IN A CLOSED AREA ENHANCES MY CHANCES AT THE ELUSIVE 200" MULEY!!!

JUST AS I'M ZIPPING UP OUT OF THE TENT COMES Txrightswinger ALSO ZIPPING UP & BEHIND HIM...


THE ONLY bobcat!!!
 
came Moosie pleading please let me fondle your bone for good luck,and the reply was...
 
Yes but first we have to figure out what that low moaning/thudding noise coming from that brush near by. Could it be the monster Buck?? Lets sneak over there and find out what critter could possibly be making all that noise. Silently sneaking over to the brush. He pokes his head over the brush and to his surprise. He is able to make out Predator mumbling Pleasedear. Unable to make out the thudding noise he decides to sneak a little closer only to find out.
 
LAST EDITED ON Nov-23-05 AT 08:06PM (MST)[p]Bobcatbess standing over Moosie, yelling COWBOY-UP CUPCAKE! That's when she realized.....
 
THAT PleaseDear WAS REPEATED OVER & OVER AGAIN BUT Pred ALREADY HAD THE CITATION WROTE OUT,A 75,000.00 FINE FOR HAVING A WHEELER IN A CLOSED AREA,THERE WERE NO AMMOUNT OF 'PleaseDears' THAT WAS GOING TO HELP,Pred WAS DOING HER JOB TO THE MAXIMUS.
AFTER WRITING THE CITATION,Pred HEADED OVER TOWARD THE TENT ONLY TO FIND...

THE ONLY bobcat!!!
 
LAST EDITED ON Nov-23-05 AT 09:18PM (MST)[p]she needed to get the hell back to SLC, before this nightmare got any worse.
 
But then she realized the poaching of two trophy class turtles. Had led her to the camp and she had discovered a racketeering and embezzlement of funds from the Turtle Foundation and the poaching of two turtles by none other then two prominent members Eelgrass and Rimrock. Who both tried to flee the seen across Ute tribal lands into Utah?s remote ATV trail infested. NE Region. Later the day they arrived at camp Nomad followed by none other then
 
buttshot, who was toting a case of Crown Royal while looking for 264Magnum. Then YukonDall showed up looking for the stolen Crown and proceeded to.....
 
sling a rope over the limb of an oak tree. Before he could finish the job, most of the Crown Royal had been drunk and the theives had escaped. Finally Pred showed up and cited Yukon for drunk and disorderly conduct. And then.....
 
with the nose of a blood hound and the eyes of a hawk she dropped down on all fours and proceeded to track the two desperadoes off into the wilderness, only to....
 
FIND B_F_E_ FIRING WARNING SHOTS AT EVERYTHING HE DIDN'T LIKE,HE HAD SEVERAL BOXES OF BULLETS WHEN HE ENTERED THE PRIMITIVE AREA BUT WAS RUNNING LOW,HE'D HEARD bobcatbess BEACH ABOUT ALOT OF THIS CRAP GOING ON FOR YEARS BUT WHEN HE SEEN IT WITH HIS OWN EYES HE DECIDED HE WAS DOING SOMETHING ABOUT IT,ABOUT THAT TIME B_F_E_ WALKED UPON A TRAIL OF CROWN ROYAL BOTTLES,HE PICKED ONE BOTTLE UP TO EXAMINE IT,Pred JUMPS OUT FROM BEHIND A TREE & SAYS HOLD IT RIGHT THERE,DRINKING & POSSESSION OF A HIGH POWERED FIREARM,I'M HANDCUFFING YOUR SORRY ARSE RIGHT NOW,B_F_E_ ALWAYS HAD DREAMS OF HANDCUFFS & UNIFORMS BUT THIS WAS FOR REAL,HE HAD TO CANCEL THAT LATE COLORADO BUCK HUNT & BOY WAS HE PI$$ED,CUFFED RIGHT IN HIS OWN TRACKS BY A FELLOW MM MEMBER!!!

I WAS ON MY WAY BACK TO OL'BESSY (MY WORE OUT HUNTING RIG!!!) WHEN I SEEN SOMETHING I JUST HAD TO STARE AT,YA YOU GUESSED IT,DAISY DUKE IN HER SHORT SHORTS PUTTING THE PISTONS BACK INTO MY BIG-BLOCK THAT B_F_E_ TOLD SASQUATCH TO PULL OUT,THANKS B_F_E_,I COULDN'T OF SEEN THIS WITHOUT YOUR HELP!!!

MEAN WHILE BACK AT THE TENT,Moosie OF ALL PEOPLE STAGGERS OUT OF THE TENT,HE'S STILL GOT A GRIP ON HIS OWN NIPPLES & WALTZES RIGHT OUT TO FIND...

THE ONLY bobcat SUGGESTING A HAPPY THANKSGIVING TO ALL!!!
 
Caelkhntr stumbling along the ridge near camp packing eelgrass's life support system of 2 cold pack's. Realizing he had just woke from a nightmare of a dream that had just become reality. Not knowing where the elk were he headed down the ridge towards
 
the campfire smoke. As he got closer, he saw that it was Chef, who was trying out a new recipe he called "Poached Turtle". Kilowatt was there on his cell phone desperatly trying to reach Founder and the nuke button.

Caelkhnter quickly turned around and headed in the opposite direction, to resume the hunt he had waited so long for. When he topped the ridge......
 
rut WAS STANDING THERE WITH HIS CROSSHAIRS ON THE WHEELER,HE'D WAITED NEARLY TEN YEARS FOR HIS TROPHY BULL HUNT,SPENT A COUPLE OF GRAND SCOUTING HIS BULL AND LOW AND BEHOLD A CAMP WITH A WHEELER PARKED RIGHT IN THE MEADOW HE THOUGHT HE'D TAKE HIS BULL IN,BOY WAS HE NOT IN A GOOD MOOD,WHEN caelkhnter MET UP WITH HIM ATOP THE RIDGE THE FIRST WORDS OUT OF HIS MOUTH WERE:WHERE IN THE HELL ARE YOU FROM???caelkhnter REPLIED WELL I'M FROM KAL...

THE ONLY bobcat WAITING FOR MORE STORY!!!
 
Well Rut put his hand on the dudes neck and said listen here sonny if I's ever lay me I's on dat thar whillr again in these parts i"ms gona beats some knots on ur head we don't take kindly
to them there machines, so....
 
On second thought....... You sure have a purdy mouth! After a vigorous session of hillbilly love, they walked back down the mountain, hand in hand. While still basking in the afterglow, they spotted......
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Eric
 
Dakotakid COMING IN FROM THE BOTTOM(YA,IT'S NOT A STORY WITHOUT YOU IN IT MIKE!!!)HE'D PARKED HIS HARLEY AT THE BOTTOM THINKING THERE'D BE NOBODY BACK IN HIS FAVORITE HONEYHOLE,WHEN HE TOPPED THE LAST RIDGE ONLY TO SEE THE CAMP & WHEELER RIGHT IN THE MIDDLE OF THE MEADOW,WELL IT'S GOOD THING HE HAD HIS 'SEXY' POLITE WIFE WITH HIM BECAUSE EVEN THE 'kid' HAD BAD THOUGHTS GOING THROUGH HIS HEAD,ON CLOSER INSPECTION OF THE WHEELER MIKE NOTICED THAT I (bobcatbess) HAD ALREADY BEEN BY & DONE WHAT HE WAS THINKING OF DOING(TUNING THE WHEELER!!!)BUT WHEN HE SEEN THE BUMPER STICKER ON THE FENDER THAT SAID: "BUSH SUCKS!!!" HE LOST HIS COOL,EVEN MRS.kid COULDN'T HOLD HIM BACK,HE ENTERED THAT TENT & OUT CAME Moosie HEAD FIRST,STILL HAD HOLD OF HIS OWN NIPPLES IT HAPPENED SO FAST,Moosie TRIED EXPLAINING IT WASN'T HIS CAMP,HE'D JUST STOPPED BY FOR A 'POKER' GAME,THATS WHEN...

THE ONLY bobcat!!!
 
Moosie spied a whole case of tweekies someone had left.
Like a starved bear cub he dove in rolling around on the ground
ripping open every one,even throating a few,after the last one was gone he patted his bellie and said I use to brag about my wash board stomach now I have the whole wash tub!.He licked the last bit of cream filling from his fingers and...
 
A Shot rings out in the distance. Everyone in the valley looks up on the ridge!! The Mrs. Kid Points up on the ridge. She says OH MY it is Rutnbuck and he is shooting at something. Near by out of the timber Staggers Polarbear. Holding his chest his hand bloody he stumbles he falls he gets back up takes a few steps and falls face first in the mud. His vision blurred his breath runs short he gasps for air. His eyes turn cold then all color disappears from his muddy face. Unable to reach his gun he grasps his lodge pole. Everyone asks do you think it was a hunting accident? Rimrock notices Polarbear surrounded by vultures. So he decides to go over before it is to late and guts him. Then he hangs him from a tree puts honey on him then he places an electronic predator call at his feet. It was so sad everyone knew Polarbear had made a mistaken identy of Rutnbuck when infact it was a Low life wanabe Rutnbucks.. Posting messages behind a fake name with all his info missing. Making hillbilly love. Caelkhntr wakes up and asks is this still a dream or was I sleep walking this nightmare come true.
Meanwhile confronting the gressy finger Bobcatbessy there was KTC. He was
 
LAST EDITED ON Nov-25-05 AT 05:58PM (MST)[p]

looking at the disemboweled polarbear and thinking, "hell that carcass could feed us all for quite a while, why bother continue hunting?" So KFC, Caelkhntr, Rutnbuck and Bobcatbessy mozy on down to drag old polarbear's carcass back to camp for a big feast, when oliver sudden....
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Eric
 
bobcatbess LOOKS AT rut,THINKING IF THIS GOON WILL SHOOT polarbear HE'D DAMN SURE SHOOT A bobcat,NOW I'D ALWAYS AGGITATED PEOPLE MENTIONING A FREE TUNE-UP BUT DAMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMN,THIS nut OF A rut WAS FLAT A$$ SERIOUS OR DESPERATE,I GUESS IT HAD BEEN A WHILE SINCE HE'D SHOT ANYTHING,ABOUT THAT TIME B_F_E_ CAME RUNNING OVER THE RIDGE FROM MILES AWAY,HE WAS HUNTER ENOUGH TO KNOW A GUTSHOT WHEN HE HEARD ONE,HE LOOKS DOWN FROM THE RIDGE WONDERING WHAT THE HELL WE WERE DOING DRAGGING polarbear BACK TO THAT CAMP,HE RUNS DOWN TO US TOTALLY EXHAUSTED AND SAYS:WHO THE HELL WAS THE STUPID IDIOT THAT SHOT polarbear GLARING RIGHT INTO ruts EYES,rut REACHES FOR HIS GUN AND.........

THE ONLY bobcat!!!
 
he says GO AHEAD PUNK "MAKE MY DAY"
With B_F_E looking down the bore of that mighty 44 said maybe you should put some bullets in that thing. After that....
 
Rut squeezes the trigger and streamers come flying out into B_F_E's face. B_F_E laughs and says "what the hell was that boy'? Rut explains that he is no longer allowed to carry a real gun since his turtle poaching incident and that conviction for smuggling childrens cough syrrup across international borders. Paralyzed by embarrassment, rut pees his pants and says to B_F_E and the boys......
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Eric
 
Rut says hold on to your britches cowgirls don't go doing somthing stupid. This 44 holds six and that is the way angles are made. Now if you all go back in time a little you will find out that Rut was on the ridge shooting no one seen rut shoot polarbear for dinner. I was shooting at a rock on a rim. About that time Zim rides up on his 4 wheeler out of the roadless part of the backwoods. And
 
LAST EDITED ON Nov-25-05 AT 10:44PM (MST)[p]And strapped on the Quad are 10 cases of Budweiser and Zim is yelling for help because he stole the Beer from PC_The Greats camp and Paul was hot on his trail and said, if I catch you I will............
 
I will ring your little (he finds himself speachless) Woha Woha all of a sudden out of thin air Polarbear is reincarnated he comes back as a stud!! He joins prusut with Paul after Zim.
Guns blazing with rubber bullets like that of a John Wayne movie. That is when
 
THE WHEELER CAME TO AN ABRUPT HALT,THERE WAS AN ECHO OF A GUNSHOT,THE PISTON WAS LAYING THERE IN 300 PIECES,THE BEER WAS UNHARMED & PC WAS IN SEVENTH HEAVAN,PC QUICKLY SAID THANK GOD FOR bobcat BUT ZIM DIDN'T,HE STARTS YELLING & SCREAMING FOR A GUN & SAYS I'VE HUNTED BUFFALO BEFORE,A bobcat WILL NOT BE A CHALLENGE,rut HANDS HIM THE 44 THAT SHOOTS RED BANNERS AND HE'S OFF TO GEM HIMSELF A.......

THE ONLY bobcat!!!
 
a dirty varmit! Out of nowhere appears Huck58 with a bull horn. "Calm down people! Forget bobcats, the real threat is WOLVES! The Quad Squad quickly shouts him down however.....
 
They could hear that ghostly sound, the unforgettable sound of
the 660 grizzly's roar. They see it coming up the ridge headed straight for them, look out, as Rut dives forward and pushes bobcat out of harms way. "Close call, I owe you one", says Bobcat.
Hitting the -NOS- button and kicking in the turbo, the grizz pelts everyone with dirt as he leaves the camp in a stand up wheelie. The grizz heads up the ridge, down to the creek, back up to the rim and through the meadow, cruizing around for hours and hours, ripping up rocks, boulders, and flowers. As he came to rest on top of the peak, he screamed his lungs out "no one can catch the RACKMASTER!"...
 
JUST AS THAT LAST WORD LEFT HIS 'PROUD EGO' MOUTH THERE WAS ANOTHER GUTSHOT SOUND,NOT polarbear THIS TIME,IT WAS THE GUTSHOT SOUND OF A GRIZZLY THIS TIME,B_F_E_ WAS BACK TO HUNTING SEVERAL RIDGES AWAY WHEN HE HEARD THE SHOT,HE'S HUNTER ENOUGH TO KNOW THE DIFFERENCE BETWEEN A GUTSHOT polarbear & A GUTSHOT GRIZZLY,HE WAS GLAD TO NOT HEAR THE GRIZZLY HEADED HIS WAY ANYMORE,HIS GUN WAS COCKED LOCKED & READY TO ROCK WHEN HE HEARD THE SHOT BELOW,HE SIGHED OF RELIEVE,AT THIS TIME HE KNEW EXACTLY WHERE bobcat WAS,HE COULDN'T MISTAKE THE SOUND OF A 600 GRAIN SLUG HITTING A GRIZZLY IN THE GUTS,JACKMASTER WENT FROM SCREAMING IN HAPPINESS TO A RAMPAGE OF SCREAMING WITH LAGUAGE THAT Moosie HADN'T EVEN INVENTED YET,BUT DOWN BELOW,Pred COULD HEAR HIM,UP TO THE RIDGE SHE & HER TICKET BOOK WENT,OH YOUR THAT 'JACK' GUY Pred EXCLAIMS,JACKMASTER SIGNS HIS FIRST 75,000.00 FINE FOR RIDING HIS QUAD IN THE PRIMITIVE,HE STARTED GETTING REAL LIPPY WITH Pred & SHE HANDCUFFED HIM TO THE ALREADY TUNED WHEELER,(NO JACK,THIS ISN'T HANDCUFFS & A REDHEAD!!!)THIS IS THE REAL DEAL WITH LAW ENFORCEMENT OFFICER.
NOW THERE ARE 3 TUNED WHEELERS SITTING IN A PRIMITIVE AREA,TEMPERS ARE STARTING TO FLARE WHEN LOW & BEHOLD ktc COMES RIDIND HIS HORSE OVER THE RIDGE TRYING TO FIGURE OUT JUST WHAT THE HELL.....

THE ONLY bobcat!!!
 
As he arrives on the scene, he see's JACK handcuffed to the Grizz, and Zigga is there cutting his tag! He hears Zigga say "I always wanted to tag a Grizz!" When Bobcat shows up he looks at Zigga and says "Hold on there, only one shot was fired, that's MY Grizz!" As the tension mounts.....
 
About then Rimrocks Cell Phone rings. It is none other then Bowhuntgirl. She tells Rimrock she is lost she can't find camp. She claims that she is cold cause she is only dressed in camo low cut mid drift shirt and camo short short's. Rimrock establishes a Search and Rescue team consisting of
 
JUST HIMSELF,HE NOT ONLY WANTS HER BUT WANTS TO FIND HER FIRST,HE WANTS NO CHANCES OF THE STUD OF A rut GETTING HOLD OF HER & CORRUPTING HER FIRST,ANY CORRUPTING TO BE DONE WELL RIMROCK WANTS TO BE THE ONE DOING IT,HE ANSWERS THE PHONE & SAYS:I'LL BE RIGHT THERE TO FIND YOU,NOT HAVING A CLUE IN WHAT DIRECTION TO START LOOKING RIMROCK......

THE ONLY bobcat!!!
 
Every one froze. It became deathly quiet and then again the sound of the lone wolf howl. I turned to look at bobcat and he had that deer caught in the headlights look on his face. Everyone scrambled to the ridge, a rifle barrel sticking out on top of every rock and stick. Then all hell broke out--the meanest fire fight ever. Then all was quiet again. They all went back to the other side of the ridge and went back to eating candy, drinking beer, taking a nap or whatever TARDS do. Meanwhile, back at wolf central, they noticed from the tracking caller that ALPHA male 338 was wearing that something was wrong. They dispatched a team and they were there in no time at all. Finding the wolf laying there in the clearing they counted no less than sixteen bullet holes and one arrow in the dog. The dog was dead and even had an ATV tire track running over its head!They talked it over and said they would have to get it back and do an autopsy on it to find the cause of death. They bent down to pick it up when rumple came running down the hill, yelling at them, "don't touch that coyote, he's mine. I shot him from a thousand yards and don't you tell me it wasn't ETHICAL"...
 
I'VE SHOT SEVERAL OF THESE BIG COYOTES WITH MY RED RYDER AT OVER A THOUSAND YARDS,BEEN GETTING TOP DOLLAR OUT OF THEM ALSO,YOUR NOT TAKING THAT COYOTE FOR NO REASON,EVEN WITH 16 BULLET HOLES IN ALPHA 338 IT STILL WASN'T AS BLOODY AS THE BUCK dakotakid TOOK THIS YEAR!!!

IT WAS ONLY SECONDS AND SEVERAL OF THE MM POLICE DID SHOW UP TO GIVE rumple A LESSON IN ETHICS,THATS WHEN HE JACKED ANOTHER BULLET INTO HIS GUN & SAID....

THE ONLY bobcat!!!
 
"Back off dudes, or I's gonna shoots yer eyes out wit dis heer Red Rider! I's gots a whole tube full of shiny new bb's and I aint afraid ta use em! Oh wait, I caint shoot ya unless yoo is over 300 yard away and a runnin!" Just as it looked like rump-le was gonna try his hand at short range shootin, Hunter Harry peeked over from the next ridge over and....
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Eric
 
"Clean up this blood and cut off the tongue!
I'm taking a picture to post on the site!"

Rumple started to put gel in his hair to look like that Utard that looked really good and GQ even after he bowshot that trophy up in Colorado.

Just then, over the ridge, the true bugle of a monster bull echoed. It was the kind of bull that everyone says is 400 inches but doesn't look like it in the pictures.

That's when...
 
oldoregons COUSIN TIPPED THE NEW WORLD RECORD BULL OVER,THE MEASUREMENT WAS HUGE BUT Cass CALLED HIM ON THE SCORE!!!

oldoregon DID HOWEVER HAVE THE BLONDE WITH HIM,SOMEBODY HAD TO DRAG THAT STINKY BULL OUT,THATS WHEN......

THE ONLY bobcat!!!
 
everyone noticed that old oregano's blonde "friend" had an adams apple and huge hands. No wonder she/he could "pack" so well. Everyone also noticed that the bull that O-O's cousins friends, dog shot was getting smaller and smaller the closer that it got. Hell, it was made of bondo and was wearing off while it was being drug across the dirt. When confronted by the MM Ethic's Commitee, O-O said....
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Eric
 
MY COUSINS BULL SCORED 595" NET WHEN HE SHOT IT BUT MY BLONDE FRIEND DRUG 300" OFF THE RACK,NOW I HAVE PICTURES OF THE BACK OF THE BLONDE JUST TO PROVE TO YOU I'M NOT LYING AGAIN,ABOUT THAT TIME c'ASS BUSTED HIS RANGER UP INTO THE PRIMITIVE,oo WAS GLAD TO SEE THIS TRUCK HEADED HIS WAY EVEN THOUGH IT WAS A FORD,BUT WHEN HE GOT CLOSE ENOUGH TO SEE IT WAS c'ASS.....


THE ONLY bobcat!!!
 
LAST EDITED ON Nov-26-05 AT 08:51PM (MST)[p]who had just gotten back from Alaska on a condom buying spree/fishing trip/cruise.......
 
SORRY king IT'S NOT THE END!!!

AT ABOUT THIS TIME kingfish DECIDED IT WAS TIME TO TAKE THE FAMILY ON A VACATION,THEY'D BEEN TO JELLYSTONE A FEW TIMES,GRAND CANYON,DISNEYLAND BUT IT WAS TIME TO GET OUT OF KALI FOR A WEEK!!!

HE'D HEARD ABOUT THESE PRIMITIVE AREA'S THINKING,FRESH CLEAN AIR,ABSOLUTE SILENCE,PINE TREE'S,HUNTING,FISHING,HIKING & ETC.,HE DECIDED IT WAS TIME TO GET OUT OF TOWN,LOADED THE FAMILY & THEY WERE OFF TO ENJOY THEIR VACATION OR SO HE THOUGHT!!!

THEY ARRIVE AT THE TRAILHEAD,HE NOTICED IT WAS KINDA STRANGE BUT DAISY DUKE WAS WORKING ON AN OLD POS HUNTING RIG,SHE HAD GREASE CLEAR TO HER ELBOWS,kings WIFE CAUGHT HIM STARRING AT DAISY'S SHORT SHORTS AND SHE SLAPPED HIM!!!

SO THEY GET ALL THEIR GEAR & PACKS READY FOR THIS 20 MILE HIKE BACK INTO THE PRISTINE PRIMITIVE,ABOUT 5 MILES IN king NOTICES A TRAIL OF BEER CANS & STARTS GATHERING THEM UP,AT ABOUT 7 MILES IN HE DOESN'T NEED TO CRUSH ANYMORE CANS,SEVERAL ATV'ERS HAD PANCAKED THEM,A COUPLE MORE MILES UP THE TRAIL & THE CANS TURN INTO CROWN ROYAL MINI-BOTTLES SCATTERED EVERYWHERE WITH CIGARETTE BUTTS LAYING EVERYWHERE,AT THIS TIME HE'S GATHERED MORE TRASH THAN HE CAN PACK,HE'S GETTING CLOSE TO WHERE HE THOUGHT HE BE SETTING CAMP UP WHEN IN THE FAR DISTANCE HE CAN HEAR SOME KINDA RAP MUSIC PLAYING A COUPLE OF MILES AHEAD,HIS KIDS WERE ASKING MORE QUESTIONS THAN king COULD ANSWER,THE FURTHER IN HE GOT THE MORE FURIOUS HE WAS,HE'D PLANNED THIS TRIP FOR SEVERAL YEARS & DIDN'T WANT IT SPOILED,WHEN king & HIS FAMILY CRESTED THAT LAST RIDGE & LOOKED DOWN INTO THE MEADOW WHERE THEY THOUGHT THEY WERE GOING TO CAMP THEY COULD SEE A FEW ABANDONED WHEELERS,ONE WITH A KALI RESIDENT HANDCUFFED TO HIS WHEELER,THEY LOOKED DOWN AT THE TENT WHERE THE LOUD RAP MUSIC WAS COMING FROM AND THERE WAS MORE SMOKE COMING OUT OF THE TENT THAN CHEACH & CHONGS CAR,king TOLD HIS FAMILY TO SIT TIGHT & TAKE A BREAK,HE WAS HEADED IN FOR A CLOSER LOOK,UPON ARRIVAL AT THE TENT HE COULDN'T BELIEVE THE AMMOUNT OF SMOKE THAT WAS EXITING THE DOOR,AT THAT TIME HE NOTICED THERE WASN'T EVEN ANY WARNING SIGNS ON THE TENT WARNING OF THE SECOND HAND SMOKE,IT WAS FILLING THE WHOLE VALLEY,THE MORE HE THOUGHT ABOUT ALL THIS SMOKE THE MORE AGGITATED THIS NORMALLY CALM king GOT,HE HAD TO DO SOMETHING ABOUT IT SO HE ENTERED THE TENT & THATS WHEN ALL HE......

THE ONLY bobcat!!!
 
He entered the Wig-wam finding Huntsonra, Muzz, Alwayzbhuntin, Antlerking. They were beating their tom-toms with Founder onlooking smoking a peace-pipe. The Pow-wow of all times. With Moosie tweeking his nipples prancing around in his little hot to trot camo get-up. With shoot planes circling above The Mods were about ready to make a run for it! When all of a sudden out of the timber comes Charlies Angles knife in teeth on 4 wheelers quickly surrounding the wig-wam. Kingfish scratching his head wipes the sweat off his forehead. And he asks the mods if they could babysit for a while. So he could go hunting. That is when
 
They hear a voice screaming FIRE!!!. All of the sudden Predator appears with her fire extinguisher at her side. She dives head long into the smoke filled tent and fires off the extinguisher soon after all heck breaks loose and out come Moosie pale as a ghost holding on to his nipples for dear life. Muzz is next pushing founder out of the way as he dives head first into the creek for safety. All is quite when they hear Pred scolding Alwaysbhuntin, Antlerking and Huntsonora to stop beating their tom-toms in front of her when..............
 
Pred NOTICES THE PEACE PIPE IS STILL SMOKING AND LETTING OFF A TERRIBLE SMELL,AS SHE'S CHECKING FOR PARAPHANALIA Moosie ENTERS THE TENT WANTING THE PEACE PIPE,SHE ASKS Moosie IF IT'S PAYOTE AND HE JUST GRINS AND THATS WHEN....

THE ONLY bobcat!!!
 
they notice a stranger approaching. As he get's closer they see it is none other than Bobcatbest, aka KALI-CAT! As he goes by, heading West, he mutters to no one in particular, "Too many crazy 4-wheelers around here for me. I'm going back to Cali where it's safe! I've already missed one episode of Amazing Race. I don't intend on missing another!" As he disappears over the knoll......
 
ON HIS POLARIS THERE IS ANOTHER SHOT,THE POLARIS DIES IN IT'S TRACKS,KALI-CAT IS A LITTLE HOT & BOTHERED AT THIS TIME,IT'S 21 MILES BACK TO HIS RIG ON FOOT,HE NOW KNOWS EXACTLY WHAT A TUNE-UP IS NOW AND HE'S MAD AT HIMSELF FOR NOT SELLING THE WHEELER LIKE HE PROMISED,HE PULLS HIS 398 SUPER DUPER ULTRA-MAG OUT OF THE ATV SCABBARD HE LOOKS THROUGH HIS 30X ZIESS SCOPE ONLY TO SEE......

THE ONLY bobcat!!!
 
Pink little pigs and moosie (still holding his nipples)dancing on the end of his gun barrel and WOW what pretty colors, as he shakes his head to try to clear it. He says to him self, "man, I got one hell of a nose hit when I went in front of that tent." He bent down and looked at the hole in his crank case and started giggling again...
 
LAST EDITED ON Nov-27-05 AT 06:29PM (MST)[p]realizing that he really likes Moosies "good smokes" and sharing them with him. As the 2 "kiss the sky" they plan to head into town for the anual nipple tweaking festival and to streak through town. While they are joyously celebrating their new found love for ganja, Moosie does a face plant right into...
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Eric
 
THE AGGITATED B_F_E_,THIS DAY HAD BEEN COMING FOR A LONG TIME,B_F_E_ GRABS HIM AND SAYS IS THAT YOU Poosie???
Moosie PULLS THE PEACE PIPE OUT OF HIS MOUTH AND THROWS IT BACK INTO THE TENT,NOW B_F_E_ HAD A PRETTY GOOD HOLD ON HIM BUT NOT AS GOOD AS Moosie HAD ON HIMSELF,TOTAL HELL BROKE LOOSE,THE TENT WENT DOWN & THE FUR WAS FLYING,HERE CAME.....

THE ONLY bobcat!!!
 
Interpol NY's friend who is the assistant dog catcher of Denver, arrests Moosie and charges him with disorderly conduct. But lo and behold Polarbear and Rimrock 338 are there to post bail. Moosie says how can I ever thank you!! You guys are......

The only bobcat ready to do a little writing!!!!!!
 
real buddies, polarbear looked at moosie and said we can't have you locked up the story ain't nearly over yet!!and so..
 
Moosie looked at Polarbear and immediately started tweaking his nipples! Polarbear and Rimrock 338 looked at each other ans wondered why in the hell did we bail out this freakazoid? As Moosie ran through town joyously tweaking his nips and singing a medley of showtunes, Polarbear and Rimrock 338 took off in the opposite direction. It was time to quit playing around and head into the woods for some hunting. Oh their way out of town they noticed Cass standing in a bar all alone. It was his 21st birthday and he decided to toss back a few. And some beers too. Moosie also noticed Cass and offered to push in his stool, as he sat down. After a few rounds the bunch meandered on over to a local t!tty bar to celebrate Cass's birthday the right way. The group payed their cover and sat down next to the stage. All of a sudden Polarbear looks across the room and sees....
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Eric
 
JACKMASTER WITH THE REDHEAD STARRING AT ANOTHER REDHEAD ON STAGE,THEY COULDN'T EVEN GET HIS ATTENTION,HE STILL HAD THE HAND CUFFS DANGLING OFF HIS RIGHT WRIST,ABOUT THEN EVERYBODY IS STARRING AT THE STAGE AND LOW & BEHOLD THIS CHICK OR THEY THOUGHT AT FIRST IT WAS A CHICK CAME OUT WITH NIPPLES IN HAND,YOU GUESSED IT,Moosie WAS PUTTING ON A REAL SHOW,c'ASS SAID I REALY LIKE THE LOOKS & ACTS OF THAT GAL BEFORE HE EVEN KNEW WHO HE WAS STARRING AT,AT ABOUT THAT TIME.....


THE ONLY bobcat!!!
 
Moosie walks over and gives C'ass the lap dance of a lifetime as the song Lola played in the background. C'ass started stuffing singles into Moosie's (also known as "Saphire") camo, cordurouy g-string. After "Saphire" left to clean out his short of cash, C'ass yelled to all within earshot "I've found the one!!! I'm talking marriage, kids, the whole magilla!!!" Hearing the disturbing rukkus, the club dj and bouncer pick C'ass up by the seat of the pants and toss him out into the parking lot. Moosie sees the maylay and runs outside to comfort his admirer. Moosie explains that, although he is flattered, he just dosent swing that way. he is just secure with his masculinity and his nipples. All of a sudden Jackmaster, Rimrock 338 and Polarbear come running out of the club and....
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Eric
 
LAST EDITED ON Nov-28-05 AT 10:05PM (MST)[p] Started singing. The Polarbear went over the mountain to see what he could see. And all that he could see was two Irish men sitting in a ditch. One called the other a dirty son of a Peter Murphy. Who had a dog to keep him company? He gave it to his girlfriend Predator! She taught it she taught it she taught it how to jump. It jumped up her petticoat and bit her on a countryman, countryman sitting on a Rimrock. And along came a bumble bee and bit him on the Rackmaster cocktails and ginger ales at a nickel a glass and if you don't like the price you can shove it up your ask me no questions and I will tell you no more to the story then
 
Pred SAID:I DON'T KNOW WHO TO HANDCUFF FIRST,JACKMASTER OR rut BUT FOR SURELY BOTH,AS rut & JACKMASTER WERE WONDERING HOW MUCH TROUBLE THEY WERE REALLY IN HERE COME Moosie TO THE RESCUE,THATS WHEN THE 3RD SET OF CUFFS CAME OUT AND.....


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moosie said. "no, no gilfriend, I have my own!". Then Moosie proceded to cuff himself to jackmaster and Rut. As all of this is going on, Polarbear was singing an old Irish song (being half Irish himself) about some chick named Molly whiskey in the jar or something. He was kind of incoherent. After Moosie did all the cuffing for Predator, she had them all spread out across her cruiser and broke out the rubber gloves. She started yelling "yee-haww!!! it's time for an old fashoned b.c.s. boys!!" Just as she was about to show the boys the "darker side" of the law ....................
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Eric
 
The sound of horse hoofs striking pavement was growing louder and louder,a whole pack sting was coming up the road,four ranglers in yellow slickers and cowboy hats came into view,some of the horses had huge sets of antlers tied on their backs.They rode up to the goofy looking group that was spread out on the cop car,the cowboy in front, setting high in this saddle rocked his hat back, looked down at Pred and gave her a grin,good day,then moosie yells out"I know you, you're that famous dude from up north
B.C.boy! B.C.boy turns his head to look at moosie,now moosie's tongue was sticking out the side of his mouth drooling and with his free hand he was tweaking his nipple,can I go hunting with you begged mossie?You have about a snowballs chance in hell of that happening says B.C.--See while you puds were down here dickin' around me and the boys were puttin' down some serious boot leather up at timberline to get these 400 classers.With that he turned his horse towards the saloon.They rode up and over the wood planked walk way, right through the swinging doors ,horses and all. Back out side every one was just wide eyed and then
from inside the saloon they hear aloud voice yell out"it will be WHISKEY FOR MY MEN AND BEER FOR THE HORSES"....
 
BUT IT WASN'T BCBOY,IT WAS NO OTHER THAN TOBY KIETH,PERFORMING ALIVE & WELL,WHEN HE SEEN THEM HORSES & RACKS COME THROUGH THE DOOR HIS SMILE WAS A MILE WIDE,MAN I DON'T KNOW WHO WAS THIRSTIER,THE HORSES OR BCBOY & THE BOYS,ABOUT THAT TIME Moosie STAGGERS IN & UP TO THE BAR WITH A NIPPLE IN HAND,NOW TOBY THOUGHT HE'D SEEN IT ALL,AFTER HE FINISHED THE SONG HE WENT UP TO Moosie AND SAID:IF YOU'RE GOING TO WALTZ IN HERE WITH YOUR NIPPLES IN HAND YOU'RE GOING TO HAVE TO WALK THE TALK OR.......

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or head to Cabelas in Utah wearing nothing but Danners and Sailor pants tweeking your nips and standing around Screaming why can't we do it my way. In hopes some one will show up to sign your nipples. But first Toby said will som sons a b please get them handcuffs off Rut. Meanwhile back at camp Rut was released from the cuffs for good behavior. Everyone was thinking
 
BUT NO!!!! That's when Toby started singing, and the entire MM crew joined in singing, "I LOVE THIS BAR"
 
"It's miah kind ah plaaaace!...just walkiiiin thruuuu da front door...puts a big smile on my face!..."

Chef
"I Love Animals...They're Delicious!"
 
NO COVER CHARGE!!! (HEAR THAT Moosie???)

COME AS YOU ARE!!! (THATS FOR YOU JACKMASTER!!!)

MMM MMM MMM,I LOVE THIS BAR!!! (YOU CAN LEAGALLY LOVE IT c'ASS!!!)

JUST AS TOBY FINISHED THAT SONG HE PUT A BOOT IN.......


THE ONLY bobcat!!!
 
So everybody was feeling Gay!! Even Moosie! Well she left and we all jumped for Joey!! She left she had enough!! And well there was
 
time, time to reflect on the recent events. Time to realize that things had gone far astray from waking up opening morning expecting to begin a trophy elk hunt and instead to embark on an adventure that was never expected or anticipated. Time to realize that all good and not so good things must come to an end!!!
 
It was then when Caelkhnter sat on the log. With visions of monster bulls running past the tent in the predawn of a make believe fantasy. Wanting so badly for it to come true. Knowing it was only make believe. And the thoughts race for this dream to end. When In reality he knew the story must go on. Knowing the story will never end it will just be there tomorrow. The only way the story ends is if you let it. Not wanting to let it end but only to come true his vision elaborate to a sense of uneasiness when all of a sudden he hears the sound of a crack of a rifle. The tempo of the story in his mind races and he all of a sudden realizes
 
I'm still here and I've got my beer goggles on!

Chef
"I Love Animals...They're Delicious!"
 
and then I reflected further and can't figure out why I always seem to be in a hurry to get things done, I rush and rush....
 
UNTIL LIFE'S NO FUN,ALL I REALLY GOT TO DO IS LIVE & DIE,I'M IN A HURRY & DON'T KNOW WHY!!!
ABOUT THIS TIME Moosie SAID I'M SICK OF THIS WESTERN BAR,LETS TAKE c'ASS OVER TO THE.......

THE ONLY bobcat!!!
 
Toolbox and show him a real 400" class bull....

Michael~All Gods creatures welcome... right next to the mashed potatoes and gravy.
 
dyke. Yep, the toolbox was a lezbo bar. Although it was an "alternative lifestyle" bar, it just wasnt Moosie's idea of fun, so they headed on over to the tea bag lounge at the Purple Helmet for some shooters and dancing. To their supprise and delight, George Michael and The Pet Shop Boys were playing to a "packed" house. Unfortunately, it was bring your own hamster night and they were fresh out. Feeling down, they decided to go elsewhere. They gathered up their thoughts and started wandering on over towards........
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Eric
 
To the Altamont Bottoms Up. For a eve with Bess and the Calender Girls of Altamont County. Bessy walked in and took one look at his girls and
 

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